Man: You’re not mad at me?
Woman: Nah. I can’t get mad at you, ’cause I look in your face and know you’re not a valiscious person. You don’t mean it. Some people, though — some people are just downright valiscious.
–30th & Madison
Overheard by: Unrelenting Monkey
Girl on cell: Stop talking about my grandmother’s ba-donka-donk!
–6th & 2nd
Girl on cell: So, she walked in on me getting out of the shower again this morning… Yeah, I guess I could put a lock on the door, but I’m really starting to think that my grandma just likes seeing me naked in the morning.
–School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: dobby
Chick on cell: What should I get for Grandma? No, I’m not at a mall, I’m on the street… No, I don’t see anything she’d like, unless… Do you think Grandma wants a bong?
–St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Heather
Dude to hot chick: I’d rather have sex with you than my grandma.
–1 train
Overheard by: bldlube
Guy on cell: So then he’s like, ‘Dude, are you in prison again?’ And I was like, ‘No, dude, I’m talking to you online. How could I be in prison?’ And he was like, ‘There was a computer when I was in prison. I mean, you had to suck dick to get online, but whatever.’ And I was like, ‘Dude, I’m at my grandma’s house. We’re having tea and shit.’
–E 14th St & Irving
Man: Does it go in and out?
Woman, walking her dog: The vagina? [Lowers voice] Oh, you mean the dog leash.
–28th & Steinway
Overheard by: coinberg
Student #1: I finally finished that annotated bibliography.
Student #2: Oh, that’s not due until Thursday.
Student #1: Thursday?
Student #2: Yeah, didn’t you get the e-mail?
Student #1: E-mail?!
Student #2: Well, it was mentioned in class on Tuesday.
Student #1: Class?!
–NYU
Professor: You should really consider going to Europe. It may be boring, but it’s cheap!
Ghetto girl in back: Fuck that shit! I’d rather go to Disney!
Professor: Europe is actually less expensive to go to than Disney.
Ghetto girl: Yeah, but only if you stay in a brothel!
Ghetto boy: Don’t you mean ‘hostel’?
Ghetto girl: Same thing, right?
–Fordham University-Rose Hill
Overheard by: Megan
Excited suit: … So it was like ‘Bang, bang, bang!’ A whole gang of managers was driving the stock down!
60-something suit: Hmmm. Gangbang?
–200 Park Ave
Overheard by: Can’t Believe I Butt Her
20-ish guy to friends: Talk about sweat — I never swat so much in my life!
–Bleecker & MacDougal
Blonde: I’m not a naysayer! I’m not! I’m a yes-sayer… An ambiguous answer-sayer…
–Union Square
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Bimbette: Oh my god, I was dramatized! I couldn’t even look at him.
–Staten Island Ferry
Suit: I just walked into Barnes and Nizzle to take a wizzle.
–Barnes & Noble, 22nd St
Guy to friend: If the Yankees win the first two, it’ll be a swept.
–Rockefeller Center
Paint department clerk to customer: Do you want interior or outerior?
–Home Depot, Brooklyn
Supermarket cashier: I was actually valedictorian in high school, and I wore four-inch heels to graduation. And surprise, surprise — I falled.
–Greenpoint, Brooklyn
Teen #1: Fuck, man. Fuck.. Fuck!
Old black lady: Respect yourself — you better respect yourself.
Teen #2: [Mumbles.]Old black lady: What did you say?! Oh, I thought so. This is why they created more prisons — just for you.
–Q train
Suit #1: We don’t know where we’re going… Keep going straight?
Suit #2: We’ll figure something out…
Suit #1, two stops later: You want to get off, or go one more?
Suit #2: Let’s keep going — roll the dice.
–F train
Overheard by: Xavier
American: Americans call the last letter in the alphabet ‘zee,’ but in Britain they call it ‘zed.’
Swede: Oh! That’s why Jay-Z is pronounced ‘Jay Zee’ and not ‘Jay Zed’!
–JFK
