Guy: Douche…ville? Douche…town?
Girl: Doucheville. Definitely.
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: Nico
Guy: [really loudly] Fuck! Shit! Boobs!
Girl: Stop it! Screaming profanities isn’t going to get you on Overheard in New York.
Guy: But today’s our last day in the city and it’s my last chance!
Girl: So you develop Tourette’s?
Guy: Shhh! Stop calling me a tourist!
–John & Water
Overheard by: Gillian
Teen girl: I would like to. Notwithstanding, I–
Old lady: Never say “notwithstanding” in New York. Too long a word for here.
Teen girl: Why the heck…?
Old lady: Notwithstanding and two financial empires have already
collapsed! Where are you from, by the way?
Teen girl: Missoula, Montana.
Old lady: You’re making my point, darling!…So, Redford says “notwithstanding”? No kidding?
Teen girl: Robert lives in Utah.
–Trump Tower elevator, 56th & 5th
Overheard by: Bertrand Latour
Hipster girl: She was all, “Yeah, Betsy is my best friend,” and I was like, “Best friend? That is so fucking bourgeois.”
–L train
Girl: I know you made it. Look at you. You got a BlackBerry. Yeah, you made it. You got that good-smelling leather.
–Elevator, 12th & 5th
Overheard by: Thirsty Violet
Professor lady: Yes, we’ll be going into debt a lot as the semester goes on.
–Parsons School of Design
Overheard by: Ray
Teen boy: Anyone on this train wanna buy some candy? It’s not for a basketball team or something, it’s for me so I can buy more candy.
–2 train
Overheard by: Sarah
Intercom: Please take a headset before you get on the plane, because they’re free now. They’re actually free once you get on the plane, but I charge $50 labor for bringing them to you once you’re on. So it’s in your best interests to take one now. Can you tell I’m a happy person?
–LaGuardia
Chick: I’m not even gonna try applying for a Gap card; they’ll never give it to me. I don’t know what it is about Gap; they always know if you have bad credit.
–The Gap, 34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Dianora
Tween boy: What do you mean, I can’t get anything? I’m the one with a job.
–Key Food, Park Slope
Overheard by: Shack
Waitress: I just don’t get it. Like, how can you be infatuated with me when you don’t even know me?
–Deluxe, 112th & Broadway
Guy #1: Oh my god, I know. I heard Versace is having a huge sale!
Man: Shut up, you damn queer!
Guy #2: He’s just mad because he can’t even spell Versace.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Nikki Starr
Chick #1: So how was it?
Chick #2: It was bitchfabulous.
Chick #1: Awesome. So it was bitchtastic?
Chick #2: Nice! I like that one. Yeah, it was bitchtastic.
Chick #1: And the coffee?
Chick #2: Bitchalicious.
Chick #1: Hey, I just realized someone might hear us.
–41st & 6th
Man #1: Hey man, why are you hanging out with her? She’s a total dickbag.
Man #2: Dude, I’m imagining like…a bag…of…like…dicks?
–114th & Broadway
(cf. this entry.)
Woman: We were playing Christmas music last night. If you listen to the words, a lot of those songs really mean something.
–Rockefeller Center
Yuppie girl #1: God, this train is so crowded.
Yuppie girl #2: I hate it when the train is packed like this.
Yuppie girl #1: I just want to shove people, but there’s nowhere to shove them to, it’s so crowded.
Guy: Whoa, peace on earth, goodwill toward men, everyone just settle down.
–1 train
