Teen boy #1: So why did your dad lose his job?
Teen boy #2: All I know is that he had hepatitis for six months and cured it by eating nothing but fruit.
–83rd & 16th, Brooklyn.
Overheard by: Porko Rico
Teen boy #1: So why did your dad lose his job?
Teen boy #2: All I know is that he had hepatitis for six months and cured it by eating nothing but fruit.
–83rd & 16th, Brooklyn.
Overheard by: Porko Rico
Man walking dog: Yo, take a shit right here.
–Houston & Mangin
Overheard by: How about a little to the left?
Woman to her gang-banging pug dog: Everyone can have love together!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: riana
Man to Yorkie, tugging at leash outside porn shop: You don’t want to go in there. Nothing you could use in there… Hmmm, except maybe the rubber goods.
–28th & 8th
Overheard by: Chuckell
Upset man to black lab walking sheepishly beside him: They didn’t want you in there because you’re black, and they should have the guts to say so! We should go back to that fucking place and burn it down! [Pats pooch on head.] Good girl. You’re a good girl. [They start walking away again, and man mutters to himself] Motherfuckers.
–W 4th St
Midwood girl #1: Hey, where is Maryland anyway?
Midwood girl #2: It’s in D.C. somewhere.
Midwood girl #1: Oh, right.
–Flatbush bagel shop
Overheard by: Ford Madox Hueffer
Post office dude: Where is this going to?
Chick: Germany.
Post office dude: Is there anything hazardous to your health in there?
Chick: Uh no, just magazines. And well, some of my hair that's stuck to that tape on the package as well.
Post office dude: Oh, I don't know what customs has to say about that. They will have to deal with that. But wait, I will check.
Chick: That was a joke! I'm not sending hair!
Post office dude: What, but you just said…
Chick: Wow. It was a lame joke! You can literally see half of my scalp under that tape. I tried to cut it with my teeth and and some of my hair got stuck under it… Nevermind!
Post office dude: Ugh. $16.56, please.
–Post Office, Brooklyn Heights
NYU guy to pal: If you could pick any five girls, and one of them had to be Tom Cruise…
–St. Mark’s & 3rd
Overheard by: Lexey
Man: If Leonard Cohen were a hamster, I’d kill him.
–Freddy’s Bar, Brooklyn
Hobo: Donald Trump is my cousin, but he doesn’t know it because I came out black.
–Museum Mile
Teen girl on cell: Hey, I just read that Brad and Angelina decided to adopt their next kid from Vietnam. You totally have a shot… No, seriously, you should apply. I mean, I guess you’d have to try out and stuff, but it’d so be worth it.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Whitehall St
Skinny black goth girl: Am I gay, or am I Paris Hilton?!
–Cardozo High School
MTA elevator operator to another: You don’t have to be forgiven. Clint Eastwood taught us that.
–1 train station elevator, 168th St
Overheard by: martin gehrke
Guy on cell in line: Yeah, she’s messing around with Michael Jordan and shit! You do not want your lady messing around with Michael Jordan!
–Rite Aid, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: dutchman
Hobo: Yo, can I get some money?
Guy: Sorry man, can’t help you out.
Hobo: That’s aight. Things are tough for everyone. Can you at least get me some water from your sink?
Guy: Uh, okay.
Hobo: Wait, let me find a bottle.
Guy: That’s okay, I have a bottle I can give you.
He goes inside and comes back out with a bottle of water.
Hobo: Oh, thanks! Hey, wait. What, was this just sittin’ around?
Guy: No, I just filled it up from my sink.
Hobo: Oh, well, I don’t mean no disrespect. But you mind dumping this out and letting it run for a while? Shit just ain’t cold enough.
–Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: bklyn awesome, waiting outside
Second grader #1: Hey, is your mama having a baby sister?
Second grader #2: No, she just likes to eat a lot.
–Schoolyard, Brooklyn
Angry black woman: Why these motherfuckers always wearing "right for life" buttons, philosophizing and shit?
–Dallas BBQ, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Mike H
Student: Aborting your baby is so boring now. Everyone does it.
–Bard High School Early College
Drunk loud teenage Latina: Ladies and gentlemen, I am a minority and I have never had an abortion!
–N Train
Overheard by: g-lime
Man on cell: Oh… Oh shit… Well, can't you just take a wire hanger and pull it out? Yeah, just stick the hanger in and pull it right out! Okay? Okay. Bye.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: marge
Fabulous gay guy: So, my coworkers at Olive Garden all wanted to go out for a picnic one day. Our one friend had to work though, so we told her to tell our boss she needed to go get an abortion and she actually did it!
–Life Cafe, Avenue B & 10th St
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Chick #1: One of my earphones on my iPod is completely busted.
Chick #2: Why? Do you listen to it really loud?
Chick #1: Yeah, on the subway. I try to drown out the noise.
Chick #2: I wish they made iPods for the nose so you could drown out the smell.
–Life Cafe Nine 83, Bushwick
Overheard by: Courtney C
Stoner #1: You know how there’s these milestones in movies, like the first movie to show a tit, the first one to show a dick, the first one to show someone pinching a loaf?
Stoner #2: Yeah…
Stoner #1: I wonder when there’ll be the first movie with the word ‘fuck’ in the title. Think we’ll live to see it?
Stoner #2, after long pause: Not counting porn?
Stoner #1: Of course.
Stoner #2: Yeah.
Stoner #1: So, you think we’ll live to see it?
Stoner #2: Porn?
Stoner #1: No. ‘Fuck.’ In the title.
Stoner #2: Hope so.
–B41 bus, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
