Brooklyn

When Jesus Met Mary Magdalene

Chick: I just don’t really like running through the Hasidic neighborhoods in my sports bra…
Guy: Uh-huh.
Chick: It makes me feel uncomfortable.
Guy: Yeah.
Chick: So I don’t think I’m going to do that anymore.

–Bogart & Moore St, Bushwick

Overheard by: Erin

Headline by: TWWS

Runners-Up:
· “But I’m Still Wearing My Swastika Thong.” – Craig should be working
· “Do I, Uh, Know You?” – clash
· “I Didn’t Hear Anything but ‘bra'” – 6th Floor Blogger
· “I’ll Try Yarmulke Pasties Instead” – Katie
· “Too Many Guys Trying to Challah at Me” – Rottin’ in Denmark
· “Topless It Is” – Sean McGurr

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday O-o-o-oooo-One-Liners

Skinny Spanish girl: That nigga was saying how he had me moaning and screaming, but I was like, "nigga, I'm just loud–that doesn't mean you're good!"

–Ft. Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn

Overheard by: also loud

Ghetto chick to friend: Yo…in my country, it's illegal to not please your woman. You gotta fuck her till she begs you to stop.

–116th & 1st

Overheard by: DonnaRae

Man on phone: Yeah…I just fingerblasted her for like an hour. No big deal.

–E 4th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: intern2

Mom to teenage son: And I was like "sure, have sex in my bed, it never sees any."

–Mercer & W 3rd

Girl on cell: Oh no, he's back fucking his secretary now, so I'm like, completely free!

–East Village

20-something on cell, after loud graphic sex tale: And don't you be telling anyone! I don't like strangers knowing my business.

–Express Bus to Brooklyn

The Prostate Knows No Sexual Orientation

Teen girl #1: He never leaves me the hell alone. It’s like, ‘Hello, I don’t care!’
Teen girl #2: You know he’s bi, right?
Teen girl #1: What? No, he’s not. What are you talking about?
Teen girl #2: Oh my god! You didn’t know? Yeah, he’s bi!
Teen girl #1: Since when? Who told you that?
Teen girl #2: Didn’t you?
Teen girl #1: No. I didn’t say ‘bi.’ I said ‘anal plugs.’

–Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Stina

And a Pimp Really Has to Have Some Sort of STD, You Know

Teen boy #1: So why did your dad lose his job?
Teen boy #2: All I know is that he had hepatitis for six months and cured it by eating nothing but fruit.

–83rd & 16th, Brooklyn.

Overheard by: Porko Rico

Wednesday One-Liners Lick Themselves with Noisy Enthusiasm

Man walking dog: Yo, take a shit right here.

–Houston & Mangin

Overheard by: How about a little to the left?

Woman to her gang-banging pug dog: Everyone can have love together!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: riana

Man to Yorkie, tugging at leash outside porn shop: You don’t want to go in there. Nothing you could use in there… Hmmm, except maybe the rubber goods.

–28th & 8th

Overheard by: Chuckell

Upset man to black lab walking sheepishly beside him: They didn’t want you in there because you’re black, and they should have the guts to say so! We should go back to that fucking place and burn it down! [Pats pooch on head.] Good girl. You’re a good girl. [They start walking away again, and man mutters to himself] Motherfuckers.

–W 4th St

It’s in the Alternate Universe Confederacy

Midwood girl #1: Hey, where is Maryland anyway?
Midwood girl #2: It’s in D.C. somewhere.
Midwood girl #1: Oh, right.

–Flatbush bagel shop

Overheard by: Ford Madox Hueffer

Because Postal Workers Are Legendary for Having Such Great Senses Of Humor

Post office dude: Where is this going to?
Chick: Germany.
Post office dude: Is there anything hazardous to your health in there?
Chick: Uh no, just magazines. And well, some of my hair that's stuck to that tape on the package as well.
Post office dude: Oh, I don't know what customs has to say about that. They will have to deal with that. But wait, I will check.
Chick: That was a joke! I'm not sending hair!
Post office dude: What, but you just said…
Chick: Wow. It was a lame joke! You can literally see half of my scalp under that tape. I tried to cut it with my teeth and and some of my hair got stuck under it… Nevermind!
Post office dude: Ugh. $16.56, please.

–Post Office, Brooklyn Heights

Wednesday One-Liners Dread Ending Up on The Surreal Life

NYU guy to pal: If you could pick any five girls, and one of them had to be Tom Cruise…

–St. Mark’s & 3rd

Overheard by: Lexey

Man: If Leonard Cohen were a hamster, I’d kill him.

–Freddy’s Bar, Brooklyn

Hobo: Donald Trump is my cousin, but he doesn’t know it because I came out black.

–Museum Mile

Teen girl on cell: Hey, I just read that Brad and Angelina decided to adopt their next kid from Vietnam. You totally have a shot… No, seriously, you should apply. I mean, I guess you’d have to try out and stuff, but it’d so be worth it.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Whitehall St

Skinny black goth girl: Am I gay, or am I Paris Hilton?!

–Cardozo High School

MTA elevator operator to another: You don’t have to be forgiven. Clint Eastwood taught us that.

–1 train station elevator, 168th St

Overheard by: martin gehrke

Guy on cell in line: Yeah, she’s messing around with Michael Jordan and shit! You do not want your lady messing around with Michael Jordan!

–Rite Aid, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: dutchman

Unlike His Refrigerator…Box

Hobo: Yo, can I get some money?
Guy: Sorry man, can’t help you out.
Hobo: That’s aight. Things are tough for everyone. Can you at least get me some water from your sink?
Guy: Uh, okay.
Hobo: Wait, let me find a bottle.
Guy: That’s okay, I have a bottle I can give you.

He goes inside and comes back out with a bottle of water.

Hobo: Oh, thanks! Hey, wait. What, was this just sittin’ around?
Guy: No, I just filled it up from my sink.
Hobo: Oh, well, I don’t mean no disrespect. But you mind dumping this out and letting it run for a while? Shit just ain’t cold enough.

–Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: bklyn awesome, waiting outside

…of Babies.

Second grader #1: Hey, is your mama having a baby sister?
Second grader #2: No, she just likes to eat a lot.

–Schoolyard, Brooklyn

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist