Wednesday One-Liners Always Thought Slim Goodbody Was Hot

Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!

–Brooklyn bound F train

Overheard by: PoisonIvy

Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!

–1 train

Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…

–1 train

Overheard by: sara n.

Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!

–18th & Park

Overheard by: edward

Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!

–Wooster & Broome

Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry.

–23rd & 6th

Posted on September 13, 2006
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Celebrities, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Classroom, College, Druggies, Drugs, Fordham, Girls, Hard Drugs, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Psychic, Queers, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Topics, Vagina, Vendors & Street Performers, Venues, Women

When Publicists Get Into the Catnip

Mandy Moore: So, what’s the plan for the party?
Publicist: So, I was thinking, you show up at the party, right? And they check your name or whatever, and then, get this, a clown escorts you to your table.
Mandy Moore: A clown?
Publicist: I know, right?

–Elevator, The Archive Building, Greenwich & Christopher

Posted on August 22, 2006
A-List, Buildings, Celebrities, Elevators, Manhattan, People, Places, The Village, Venues

Might Be the Only Exciting Thing About Jessica

Queer #1: Whatcha reading?
Queer #2: Jessica Simpson’s suing someone.
Queer #3: Let me see.

Queer #2 passes over a folder.

Queer #1: What? No pictures?
Queer #2: It’s a lawsuit; there are no pictures in a lawsuit.

–Hampton Jitney

Overheard by: Todd

Posted on August 8, 2006
A-List, About Celebrities, Celebrities, Lawsuits, Nick Lachey, People, Queer guys, Queers, Stupidity

Witty Repartee Is One of the First Things to Go When the Brain Doesn’t Get Enough Glucose

Anorexic JAP: What, you couldn’t afford an entire outfit?
Obese woman in Britney Spears get-up: What, bitch, you couldn’t afford an entire meal?
Anorexic JAP: [silence]

–Uptown E train

Posted on August 4, 2006
Anorexic, Celebrities, Clothing, Diet/Weight, Fashion, Fat People, Food, JAPs, Jews, On the Subway, People, Places, Skinny People, Topics

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Big-Boned

Chick: Then he peer-pressured me into being morbidly obese!

–1 train

Girl on cell: Nothing’s bigger than Oprah, not even my mother’s ass!

–Ocean Pkwy and Neptune Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld

Dude with flyers: New York Sports Club! Only 37 dollars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!

–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn

Overheard by: elwood

Little boy: Mommy, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Island.

–Queens Center Mall

Walking VD: It’s not cheating if she’s fat.

–Outside Jugo Juice, Times Square

Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just going to make fun of me because I’m short and fat! Oh my God!

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: Melissa

Posted on July 19, 2006
A-List, About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Celebrities, Coney Island, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Girls, Gyms, Height, Infidelity, Kids, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parents, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Queens, Sex & Relationships, Teens, Times Square, Topics, TV, Venues

If I Were Adam Sandler I Would Have Asked Satan for My Soul Back Circa Mr. Deeds

Man: Wow, you’re here already? That was quick.
Woman: Yeah, if I was Adam Sandler I would have said, “That was click!”

–West 44th St

Overheard by: Tomer Langberg

Posted on June 30, 2006
About Celebrities, Celebrities, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movies, People, Places, Pop Culture, Topics, Women

He Paid for It by Leveraging His Dignity

Limo driver: Here you go, sir.
Donald Trump: Is this the Mercrdes one I wanted?
Limo driver: No, sir, it is a Buick.
Donald Trump: Well, I’ll ride in it this time, but next time it better be a Mercedes. I have class.

–Trump Building, Pine & Wall

Posted on June 27, 2006
Cars and Driving, Celebrities, Money & Class, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Drunks Make the Best Gawker Stalkers

Drunk to the fat guy from Lost: Oh shit, nigga. I guess your ass got off the island, huh?
Old Jewish lady: I knew it!

–6 train updown

Overheard by: Zdub

Posted on June 20, 2006
Celebrities, Drinking & Drunk People, Jews, Old People

Wednesday One-liners Are Upright Citizens

Suit on cell: Hey, yeah…Yeah, I just got back from 100 Centre Street. Yeah, Georgie Boy was drooling over counselor’s dick…You know, Georgie Boy: Boy George…That’s right, on his knees drooling over counselor’s dick. Moron lives on Mulberry, right around the corner from 100 Centre Street. They found like six bags of blow, says lots of people stay there, not his, whatever. But he’s shitting in his diaper…What?…Yeah, just six bags, whatever. But he’s drooling over counselor’s dick. I told him, “Don’t worry Georgie Boy”–we only call him “Georgie Boy”–I told him, “Don’t worry, you have a Jewish lawyer.” Do you really want to blow me?…Huh? What?…No!

–Russian & Turkish Baths, East 10th Street

Overheard by: Trey Desolay

Posted on February 8, 2006
About Celebrities, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, BJs, Celebrities, Drugs, Jews, Manhattan, On Cell, People, Sex, Suits, Teens

We Can Only Offer Our Epathy

Man: Wait, so you’re on Law & Order?
Epatha Merkerson: Mm-hmm.
Man: Wow, I don’t watch the show, but my son and daughter do. What’s your name? I’ll have to tell them I saw you.
Epatha Merkerson: Epatha.
Man: Epala?
Epatha Merkerson: Epatha.
Man: Epasa?
Epatha Merkerson: E-path-a
Man: Ensala? Maybe I should write this down, I’m sure I’ll forget. Emana, you said?

–Dentist’s office, 35th & Madison

Overheard by: Mandy G

Posted on January 23, 2006
About Celebrities, Celebrities, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Office, Stupidity, TV

Celebrities