City College

Professor: Why do people take drugs? Because their lives suck. That’s right…all of you.

–Manhattan College

Chemistry professor, discussing quantum physics: If you beat on something hard enough, you can get it to do what you want!

–St. John’s University, New York City

Property professor, after playing Barbra Streisand’s version of “Not While I’m Around”: Now, is that the same song as Steven Sondheim’s version in Sweeney Todd?? (dreamily) Well, when Barbra Streisand does a song…is it ever the same song?

–St. John’s Law School

Overheard by: Cori

Professor: If Obama wins the election, I’ll buy you all beer.

–The Cooper Union

Professor: So the way Saint Augustine broke the Lord’s commandment not to steal (nobody in class is listening) Was all just his way of honoring the Lord’s law, by creating his own. It’s sort of like when you have a child that’s not allowed to stay up past nine but he knows his parents can stay up as late as they want, so in an act of rebellion he smears his shit all over the walls.


Professor: Now, for your presentations, there is a time limit. If you go over nine minutes, I will cut you. (silent pause) …off.

–City College of New York

20‐something girl: I feel sorta guilty for illegally downloading “We Are the World.” What’s that Haiti number? I should text them some money to clear my conscience.


Middle aged guy to female colleague: It’s really good and all, but it’s only after listening to the lyrics that I got a little worried. I mean all she kept saying was “I want your disease, I want your disease.” What is that?

–6 Train

Overheard by: Kishan

FedEx guy: I’m looking for Phil Harmonic. He needs to sign for this.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center Plaza

Overheard by: Rob

Loud Angelina Jolie wannabe watching band: I love this band, their music is like making love… Am I right?

–Terminal 5

Overheard by: Dani Cakes

Guy with guitar to naive teens: Yeah, music is the only way we can fight our oppressive, totalitarian government.

–City College

Overheard by: Stephen

Professor: He was more bohemian and unconventional.
White bimbo: What’s “bohemian”?
Asian bimbo: He’s from Bohemia, duh.

–City College

Overheard by: nella

Student #1: Who’s Helen Keller?
Student #2: She was deaf, blind and couldn’t talk.
Student #1: I thought that was Anne Frank.

–City Tech College

Gangster kid to female friend: I don’t care. I ain’t goin’ there early. Ain’t nobody care.
Friend: But you have a test!
Gangster kid: I’m the sexiest guy in my bio class, so I can do whatever the hell I want!

–Marshak Building, City College

Girl #1: Don’t ask me, I’m computer e‑literate.
Girl #2: E‑literate?
Girl #1: Isn’t that a word?
Girl #2: It’s “illiterate.“
Girl #1: Well, I can still read palms.

–City College of New York

Announcer guy: Hey girl, I love your face. And Charmin loves the other end!

–Charmin NYC Restrooms, Times Square

Overheard by: Nathan

Drunk boyfriend: Thanksgiving is over, and so is our love!

–Grand & Leonard, Williamsburg

Overheard by: fanny

Subway busker, about next song: This is not a love song. The reason that this is not a love song is because I don’t like her anymore.

–Time Square

Philosophy professor on last day of class: If you love something, set it free. And if it flies away, run after it and kill it.

–City College

Overheard by: Dan Lurie

20‐something guy to friend sharing iPod with him: I would do anything to live there…I would pretend to be in love.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: dallas

Woman on cell: I will skin and tar you. (pause) Oh, I love you!

–W Broadway & W 3rd St

Girl #1: Did you hear that Theresa got sent to alcohol reform?
Girl #2: No, what is that?
Girl #1: It’s like a reform thing, like remedial classes, where they force you to like, do things to decrease your drinking.
Girl #2: What!?

–City College of New York

Professor: So what do you think of when you think of “paternalism”? Anyone?
Student: “Maury”?

–City College

Overheard by: lilli

Bimbette #1: I hate Chapter Three! Why do we have to do Chapter Three?!
Bimbette #2: No way! I love Chapter Three!
Professor: Then why don’t you marry it?

–Algebra class, City College

Overheard by: maybe she will