Wednesday One-Liners Will Be Married to Supermodels One Day

Nerdy tourist boy looking at display: My depth perception is yelling at me…

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: jules

Pizza guy on cell: Have a good 4th… What? No, I said to have a good 4th, not "may the force be with you." (pause) Have a good 4th. (pause) Yeah, have a good 4th, and may the force be with you. Uh- huh. Good night.

–Dekalb & Hall St, Brooklyn

Indian nerd to friends, in the midst of heated debate: Dude, vitamins are fucking weak!

–Grand Central Subway Platform

Overheard by: djprojexion

Geek on cell, in line at Comic Con: Dude, I'm at the con… It's like, ten times more awesome…than anything awesome!

–NYC Comic Con

Overheard by: RedmanInc

Nerdy guy: Some super powers come with implied powers. Like the power of flight. You assume the power of wind resistance, because you'd get pretty freaking cold flying 200 mph. But no one ever thinks of that.

–Fordham Law School

Posted on May 6, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Fordham, Friends, Grand Central, Health and Hygiene, India Indians, Insults, Laughter, Movies, Museum of Natural History, Nerds, On Cell, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Sensory Experiences, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Superheroes, Tourists, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

My German Friends Tell Me What They Are

Employee in fitting room: You all just cut those women in line.
Woman in line: No, they said that they weren't in line. Right? Isn't that what they told all of you too?
Employee: But they were here before all of you in line now, you can't cut them.
Woman: They said that it was okay. I wouldn't just jump ahead of people. I'm Italian, but I do have limits.

–Loehmann's, Upper West Side

Posted on May 2, 2009
Clerks, Customers, Foreigners, Italians, Questions, Shopping, Store, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Sorry About Your Earthbound Wiener

Nonchalant nerd, passing by vendor's booth: I like your space titties.
Shocked sexy space-suited booth babe: Oh, thanks. I like them too.

–Jacob Javits Center, ComicCon

Overheard by: Rob

Posted on April 30, 2009
Clerks, Compliments, Nerds, Parades & Festitivites, Rack, Weirdness, West Village

You've Got Some Set Of Wednesday One-Liners on You, Buddy!

Woman on cell: I'd love to watch football with you. I'll even hold the balls.

–92nd & Lexington

Boyfriend to guy sitting between him and his girlfriend: Hey man, can you slide over? I need some ball space over here.

–Uptown 4 Train

20-something chick: I aim for as many balls as possible.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meister

Woman to male Target employee: Do you have balls? (brief awkward pause) Like playing ones…

–Target, Queens

Mother to kids: Okay, raise your hand if you don't have balls! (group of boys eagerly raise their hands)

–LIRR

Overheard by: Chadwick

Posted on April 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Boyfriends, Clerks, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Football, Girls, Guys, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Promiscuity, Queens, Questions, Store, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

I Will Now Proceed to Hum, “It's a Small World After All”

Post office girl to customer ringing bell: Holding the bell down ain't gonna make them come any faster.
Customer: I know, but at least it will annoy the fuck out of you.

–180th St. Post Office

Posted on April 28, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Clerks, Customers, Insults, Only in New York, Post Office

American or Australian?

Breakfast cart guy: Do you have change for a $5?
Customer: No, sorry.
Breakfast cart guy, to hobo under blanket: Do you have singles for a $5?
Hobo: Me? Why are you asking me… (stops to think) Wait…as a matter of fact, I do!

–3rd Ave & 9th St

Overheard by: Hunter

Posted on April 28, 2009
Clerks, Customers, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

I Believe “Munchkinland” Is After “Mozambique” on the Shelf

Female customer: Do you guys have the Wizard of Oz?
Salesperson: Uh, I think that would be in “foreign.”

–NoHo Blockbuster

Posted on April 23, 2009
Clerks, Customers, Foreigners, Movies, Offers and requests, Store, Stupidity, The Village

$5 a Handjob Just Doesn't Stretch As Far As It Used to

Nigerian pharmacy assistant: Okay, is $50.00.
Overweight middle aged man: For that?! That tiny cream!? Forget it.
Nigerian pharmacy assistant: You don't want?
Overweight middle aged man: Nah, no thanks. I'll go with the rash.

–CVS Pharmacy

Overheard by: Jonathan Ferrantelli

Posted on April 17, 2009
Clerks, Customers, Fat People, Foreigners, Health and Hygiene, Money & Class, Store

Dueling Morons Can Be More Entertaining Than Television

Pizza guy #1, after reading Snapple cap: Okay: what's a bird that can swim but can't fly? Seven letters.
Pizza guy #2: Hmmm…a duck?
Pizza guy #1: What? No, seven letters. And a duck isn't even a bird, a duck is a duck!

–Pizza Parlor, Upper West Side

Overheard by: EthanK