Travel agent: But they do give a wristband to all-inclusive guests and…
Slightly pudgy woman, in exasperated voice: But I don't usually wear anything on holidays!
–Travel Agent, 23rd St
Travel agent: But they do give a wristband to all-inclusive guests and…
Slightly pudgy woman, in exasperated voice: But I don't usually wear anything on holidays!
–Travel Agent, 23rd St
Salesperson, after seeing Jewish last name on credit card: Sorry about all that craziness in Israel!
Jew: It's okay. We're used to it.
–Houston & Varick
Professional-sounding female on cell in bathroom stall: What? (sounds of toilet paper roll) In the bathroom? No! (indignantly) I…I'm…near the bathroom!
–Women's Bathroom, FAO Schwartz
Overheard by: near the computer
Girl to friend in bathroom stall: That crack in the door is big enough for me to see the crack of 'yo ass.
–Women's Bathroom, Hunter College
Man exiting bathroom stall to waiting man: No, no, no. Feces.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: matt
Black loud cleaning lady to Asian woman: Excuse me, miss? Why you gotta be leaving the seat up? You always leave the seat up! Putting the seat up is okay, but if you put it up, put it down!
–Ladies Room, LIRR
Overheard by: BK
Guy on cell in toilet stall: Now I am unbuckling my belt. (pause) Now I am unzipping my pants. (pause) Now I am pulling down my pants. (pause) Now I am pulling down my underwear. (pause) Now I am sitting down.
–Men's Room, Billy Elliott
Old guy peeing in a urinal, with childlike delight and glee: Wheeeee! Wheeeeeeeeee! Wooooooooooooo! Wheeeeeeeee!
–Men's Room, McDonald's
Professor: I hate that bitch so much, I will give you all As for this semester if you sabotage her class.
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: queenofscots
Four-year-old boy to mom holding up newspaper clipping of female model: I can't use this, I hate women!
–Union Square
Overheard by: amused
Little blonde girl sitting at table with parents: I hate everyone!
–48th St & 30th Ave
Overheard by: kteezy
Loud girl to man at the counter: Hey, what are you looking at me like that for? (man at the counter shakes head) You know damn well what I am talking about…I love you too. (pause) Nawwww, just kidding…I hate your stinky ass.
–Deli, Nostrand Ave & Kings Highway
Small boy, gleefully: I hate Joe the plumber. Joe, Joe, Joe…I hate Joe.
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: me too…
Old guy on mountain bike: (makes Chewbacca-like noise into the service window of a pizzeria)
Unseen person across the street: (same noise)
Old guy on bike to pizzeria worker: See?
–5th Ave, Sunset Park
Overheard by: B. Clothman
Customer: Are these shorts with NYU on the back for men or women?
Male employee in ghetto accent: Miss, would you let your boyfriend wear that on his ass?
–NYU Bookstore
Overheard by: Adrianna
20-something girl: And then they had another raffle and I won another 30 minutes of free porn and a vibrator.
–Chelsea Market
Overheard by: eSong
Man, talking to himself in the park: I don't discriminate against women. Women discriminate against me. Why? Because they have all different kinds of dildos.
–City Hall Park
Salesman, shouting to man with girlfriend: Have you been neglecting your butthole lately? I'm selling some nice greasy vibrators here!
–34th St
Overheard by: Jessica
30-something balding man on cell: Dildo and show…
–14th & 3rd
Woman to friends posing for picture: 1…2…3…say: "sex toys!"
–West Village
Mythology professor: Ares was a bit stupid, so Aphrodite was pretty much the brains of that operation. For her, he was basically just a living dildo.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Sarah
Jersey man, describing doughnuts to his daughter: And this one has so much chocolate…so much chocolate it will turn your skin brown!
Brown-skinned employee: Um, that's not true.
Jersey man: Look at this guy! He used to be Swedish!
–The Doughnut Plant
Airport customs officer: Are you bringing in any fruits or vegetables or anything that needs to be washed?
Non-sarcastic tourist: I have dirty clothes.
–JFK
Overheard by: MJMJ
Nerdy tourist boy looking at display: My depth perception is yelling at me…
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: jules
Pizza guy on cell: Have a good 4th… What? No, I said to have a good 4th, not "may the force be with you." (pause) Have a good 4th. (pause) Yeah, have a good 4th, and may the force be with you. Uh- huh. Good night.
–Dekalb & Hall St, Brooklyn
Indian nerd to friends, in the midst of heated debate: Dude, vitamins are fucking weak!
–Grand Central Subway Platform
Overheard by: djprojexion
Geek on cell, in line at Comic Con: Dude, I'm at the con… It's like, ten times more awesome…than anything awesome!
–NYC Comic Con
Overheard by: RedmanInc
Nerdy guy: Some super powers come with implied powers. Like the power of flight. You assume the power of wind resistance, because you'd get pretty freaking cold flying 200 mph. But no one ever thinks of that.
–Fordham Law School
