Anatomically-Correct Wednesday One-Liners

Serious guy to another: See these hands? These are my bread and butter!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Hi-D

Well-dressed 25-year-old on phone: Yes. (pause) Please spare me the placenta. (pause) Okay, well, as long as it's clean.

–Key Foods

Woman on cell: So, she doesn't think her body is going to be ready by then?

–32nd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Publius

Man on cell: I wish I could just take my legs off. That would be so much easier.

–45th St & Ave of the Americas

Loud chick: Yeah, I'm still taking French classes. Last week we did commands, and this week we're learning, like, body parts.

–Hudson St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

20-something girl on cell: But I have several heads…

–Metro-North Rail

Three-year-old boy to punk girl in black fishnets, as he pokes though holes: Um… why is your legs trapped?

–Thompkins Square Park

Posted on December 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Education, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Punks, Questions, School and studying, Street, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Fine. Now Explain the “I Fuck Men” T-Shirt.

Guy: Why do men keep flirting with me?
Girl #1: Why do you think?
Guy: Is it because of my pants?
Girl #2: Because they're tight?
Guy: These are loose!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on December 22, 2009
Clothing, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Parks, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Washington Square Park

The Way That Miley Cyrus Is Part Of Ours.

Black six-year-old boy to Muslim six-year-old girl: Why do you wear that thing on your head?
Hispanic six-year-old girl: Oh my god! Don't you know it's, like, part of her culture?

–B Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on December 20, 2009
Black People, Clothing, Kids, Latinos, On the Subway, Questions

…Real Blood Is Much Easier to Deal With.

Girl: Hey!
Older guy: Hey! How's your film shoot going?
Girl: Great! I'm almost done!
Random sketch: Be careful not to get any fake blood on your clothes. I know you're wearing all black, but still. (winks)
(no response)
Random sketch: I used to do a lot of coke.

–E 10th & Ave A

Posted on December 17, 2009
Advice, Alphabet City, Blood & bleeding, Clothing, Cocaine, Colors, Fakes, Film, Girls, Guys, Strangers

Christian Siriano: “Wednesday Is a Hot One-Liner Mess”

Disco-glam drag queen: It was! It was baby oil, and I knew it!

–Rubulad, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: Katie

Black drag queen in kimono: I'm a corn pone Southern faggot, we do not do yoga.

–Tribeca

Overheard by: Ryan K

Hysterical Latina transvestite: My life is in my ass, mijo!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Jean

Drag queen hooker to older lady staring at her: You so wish you could wear a onesie like me.

–MTA

Posted on December 16, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Black People, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drag queens, Health and Hygiene, Latinos, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Prostitutes, Prostitution, Trannies, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Yoga

Oscar the Grouch's Attorney Argues That Different Laws Apply to Muppets

Horrified woman to cop: Um, sir? There's a homeless man by the garbage can with his pants down.
Cop, exasperated: Awwww, naked guy!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Fi

Posted on December 10, 2009
Anger Management, Clothing, Cops, Homeless, Penn Station, Women

A Farewell to Wednesday One-Liners

Teenage boy, explaining why he joined the Air Force: We've been around since World War II. We fought against the Germans and sank several submarines. We also killed a whale, but that's not the point.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

20-something dude to friend: Ma-fucking-rines! The Marines! Man, I'ma join up, be a Marine, and go all over the world, fuck, and have babies. I'ma get laid and have a baby in every country: Spain, France… even Pakistan!

–50th & 8th

Overheard by: camillia*

Little boy in army fatigues hiding behind fallen tree: Pow! Pow! Look, mommy! It's the Battle of the Bulge!

–St. Mark's

Lady with Russian accent to salesperson in outerwear section: I don't like the style, it's not feminine. It's like for soldiers, or Chinese people.

–Lord & Taylor, 39th St

Overheard by: mira

Off-duty MTA worker to another: Britain? Whatever man, we beat they ass with… muskets and shit!

–6 Train

Posted on December 9, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Clerks, Clothing, Customers, Friends, Gender issues, Gripes, Guys, History & Geography, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, On the Subway, One-liners, Private Parts, Queens, Race, School, Sex, Store, Street, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Violence, War, Weapons, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Why Forever 21 Exists

Teenybopper #1, giggling and running barefoot: We look like such crack whores!
Teenybopper #2: Yes, that's exactly the look I'm going for.

–Park Slope

Posted on December 7, 2009
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Hard Drugs, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Prostitution, Stupidity, Teens

And Impossible With It Up, One Would Think

Boy: Man, this semester I'm going to fuck everyone. I'm gonna be a real man-whore.
Friends: Uh-huh.
Man leaving train: Someone should tell him it's hard to be a man-whore with his zipper down.

–F Train

Posted on November 29, 2009
Clothing, Comebacks, Friends, Guys, On the Subway, Passengers, Physical appearance, Promiscuity, Sex, Strangers, Wishes & desires

“Wear a Cardigan Like the Other Grandmas!” I Tell Her.

College dude: No, seriously, she tries to dress like you.
Hippie girl: You think?
College dude: Yeah, but she can't pull it off because you dress like a hipster. In fact, any attempt she makes is futile.

–Computer Lab, Pace University

Overheard by: Conformity is Futile!

Posted on November 24, 2009
Clothing, College, Compare/Contrast, Hippies, Students

Clothing