I Could Hardly Contain My Cheese Sauce

Recently engaged woman to family: So, he sent me a message saying “Hey, I was looking at your profile and I noticed we had a lot in common, so check out my profile.” So I looked at his picture and I was scared to death! And then I went through his pictures and when I saw the one of him in the macaroni suit I knew that was the man I was going to marry.
Old woman: Oh, I know. It was like that with my husband.
Recently engaged woman: I saw him in the macaroni suit and I knew I was going to marry him.

–Restaurant, 59th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Brian

Posted on January 21, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Families, Fears, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, Pictures, Restaurants & Cafes, Women

Have You Ever Faked a Wednesday One-Liner?

Guy on cell: We get a little crazy wearing real pants. If we go to the store or something, we'll find ourselves bickering because we're wearing real pants.

–Washington Square Park

Traffic cop, motioning people to move quicker to clear the intersection: C'mon, people! They're real cars, they hit real hard!

–Broadway & Houston

Incredulous 30-something to tourist parents, during intermission of The Lion King: Well, I'm just really disappointed. I thought there were going to be real lions.

–Minskoff Theater

Overheard by: Not at the Circus

Lady in glasses on cell: Being naked is being real.

–West Broadway & Thomas St

Overheard by: Alex S.

Posted on January 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Cars and Driving, Clothing, Cops, Crazy, Guys, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Physical appearance, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Theater, Theater & Dance, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

One Way to Get Kids to Take Subway Rides in Peace

Small girl dressed as pink fairy to woman next to her dressed in brown dress with a pentacle necklace: Hi. I like your costume.
Woman: Thank you, but it's not a costume.
(long pause)
Girl: What are you supposed to be, anyway?
Woman: A witch.
Girl: But you're not really a witch, right?
Woman: Yes, I am.
Girl: No, you're not!
Woman: Yes, I am.
Girl: You can't be a witch, you don't even have a wand!
(woman proceeds to pull wand out of her bookbag)
Girl: Eeee! Moooooooommy! She's going to turn me into a frooooog!

–A Train

Posted on January 10, 2010
Clothing, Compliments, Fears, Kids, Magic, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Women

The Day Barbie Realized Her Infinite Power

Thug to smiling girl: It's so nice to see a pretty girl smiling!
Smiling girl: Everybody's been so nice to me today… I don't know what's going on!
Thug, pointing at her breasts: Did you just grow those last night, girl?
Smiling girl: Oh my god! I'm wearing a push up bra today! (pause) Well, I'll have to buy more of these! (walks away, jutting her chest out)

–48th & 2nd

Posted on January 2, 2010
Beauty, Clothing, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Rack, Shopping, Thugs

Social Commentary, OINY Style

Ghetto-fabulous girl #1: Oh my god! I love this floor. It is so nice. And the people. They are so beautiful, every one of them!
Ghetto-fabulous girl #2: Mmm-hmm! And they dress so good–all professional.
Ghetto-fabulous girl #1: Damn! I bet they've got health insurance and shit!

–41st St & Madison

Posted on December 28, 2009
Beauty, Clothing, Ghetto Chicks, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class

Anatomically-Correct Wednesday One-Liners

Serious guy to another: See these hands? These are my bread and butter!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Hi-D

Well-dressed 25-year-old on phone: Yes. (pause) Please spare me the placenta. (pause) Okay, well, as long as it's clean.

–Key Foods

Woman on cell: So, she doesn't think her body is going to be ready by then?

–32nd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Publius

Man on cell: I wish I could just take my legs off. That would be so much easier.

–45th St & Ave of the Americas

Loud chick: Yeah, I'm still taking French classes. Last week we did commands, and this week we're learning, like, body parts.

–Hudson St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

20-something girl on cell: But I have several heads…

–Metro-North Rail

Three-year-old boy to punk girl in black fishnets, as he pokes though holes: Um… why is your legs trapped?

–Thompkins Square Park

Posted on December 23, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Education, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Punks, Questions, School and studying, Street, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Fine. Now Explain the “I Fuck Men” T-Shirt.

Guy: Why do men keep flirting with me?
Girl #1: Why do you think?
Guy: Is it because of my pants?
Girl #2: Because they're tight?
Guy: These are loose!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on December 22, 2009
Clothing, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Parks, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Washington Square Park

The Way That Miley Cyrus Is Part Of Ours.

Black six-year-old boy to Muslim six-year-old girl: Why do you wear that thing on your head?
Hispanic six-year-old girl: Oh my god! Don't you know it's, like, part of her culture?

–B Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on December 20, 2009
Black People, Clothing, Kids, Latinos, On the Subway, Questions

…Real Blood Is Much Easier to Deal With.

Girl: Hey!
Older guy: Hey! How's your film shoot going?
Girl: Great! I'm almost done!
Random sketch: Be careful not to get any fake blood on your clothes. I know you're wearing all black, but still. (winks)
(no response)
Random sketch: I used to do a lot of coke.

–E 10th & Ave A