Hobo #1: Hey, did you change your pants?!
Hobo #2: Hmm…?
Hobo #1: Yeah, you did change your pants. Before they were black, and now they're blue.
Hobo #2: Yeah, I changed my pants. Well, you shitted yourself!
Hobo #1: Yeah, I shitted myself. Oh well…
–Ave A & 6th St
Overheard by: Georgia
Man to girlfriend: You should be a model for Playboy hoodie edition.
Girlfriend: Really?
Man: Yeah, you look good in hoodies.
–6th Ave & 11th St
Customer: Um, can I get a discount on this coat?
Cashier: Is there anything wrong with it?
Customer: No, I just don't have a lot of money right now.
–Urban Outfitters, NoHo
Loud bald man: My grandmother taught me that it's rude to keep your hat on while you're eating! Take it off, Robin Hood!
Guy in hat: (mumbles)
Loud bald man: Come on, take it off. We're not in fuckin' Mexico.
Loud blonde woman: Isn't it so great that he's Mexican-German? His parents are so great.
Guy in hat: (mumbles again)
–Le Zie, 7th Ave
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Blonde: Look, that guy in the gray sweater is the only one working here.
Brunette: I know! It's terrible.
Blonde: I wish the government would come by and look at this, and see all these people waiting. We should call them.
Brunette: Do you think they care?
Blonde: No.
–Social Security Office, 2nd Ave
Asian girl: A tranny spat and peed on me last night… so I guess I'm okay.
–Screaming MiMi's Boutique
Overheard by: Nancy
Gay guy, after woman bumps into him: Did you just step on my vagina?
–A Train
College boy: So then I woke up and realized I was next to a tranny…
–Manhattan College
"Girl" sitting at the door: My panties are too small to hold my dick in.
–Williamsburg
Catholic school girl, carrying large backpack, to friend: I'm looking forward to leaving this bathroom a guy. A very effeminate guy, but still a guy.
–Bathroom, Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Innocent Bathroom-goer
Thug #1: Dude, I heard that bitch had a baby by her son, her father, and her grandfather!
Thug #2: Son, I told you not to wear burgundy!
Thug #1: What? What the hell does that have to do with it?
Thug #2: Looking like shit has everything to do with everything.
Thug #1: Well, you're wearing red…
Thug #2: That's totally different, dumbass.
–Downtown 1 Train
Girl: I only remember things when I insult them!
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
College dude: I remember this place… We were here last night right before I blacked out!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Amanda
Girl on cell: Okay, if you're stopping by my house, remember to bring that shirt you borrowed from me. Mmm-hmm. By the way, your husband wants to get it on with another dude.
–Union Square
Woman on cell: Alright, honey, have a fun bachelor party. Just promise me you'll get shit-faced, fall-on-your-ass drunk so you can't remember any of those strippers. Okay?
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wait. What?
Son, pointing at magazine: I like those pants.
Father: But those look tight.
Son: That's what's in style right now.
Father, after a pause: Did I ever tell you when I used to take you to Tompkins Square Park as a baby, everyone thought you were a girl ?
–A Train
