Clothing

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Passion for Fashion

Man on cell: I had a great time last night… Yeah, I got home really late, too. I lost my scarf, but I gained a boa… [Louder] A boa… [Louder still] A boa… Black.

–Q train over Manhattan Bridge

Overheard by: Tyler

Crazy hipster: I always suspected them of wearing coats!

–L train

Overheard by: brian Sabowski

Chick: You know, if you lift your skirt up and the guy still doesn’t respond, maybe you should give up the ghost.

–Marquee, 26th & 10th

Dude: You know, it’s probably because the aluminum foil in your fedora is melting.

–Gramercy Park

Overheard by: i work with this

Girl: I was, like, covered in beer. I didn’t even know where my skirt was.

–6th St & 2nd Ave

Dude on cell: … But when you’re sick, you don’t wear pants.

–Red Cat, 10th Ave

Tourist girl, excited: I just bought this 100 percent cashmere scarf for five bucks! I just gotta find out what kinda fabric it’s made out of.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Jen & Paul

It’s Easier for the Airline Than Keeping Track of Your Luggage

Black guy #1: Dawg, we been waitin’ here for a min– I think someone done jacked my shit.
Black guy #2: What? Yo, you serious?
Black guy #1: I’m for real. All my Sean John, Fubu — all my damn gear was in that shit.
Black guy #2: Nigga, don’t worry, just jack someone else’s shit. Don’t matter noway.

–Baggage claim, JFK

Wednesday One-Liners Are Up to $7.50 a Pack

Pilot on intercom: This is a non-smoking flight. Please do not smoke until… ever. Smoking is bad for you.

–American Airlines flight

Ghetto mom to lady with cigarette: Bitch, you just ashed on my baby!

–Outside Times Square Toys ‘R’ Us

Overheard by: trying not to ash on the stroller myself

Professor arguing with student: I’m just giving you a hard time. I accidentally bought the low-dose Nicotine gum, and it’s just not cutting it.

–100 Washington Sq East

Little girl: Mommy, you know how it’s cool to wear black? Maybe having black lungs is cool, too!

–Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport

Conductor: As a reminder, there is no smoking allowed in the train restrooms. We know who you are.

–Amtrak Acela approaching Penn Station

Overheard by: wasn’t me

Red-faced white guy: Augh! I was just so mad at him! I couldn’t take it anymore. I hate that guy so much! I want to bust him in his face and take all his teeth. I’d grind ’em up and smoke them. Smoke his teeth right there in front of him.

–PATH, 9th St

Overheard by: Zenana

Chick: I think I’m going to take up smoking in order to make friends.

–Christopher & Bleecker

We’re Friends, but We’re Not Best Friends

Man: Oh my gosh, that’s so embarrassing. Am I wearing white underwear?
Woman: I didn’t know how to tell you.
Man: What, we can talk about cock sucking, but you can’t tell me I have a rip in my pants?

–Outside Prune restaurant, Lower East Side

I Could Sell It and Buy Me Some Body Parts

Man to fat lady holding up traffic on the stairs: Excuse me, ma’am. Do you need a hand?
Fat lady: Do I need a hand? Yeah, I need a hand, a foot, an arm, a leg… Shit, nigga, I need a mink coat!

–Subway exit stairs, 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky

Britney Has a Talk with Her Publicist

Girl #1: That is such a cute shirt.
Girl #2: Thanks, but it’s actually a dress.
Girl #1: Is it?
Girl #2: Well, I hope so, because I’m not wearing any pants.

–NYU

Good Luck with the Pregnancy

Girl #1: Hey, Sarah*, it’s great to see you! Great, um, tunic! Are those stretch pants?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Oh! Because on you, they totally look like stretch pants! Rock on!

–Floyd bar, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: A White Bear

And They Didn’t Say ‘Juicy’ on the Ass

Skinny blonde girl: So, was she Jewish?
20-something guy: No, she couldn’t have been. She was wearing pants.

–1st Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: I hate that I know this kid.

Dad’s Putting Your Stuff on the Front Lawn As We Speak

Mom: How about this hat? Try this on.
Daughter: What? Ew, no, I’ll look like a homeless person!
Mom: You are homeless.

–Kmart, Astor Place

Overheard by: mia

He’s Talking about His Generation

Man in Who shirt: Whoa! I didn’t see that shirt! That’s a cool one!
Man with French accent: Oh, yeah, I got this one at the show in France.
Man in Who shirt: Were they screaming as loud as we were tonight?
Man with French accent: No, we put our hands over our heads and snap our fingers and say ‘Ooh-la-la.’
His wife: What’d you have to do that for? You don’t have to fuck around with everyone on the street!
Man with French accent, now speaking in Brooklyn accent: What’s the fun of wearing a fake, five-dollar Chinatown Who shirt if I’m not gonna make fun of those assholes in the process?

–Pizza shop outside MSG after the Who show

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