Wednesday One-Liners, for Purely Medicinal Purposes

Guy wearing a promotional cardboard to another: I think I'm going to treat myself to health insurance next month.

–Broadway & 43rd St

Overheard by: Maria

Woman on phone: My urologist wanted to stick a microscope up my urethra! (pause) No! (pause) Because it's going to hurt!

–Vandam St & 6th Ave

20-something woman on cell: Yeah, the doctor told me not to exfoliate my labia.

–R Train

Overheard by: Note to self….

Bartender: I gotta get sexy for my doctor tomorrow. I'm gonna be like, "doctor, I need you to examine me. I need you to remove my garments." Nah… I'm just playin'. My doctor's cute, though. For real. I'm just gonna show some cleavage or somethin'.

–Jamaica, Queens

Woman on phone: She wants to be a doctor. She likes it when the guts fall out. (pause) No, she wouldn't do that. She's too lazy to be a serial killer.

–Fox Newsroom, 6th & 48th

Overheard by: Newsbunny

Posted on November 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bartenders, Beauty, Body Parts, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Queens, Rack, Science, Sensory Experiences, Soho, Street, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liners, Hosted by Rackspace

Woman on cell: He was here for ten days and he only touched my boobs twice!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: and my girlfriend would be upset if it were 10 minutes

Old thug passing three fat chicks on their way to a club: Explosion of titties!

–Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn

Hipster barista guy: A boob is just a moisturized bag of skin, seriously!

–Think Coffee

Overheard by: its to early for this conversation

Full-on punk guy: Dude! Shit is so good! I just want someone to squirt tahini all over my tits!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Dahlia

Girl on phone: Wait! What? No! Well, I do shit a lot. But I don't want to shit my boobs away!

–Times Square

Posted on November 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Fat People, Girls, Hipsters, Kink, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Punks, Rack, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, The Village, Thugs, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One-Liner Is Performance

20-something woman on cell: So I'm like, "Be a man and go in the ladies' room!"

–19th & 7th

Overheard by: tycho anomaly

40-something suit on cell: Why do I have to be the girl?

–University Place & 14th St

Overheard by: rich

Meathead: To the point where the hottest women in Thailand are men. But I mean, no homo or anything.

–Uptown 5 Train

Overheard by: Can't vouch for this

Woman on cell: So yeah, men and women are different. Anyway…

–High Line Park

Overheard by: hudson williams-eynon

Guy, looking at friend's iPhone: Ugh, I really didn't need to see shemale penis today.

–99 Below Restaurant

Overheard by: Calvin SC

Posted on November 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, iPod, Meatheads, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Street, Suits, The Village, Trannies, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Kevin Decides to Get a Fitness Program and Some New Friends

Chinese teen #1: Dude, you are “Fat Kevin” on my cell.
Chinese teen #2: What?
Chinese teen #1: I can't tell all you Kevins' voices! There's a fat Kevin, a skinny Kevin, an Indian Kevin, and just Kevin.

–Internet Cafe, Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Renata

Posted on November 10, 2009
Chinese, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Physical appearance, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens

Mr. Trump Is Just Mean

Fat chick to friends: And then he said I reminded him of Rosie O'Donnell! (starts hysterically crying)
Friend #1: How? Like because you're funny?
Fat chick: No! Because I'm fat! (continues crying)
(man walking by bursts out laughing)
Friend #2: It's not funny!
Man walking away: Yes it is!

–7th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Jesse H.

Posted on November 9, 2009
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Crying, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Laughter, Men, Physical appearance, Strangers, TV, Union Square and East Village

But Only If MTV Is There to Film It

Guy #1: So I literally threw the books at her. And I said, “What's the point anymore? We fight like cats and dogs every time…”
Guy #2: So maybe we should all move in together in one big house! And we could marry each other's wives!
Guy #3: Yeah! Maybe…?

–17th St & 7th Ave

Posted on November 9, 2009
Books & Writing, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Gay Man's Best Friend, Guys, Man's Best Friend, Marriage, Questions, Relationships

Whiteboards and Dry-Erase Markers Have Left Us Culturally Deprived

Asian girl #1: I always wondered what chalk tasted like.
Asian girl #2: (silence)
Asian girl #1: Do you know what chalk tastes like?

–Elizabeth Center

Posted on November 8, 2009
Asians, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Lower East Side, Questions, Sensory Experiences

I Checked Her Birth Certificate

Hispanic teenage girl #1: I don't know about that girl. She just don't fit in with our group.
Hispanic teenage girl #2: Yeah, she think she ghetto fabulous, but she just ghetto.

–Brooklyn

Posted on November 6, 2009
Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Gossip, Latinos, Teens

Who Knew Sex With Strangers Could Be Unsatisfying?

Walk of shame girl #1: He said I was the best 20-minute decision he ever made.
Walk of shame girl #2: Oh my god, really??
Walk of shame girl #1: Yeah, more like 5 minutes.

–89th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Just Out For Coffee

Posted on November 6, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Time, Upper East Side

New Yorkers Aren't Impressed When You Put on the Dog

Woman to waiter: Oh my god! I left my mink stole here. Oh please don't let it be gone. (goes to table, finds stole) Oh, thank god I found my mink stole and no one took it!
Woman at next table: Oh, please, bitch, ain't nobody want your German Shepherd!

–The Diner Restaurant, Midtown

Posted on November 6, 2009
Baristas, Clothing, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Restaurants & Cafes

Compare/Contrast