Can You Get Wednesday One-Liners from a Toilet Seat?

Girl swimming in the Hudson River: I'm afraid if I take a pee, I'll get a venereal disease!

–Hudson River & 26th St

Overheard by: Nellie

(student #1 loudly hacks up a lung, while everyone else turns around in horror)
Student #2: Whoa, what do you have, chlamydia or something?

–11th Grade English Classroom, Bushwick

Overheard by: The Teacher

Angry drunk man to bemused drunk woman: I don't wanna fuck you, okay? I'm just saying I don't have genital warts!

–Ave A & Houston

Groaning guy on corner: I really don't want crabs…

–53rd & 6th

20-something woman: Everybody has issues. They're like herpes one.

–St. Mark's

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Posted on February 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Fears, Girls, Guys, Hudson River, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Pee, Questions, Sex, STDs, Street, Students, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

A Brief History Of Wednesday One-Liners

Suit: The ancients left records all over the place. Look at the pyramids, dickhead.

–83rd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: EthanK

Drunk guy, as '80s song plays on jukebox: '80s music was so inspirational, cuz they knew Reaganomics wasn't gonna work. '90s, we were in a boom so it was like, "don't forget how bad things are!" Now music just sucks, cuz everything sucks.

–The Punch Bowl, 238th & Broadway, The Bronx

Overheard by: Kyle Crocodile

Preppy blond guy: Wow, I didn't realize The Great Depression was so bad!

–Columbia Law School

Drunk hobo yelling at sidewalk: Fuck those guys! They can't fire me! They need me! What the fuck? I built those temples, goddamnit! Those Mayans need me! I'm the only one who built those temples!

–23rd b/w 4th & 5th

Wisdom-sharing mother of two: Well, of course socks were invented first! Soccer was invented before shoes and they wore socks to play it! Why do you think it's called soccer? They were wearing socks long before they were wearing shoes.

–Restaurant, Columbus Ave

Girl: Wait! George Washington is Johnny Appleseed, right?

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on February 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazy, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Hobos, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, One-liners, Politics, Preppies, Questions, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoes, Sports, Street, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, Suits, The Bronx, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

If Only There Were a Way to Get Unmarried…

Lady, about gentleman's twin sister: Is she still married?
Gentleman: Unfortunately. I keep telling her, if she'd just shot him fifteen years ago, she'd be out of jail by now. She's not any better off now.

–G Train

Overheard by: Meghan M.

Posted on February 2, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Marriage, Men, Murder, On the Subway, Prison, Shoot, Weirdness, Women

Minty-Fresh?

Hipster girl, pulling a pineapple out of garbage bag: Man, these totally smell like ass sometimes!
Hipster boy: This one smells okay. It's fine.
Hipster girl: No it's not–it smells like your ass!

–Metro North Rail

Posted on February 1, 2009
Ass, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Hipsters, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Trains Not Subway

I Think I've Found My Future Husband

Dude: That guy with the tattoo on his elbow was gorgeous.
Chick: I didn't see his face.
Dude: He looks like a scumbag.

–57th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Marie

Posted on February 1, 2009
Beauty, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance, Tattoos

Since the French Developed a Taste for Overpriced, Too-Sweet Coffee

Rich brunette: Like, I was just in Europe and it's all the same. Like, Paris and London are exactly the same as New York, there's no difference!
Blonde: But they speak French in Paris, though.
Rich brunette: But they even have Starbucks there too!

–Bryant Park

Posted on January 31, 2009
Bryant Park, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Global Geography, Languages, Rich people, Travel

I'm Beginning to Regret Abducting Them from That Playground in the First Place

Husband (about kids): I can't take them any more.
Wife: We were just as bad.
Husband: I was never bad. I was always good.
Wife: I was bad. I was a horror.
Husband: Then you deserve them!

–Central Park, Near Delacorte Theater

Overheard by: Lisa B.

Posted on January 31, 2009
Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Family Ties, Should've Used a Condom

Isn't That What's Inside a Memory Foam Mattress?

Girlfriend: This frappuccino tastes like foam.
Boyfriend: I guess they put a lot of foam in yours.
Girlfriend: Oh my god, they should make a foam-flavored frappuccino.

–Shuttle from Times Square to Grand Central

Overheard by: valerie

Posted on January 30, 2009
Coffee, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Grand Central, On the Bus, Times Square

The Day Rebecca Went Against the Grain

Middle Eastern man surrounded by bags of rice: Would you like to buy some rice?
Young woman: No, thanks.
Middle Eastern man: But it's good rice. Good strong rice.
Young woman: Oh, I've got plenty of rice at home.
Middle Eastern man: But your rice no good. This rice much better.
Woman (offended, screaming): You don't know what kind of rice I eat!
(long pause)
Middle Eastern man, sheepishly: Only $20.

–F Train

Overheard by: really wondering what kind of rice she eats