Professor: Do you ever feel that you have a mask you put up for society, and one that is only for you?
Female student: Well…to everybody else, I seem really sociable and outgoing, but what they don't know is that I'd rather just spend a long time inside myself.
–NYU Classroom
Overheard by: queenofscots
Girl #1: I don't think I'll be dating anyone anytime soon.
Girl #2: But why? We'll be going to college in a few months.
Girl #1: I know, but I just don't think I can settle for anything less than an Italian R&B singer.
–77th & 3rd
Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.
–LaGuardia Arts
Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!
–LIRR
Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!
–St. Mark's Place
Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"
–13th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: kdub
Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!
–42nd b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Couldn't agree more
Guy #1: I gotta say, when I was in Vegasssssssssss, I had the chicken parm.
Guy #2: Oh!
Guy #1: And believe it or not, it was the best chicken parm of my life!
Guy #2: Oh! I would be so conflicted.
–41st & 7th
Overheard by: Nathan
Hipster queer: This cigarette tastes like a taint.
Suit queer: That's weird.
Hipster queer: Yeah.
Suit queer: Cause I rubbed it in my armpit.
–NYU
Girl on cell: I would have had to study way a lot more to do better on that exam.
–72nd St & Broadway
Student: I cheated on every test in that class…I even cheated on the survey!
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Liz
Guy: I can't decide which song to listen to. (girls around him look at him quizzically) No, I normally listen to Van Halen's Right Now before a test, but this is my first exam in law school, and I want to set a precedent.
–Fordham Law School Cafeteria, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: pumpkin
Guy on phone: Yeah, normally in these situations I'd knock on my head, but I need my brain for the test today, so I'm not going to pretend it's wood.
–Ditmars & 31st St
Overheard by: Natalie
Student on phone: So what? I don't care that they're mad at me for getting pregnant again. I've got bigger things to deal with…two finals in one day.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Proctor: Okay, now don't leave any of the answers blank, cause it will be wrong. If you don't know, take a guess. It's like lotto: "Hey, you never know."
–New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene
Overheard by: Kristina
Random guy to everyone nearby: Yes, you are sexier than Conor Oberst–all of you.
–McCarren Park
Overheard by: Chris K
Beer guy: I got sexy beer for sexy people! Beer so cold it talks back to you! If you don't drink beer, you die!
–Brighton Beach
Overheard by: Damn, I'd better by a beer…
Little boy in preppy school uniform to Asian teenage girl: Mmmmmmm…I like sexy girls. I like them a loooot. (takes out imaginary cell phone) Mmmm, mmhmm…I'd like that. Ohhh.
–M1 Bus
Hobo to guy carrying mirror: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the sssssexiest of 'em all?
–13th & 5th
Freshman to group of friends: Yo, when Jack* first got his hair cut it looked mad weird, but now it looks mad sexy, no homo. It kind of looks like the Jonas Brothers.
–Bard High School Early College
Columbia girl: She was sexy, but she shouldn't have done that. That's so Adam Smith.
–1 train
Overheard by: EthanK
Puerto Rican guy to another: Out of all the continents, Staten Island is the craziest.
–Spring St b/w Mott & Elizabeth
Overheard by: Jack D
Girl to guy: I can't wait to be a Staten Islander.
–28th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Jennifer
Suit on cell: I take the Staten Island ferry because it's like a free cruise.
–60th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Mike
Ferry announcer: Please follow the signs posted for your assistance, and please see uniformed crew men in case of emergency. Thank you for riding the Staten Island ferry. Have a nice life!
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Steven
Professor: So is anyone here from Staten Island? (no reply) Good!
–NYU
Girl swimming in the Hudson River: I'm afraid if I take a pee, I'll get a venereal disease!
–Hudson River & 26th St
Overheard by: Nellie
(student #1 loudly hacks up a lung, while everyone else turns around in horror)
Student #2: Whoa, what do you have, chlamydia or something?
–11th Grade English Classroom, Bushwick
Overheard by: The Teacher
Angry drunk man to bemused drunk woman: I don't wanna fuck you, okay? I'm just saying I don't have genital warts!
–Ave A & Houston
Groaning guy on corner: I really don't want crabs…
–53rd & 6th
20-something woman: Everybody has issues. They're like herpes one.
–St. Mark's
Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred
Suit: The ancients left records all over the place. Look at the pyramids, dickhead.
–83rd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: EthanK
Drunk guy, as '80s song plays on jukebox: '80s music was so inspirational, cuz they knew Reaganomics wasn't gonna work. '90s, we were in a boom so it was like, "don't forget how bad things are!" Now music just sucks, cuz everything sucks.
–The Punch Bowl, 238th & Broadway, The Bronx
Overheard by: Kyle Crocodile
Preppy blond guy: Wow, I didn't realize The Great Depression was so bad!
–Columbia Law School
Drunk hobo yelling at sidewalk: Fuck those guys! They can't fire me! They need me! What the fuck? I built those temples, goddamnit! Those Mayans need me! I'm the only one who built those temples!
–23rd b/w 4th & 5th
Wisdom-sharing mother of two: Well, of course socks were invented first! Soccer was invented before shoes and they wore socks to play it! Why do you think it's called soccer? They were wearing socks long before they were wearing shoes.
–Restaurant, Columbus Ave
Girl: Wait! George Washington is Johnny Appleseed, right?
–Stuyvesant High School
