Overheard in Wednesday One-Liner

20-something dude to another: It's so hard to get laid in this city before 11 pm!

–M-15 Bus

Hottie: I am in New York City. You need to make $250,000 to live like a white person.

–28th & 29th

Overheard by: A black person from Chicago

20-something male to female: So you'd better be prepared. It's like the Times Square of New York.

–16th St & Union Square

Overheard by: Annie B

Middle-aged Hispanic dude to Indian salesperson: This is New York City. Nobody's gonna kill you, okay?

–Rite-Aid

Young gay man: That's what I hate about New York City. It's such a fucking small town.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: molls

Posted on December 12, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Desi, Fears, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Height, Idiots, Jobs & Careers, Latinos, Money & Class, Murder, On the Bus, One-liners, Only in New York, Queens, Queer guys, Race, Sex, Stupidity, Time, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

If You're Against Wednesday One-Liners, Don't Have One

Opera director, after tech sticks a wire hanger under the thermostat box to turn up the heat: Well, someone just got an abortion! (everyone stares) Okay, enough of that. Back to work! Ha! Ha! Ha!

–Brooklyn Music School

Comedy club promoter: Cheaper than a Chinese abortion!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mickey

Bar customer to bartender: You're only 22? I have an aborted fetus that's older than you!

–110th & Amsterdam

Man selling tickets: Help me pay for my girlfriend's abortion by coming to the comedy club!

–Times Square

Man to very pregnant friend he has not seen for a while: Karen! Oh my god, how are you? I thought you had gotten an abortion.

–D Train

Overheard by: blistexaddict

Posted on November 29, 2018
Abortion, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bartenders, Bosses, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Laughter, Men, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, School, Strangers, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners

CNN Needs More Scratching and Weave-Pulling

Black girl #1, after watching Eliot Spitzer’s apology: Did you see the wife? She was just standin’ there!
Black girl #2: That’s cause she’s not black. If that was me, I’da took off my ring and throwed it at his head.
Black girl #1: Mmmhmm. If she was black, she’d a keeped it real.

–Edward R. Murrow High School

Posted on November 26, 2018
Apologies, Black People, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Marriage, Politics, Prostitution, Race

For the Last Time, That Was a Sarcophagus

Dad: What was your favorite part of the museum?
Smart looking four-year-old in glasses: The water slide.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: Loen

Posted on November 21, 2018
Compare/Contrast, Dads, Kids, On the Subway, Questions, Visual Art

Sometimes, We Don't Even Want to Know.

Guy #1: I mean, if it's a noose, it's better to have a drop than just hang there.
Guy #2: Yeah, no way, man.
Guy #1: On the other hand, if it's a meat hook, a drop would do some serious internal damage.

–W 35th & 9th

Posted on November 8, 2018
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Weirdness

And What About Air? People Live in it For 80 Years Then Just Die.

JAP #1: Oh my God, alcohol kills so many people.
JAP #2: Ok, you know water kills more people than alcohol.
JAP #1: What are you talking about?
JAP #2: You’re so stupid! Don’t you remember the floods?

–Union Square

Overheard by: bob

Posted on October 27, 2018
Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Idiots, JAPs, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Union Square and East Village

Doctor: Get Me Fifty CCs of Gay Porn, Stat!

Queer hipster #1: She’s a bitch.
Queer hipster #2: She *is* a bitch!
Queer hipster #1: She’s a bitch, and she’s ugly and fat.
Queer hipster #2: I know! I saw her in a bathing suit, and I swear, I have never been more flaccid in my life!

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Posted on October 22, 2018
Compare/Contrast, Default, Hipsters, Insults, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Words

I Would Totally Breed With Her

Suit #1: Oh hey, how did dinner with Karen go the other night?
Suit #2: Oh man, she is so hot. She looks like…like a golden retriever. Too bad she has a boyfriend.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Have been told I look like a Burmese cat

Posted on October 19, 2018
Compare/Contrast, Infidelity, On the Subway, Questions, Relationships, Suits

Nice to Meet You, by the Way.

Girl #1: I want to go home with that guy. Do you have a razor?
Girl #2: No, sorry, why?
Girl #1: My coochie looks like a dead raccoon.

–Fat Baby Club, Lower East Side

Posted on October 19, 2018
Animals & Nature, Bars & Clubs, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Hair, Lower East Side, Offers and requests, Physical appearance, Vagina, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Sure, Lisa, Some Magical Wednesday One-Liner….

Dude with chick to group of smokers outside bar: We are going to eat pork chops and fuck.

–Bleecker and Crosby

Gay male on cell: …Do you really think I would try his sausage balls?

–53rd St & 8th Ave

Budget Vin Diesel: I love bacon. If I could, I would put bacon in my cereal.

–Sunburnt Cow, Avenue C

Overheard by: LeahPia77

Hispanic deli worker: Es muy barato, como la carne de gato.

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Anna Pilar

Black man, to Jewish friend: You’re not Jewish. You had bacon at your baby’s naming ceremony. Thickest, juiciest most delicious bacon I ever ate in my life. You named your kid Samuel and you had bacon. Delicious, delicious bacon.

–A Train

Man on cell phone: The sausages! I mean, I don’t feel bad for the hot dogs. But, the sausages?!

–41st and 7th

Overheard by: Justin

Posted on October 18, 2018
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Balls, Black People, Boyfriends, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Guys, Judaism, Junk Food & Fast Food, Languages, Latinos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Compare/Contrast