Man: But I’m just not attracted to you. You’re like a sister to me.
Woman: But I’m not your sister. And besides, you know, me and my sister fooled around when we were little.
Man: Hmmm, let’s see. After this we could go get a drink, or I could go home and think about how much I’m not attracted to you…
Woman: I mean think about it…Hypothetical incest. Predetermined lust, undeformed children.
–Al di La, Park Slope
Guy: Ooh, actuarial, eh? That’s like birds, right?
–Silver Center, Washington Square East
Overheard by: Chirag Shah
Guy #1: I think I’m done dating girls that people have heard of.
Guy #2: Duuude.
–Barnes & Noble
Girl: I really enjoy going to movies by myself these days. Most of the guys I date, we don’t have same taste in movies.
Guy: That’s a great idea. Plus, you don’t get some weirdo trying to
“inadvertantly” place your hand on his cock.
–L train
Overheard by: Vivian
Thug to friends: Look, whatever, but I have never found myself with a girl who has no face.
–Columbia University
Thug: Yo, I got a huge blunt in my pocket… Oh, wait, that’s my inhaler.
–Q train
Overheard by: djingo
Thug: Fuck that. Fuck that, nigga! If Bill Gates offered me 20 billion dollars to suck his cock, I’d swallow. Fuck.
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: I would, too.
Thug athlete, after soccer game: You always be playin’ that shit. You play that shit here, you play that shit in basketball, you play that shit in choir…
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: this guy
Thug on cell: I don’t know where I was, but they’s Germans everywhere in this hood! They on my left, right. Damn! [Looks around anxiously] Now I know how Patton felt, son!
–14th & Driggs
Teen thug to friend: Yo, man, have you looked at a map of Manhattan? Know what that shit looks like?!
–W 79th
Overheard by: Nikki W.
Large bald man on Bluetooth: He got a fuckin' boo boo, that's all!
–Gramercy
Suit on cell: So, I haven't been electrocuted…yet.
–L Train
Elderly woman: I regret that she broke her arm. I do not regret pushing her down the stairs.
–E Train
Overheard by: Pat
Little boy: I hope the boo-boo goes away soon! My staple won't hold that long!
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Say what?
Guy on train to friend: Hey, would you still date a girl if she was in an industrial accident and had to wear a Darth Vader suit forever?
–6 Train
Girl: We need to find you a rebound for your rebound.
Guy: Isn’t a rebound rebound just a girlfriend?
Girl: Whoa.
Guy: Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out with my existentialism. You are high, after all. [Girl is silent.] Bright colors! Wavy things!
–7th & 3rd
Logic-major girl #1: You’re totally into rich men. Like, I can see you dating a multi-million-dollar dork like Bill Gates.
Logic-major girl #2: I’m not attracted to money. I just like middle-aged men in suits, and you have to be rich to wear a suit. Also, I want someone who can pay for my abortion, because Lord knows I can’t afford it.
–Greenwich Village
Overheard by: I’m not pregnant
Chick: Last night’s blind date was so boring.
Guy: Oh, yeah?
Chick: I was so bored I got drunk, but my hair caught on fire from the candle on the table.
Guy: Oh my god!
Chick: I didn’t know my hair was ablaze when he threw water on me, and I was like, ‘What the fuck are you doing?!’
–D train
Girl: Damn, when my grandmother see me in this, she gone have a strizzoke!
–Filene’s Basement, Union Square
