Little kid: Mommy, what's peyote?
Mom, looking around nervously: Ummm…ask your father, sweetie.
–F Train
Little kid: Mommy, what's peyote?
Mom, looking around nervously: Ummm…ask your father, sweetie.
–F Train
Old woman talking to friend: All these kids care about nowadays is sex and drugs and good times.
20-something girl walking by: Hooray!
Old woman, yelling: Good luck! Good luck to you…see where that gets you! I'm seventy one and I haven't done drugs!
–Bedford Ave & N 7th St
Guy drinking wine: Coming to work wasted is frowned upon, but also lovingly embraced.
–Tartine, West Village
Fake bag hawker to woman in suit with briefcase: Can I get a job, miss? Are you hiring, miss?
–Canal St
Suit: When I die, don't go to my funeral, just go to work.
–33rd St &3rd Ave
Crazy girl on cell: All I know is that I need a really fucking good job with no fucking drug test.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Sam Fez
Weird guy to girl: I mean, I come home from work not feeling sexy at all. (subway car screeches) It's not exactly the most testosterone-filled job there is. (car screeches loudly again, then guy starts using hand motions) I have no idea how to get in the mood again!
–6 Train
Overheard by: fresca
Boss to peon: And grab Mary. (pause) Gently.
–Broadway
Elderly man to waiter: You know, that looks like 'shrooms.
Waiter: Sir, this is couscous.
–Broadway & 90th
Overheard by: GuyonaMac
Headline by: Bojo
Runners-Up:
· “All Of Us Have a Bad Experience with Rice-A-Roni” – the blue one
· “Bernie’s Attempts at Discreetly Finding a Drug Dealer Have Failed Yet Again” – RaeAn
· “It’s Not Easy Being Keith Richards’ Waiter” – I’ll have the mushroom soup
· “Well, Then You Clearly Got My Order Wrong.” – Timmy
· “Whatever, As Long As It Gets Me Where I Want to Go” – PeterG
Ghetto guy on cell: And then he asked me if he was gonna go to heaven and I said, "You ain't going to heaven, you are going to thug mansion!"
–125th St & Amsterdam
Thugette to thug: I killed him because he was bothering me.
–Broadway & 20th St
Overheard by: Robert G
Pretty thug in white polo (very loudly): Yo, I need to get a scale to weigh some drugs.
–Ditmars & 25th, Astoria
Thug to friend: You can't pull off the lumberjack look. You ain't the fuckin Brawny man!
–Jamba Juice, Times Square
Big thug on cell (angrily): All I'm saying is you'd *better* get your master's degree, or else!
–40th & 8th
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy #1: Getting old is not cool, man. I walked in on my mom in the shower once, it was gross…her boobs go down to her fucking knees.
Guy #2: No, they don't.
Guy #1: Yeah, what the fuck do you know?
(pause)
Guy #2: So, remember that party where she got drunk and smoked that salvia?
–14th St
Hobo to cashier: Hey, Mike, are you a junkie?
Cashier: No.
Hobo: Would you like to be?
–Love Saves the Day, 7th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Caelster
50-something man (picking up small box): Look at this! You could put your dope in this!
Wife: You wouldn't be able to fit very much dope in there…I could use it to hold my bitterness.
–Store, Crosby St
Well-dressed balding father: I could honestly care less.
Shaggy haired teen: You're my father! You're supposed to care if I'm failing out of school and doing drugs!
Well-dressed balding father: Nope, not interested.
Shaggy haired teen: You have to care! I can't believe this shit!
–Bleeker & Broadway
Greasy guy on cell: Yeah, there was this whole big to-do. They had all these little midgets running around–it was a whole Willy Wonka thing going on.
–42nd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Aren't They Called Little People?
Midget on mobile: Man, you don't know how tough it is, these little women are tough, they know what they want… Yeah, yeah… The are like tigers, they'll eat you up!
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: JT
Flyer guy: Comedy show, folks–we got midgets!
–Herald Square
Overheard by: BeccaGo
Guy: High-five if you like midgets and drugs!
–42nd & 7th
Overheard by: Shannon
Suit on cell: Yeah, yeah, we're gonna do it big for my birthday. No I'm thinking more like midget strippers…eh, I haven't decided what I want it to be. (pause) Oh yeah, sorry, not "it," "him" or "her." No, I think dwarfs have magical powers, that's the deal. Not racist, dwarfist maybe.
–Chinatown Bus
Overheard by: Evan
Drunk guy with group of friends: I'm sorry I hit you, I thought I was Irish and you were four feet tall.
–41st & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Glad I'm not short
