Wednesday, with a One-Liner Chaser

Female day-drinking tourist: Oh shit, I left my vodka in the church!

–Outside Trinity Church

Man on cell: If it's possible to ferment it, we have fermented it.

–7th St b/w 2nd & 3rd Ave

Middle-aged man to younger man: You know how cats and dogs–they eat and then they go? In one end and out the other. I'm like that. My bladder has room for the equivalent of one good cocktail.

–10th Ave and W 50th St

Overheard by: Ah….middle age

Commuter at 8 am: Beer. Beer.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: baconista

Old drunk walking into a liquor store, to clerk: Have you got my prescription?

–Broadway & 106th St

Overheard by: rickbruner

Posted on April 13, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Church, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Gay Man's Best Friend, Grand Central, Height, Man's Best Friend, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Questions, Store, Street, Stupidity, Tourism, Tourists, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Will Be Your Ashtray/ I Will Be Your Bidet

Drunk woman to boyfriend, coming out of a restaurant: Can I sit on your face and smoke?
Man: Sure, honey!

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: Kenny

Posted on March 6, 2021
Body Parts, Boyfriends, Drunks, Kink, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Smoking, Weirdness

Sadly, the G Train Community Never Fully Accepted Him Again

Hammered 20-year-old, screaming: Yo, I fucked my boss! Yo, I fucked my boss! You ever fuck your boss? [Points to friend] He had to fuck some fat chick and I got my dick sucked all night by my boss! Yo, and she’s, like, 30. [Starts humping pole] She was like, ‘Uhhh, Jim*, give it to me! Fuck me harder!’

He falls on the floor, rolling around with more manic laughter.

Friend: Yo, shut up. I gotta take this train when I’m sober.

–G train

Overheard by: Please don’t look

Posted on March 1, 2021
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, On the Subway, Sex

Who Knew Ruxpin Would Become a Basehead?

Drunk chick #1: Look, I have, like, fucking trackmarks. It’s like a hole!
Drunk chick #2: Oh my God! It looks like a teddy bear!

–W. 4th between 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Posted on February 20, 2021
Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, The Village

Wednesday One-liners

Drunk Guy: That girl’s tits are huge! And it’s snowing!

–Fordham

A man on a tandem bicycle turns to the woman on it and says: You know, it’s remarkable just how much like weddings funerals actually are.

–Varick Street

Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz

Posted on January 15, 2021
Death, Drunks, Girls, Manhattan, Marriage, People, Places, Private Parts, Rack, Soho, The Bronx, Topics, Weather

And He's on Antibiotics

Drunk girl #1: Call me tomorrow morning and tell me how you feel!
Drunk girl #2: I'll be just fine cuz I just made out with Travis.

–19th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: k

Posted on December 4, 2020
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Union Square and East Village

The Au Jus Of Wednesday One-Liners

11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It's like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices!

–Tompkins Square Park

Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit!

–90th St & 2nd Ave

Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I'm not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over)

–D Train

Overheard by: seat changer

Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck.

–W 23rd Street

Overheard by: Cool and Dry

Little girl: I don't like boys! They're mean and they sweat a lot!

–2nd & Ave A

Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I'm dripping cum!

–Hester & Allen

Overheard by: lower east side

Posted on November 18, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Body Parts, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Drunks, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Gripes, Hobos, Kids, On the Subway, One-liners, Rape, Retards & Handicaps, Sex, Smegma, Street, Sweat, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

I Also Love That

Aging rocker: I love you, baby face.
Drunk wife, endearingly: Fuck my tits.

–R Train

Overheard by: erak

Posted on October 23, 2020
Comebacks, Couples, Drunks, Love, On the Subway, Rack, Sex

And Look What Happened to Them.

Drunk white girl #1: African Americans smoked a lot of weed back in the day.
Drunk white girl #2: Yeah! That's why they're so strong and shit today. Weed is what made the blacks strong!
Drunk white girl #1: Oh… Did I say “African Americans”? I meant to say “American Indians.”
(both laugh)

–Outside Le Bar Bat, Hell's Kitchen

Posted on August 28, 2020
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Race, Stupidity, Weed, White People, Words

Welcome to the Wednesday One-Liner Positioning System

Girl on cell, looking for her friends: Can you see me? Look at the sun, I'm directly under it right now.

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Guy on cell: Yeah, we'll go now. Okay. Right now, I'm at 116 and Hamsterdam–Hamsterdam? What the fuck did I just say? Oh, wow, that is a disturbing mental image. Yeah, exactly. River full of hamsters. Okay, see ya.

–116th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: That would be truly terrifying.

Harlem woman on cell: Come find me! I'm on the downtown side of the street!

–East Side

Drunk guy on cell: Yo, I'm on the corner of fuckin' somethin' an somethin'.

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Drunk on cell: Where am I? Where am I? I'm at the corner of Charles Street and motherfucking I don't know!

–West Village

Woman to friends: Oh thank god! I feel so much safer now that we're at 7th Avenue.

–G Train