Hipster girl pointing to old guy with balloons: Those are the kind of balloons that I’m not afraid of.
Hipster guy: What, Mylar ones?
Hipster girl: Yeah. I’m just afraid of regular balloons, but not water balloons, so I guess I’m just afraid of the air.
–F train
Overheard by: tip, tipper, tippest
Man: Do you know what station this is going to?
Passenger #1: Crazy town!
Passenger #2: [Nods.]Man: [Backs away slowly.]
–Port Washington train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Matt
Tourist man: Honey, why don’t we just go back to the room?
Tourist woman: Okay. We’re all going to calm down. We’ve done everything we can do. The police report has been filed. We’re all going to forget. We’re going to take a deep breath, and we’re going to move on. A new trip, a new beginning. Our new objective is to simply maneuver from point A to point B without getting mugged.
–Outside Urban Outfitters, 72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Katie
Guy #1: Why is it even called ‘Fear Factor‘? It has nothing to do with fear… It’s just gross.
Guy #2: Yeah, really. It should be called ‘Gross-out Factor.’
Guy #1: Think about it. It’s not like people are scared of eating… like… intestines. It’s just gross. People aren’t like, ‘Ahhh, intestines!’
Guy #2: Yeah, it’s not like I wake up in a cold sweat to intestines…
–R train
Extremely large guy: Yo, I’m scared of clowns for reeeaaal.
–Court & Montague, Brooklyn
Mother to young child, after ghetto girl passes: No, honey, she’s not a clown. She just likes to dress that way.
–95th & Madison
Overheard by: Don Ricardo
Mother, watching a clown holding a briefcase walk onto the train: [to child] Look, honey, it’s a funny clown!… [to husband] Do you think he has a bomb in that briefcase?
–F train
Overheard by: and then i burst out laughing.
Reverse-Necrophiliac: I hate dead people. They have such attitude.
–Time Warner Center
Elderly bathroom attendant, finding a used tampon on the floor: Whoever did this, I hope she die! That shit is nasty! I hope her pooty fall out and she die!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Leah Beirne
Hefty guy: No, I will not take pictures of a dead body… Not if it only died for a few hours.
–Target, Queens Blvd
Overheard by: barbat
Co-Worker on phone: If you do die 25 years ago, you don’t die now!–52nd & 5th
Proselytizer: Listen! Listen to me! You must abstain! Abstinence is the only way! I tell you the truth–if you have sex, you will get pregnant, you will get an STD, and you will die!–125th StOverheard by: slightly intrigued
Woman: You’re born, yadda yadda yadda…You learn how to type. You get clarity. And then, ya die.
–24th & 7th
Overheard by: Dennis
Compassionate man on cell: The kid died from an overdose…[laughs] But the kid died from a drug overdose. So it’s not my fault.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Blonde: I hate hippies.
Brunette: Me too! My mom said in the ’60s, hippies were worse than homeless people!
Blonde: I used to be afraid of hippies as a kid. My mom used to threaten that I would get kidnapped by hippies if I was bad.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: matt
Bus driver: Attention, ladies and gentlemen, I have an idea: the next stop is going to be Las Vegas! Vegas, y’all! Get out those cell phones and start calling your husbands and wives. Tell ’em you won’t be home tonight. Vegas!
–M103 bus
Overheard by: Tina
Bus driver: Everyone, please move to the back of the bus…Come on, people. I’m speaking English here. Move to the back of the bus so these people can get on. There’s nothing wrong with the back of the bus. It’s not scary. There are no monsters back there. You won’t get hurt. So please move back.
–Q12 bus, Main Street, Flushing
Overheard by: Jo
Bus driver: This is Westchester Ave. Here you can transfer to the 9 and the…uh…I don’t even remember. Hey, you back there! You look like Charles Bronson! You ever heard that?…Whateva. You know you look like Charles Bronson. And the world needs another Charles Bronson.
–Bx40 bus, E Tremont Ave
Overheard by: vegannramember
Girl: I mean, I never want to get married. Like… never. But I really want babies. So I guess I’m just going to have a bastard.
–Marquet Cafe, 15 East 12th St
Overheard by: Grace
Blonde: You know what? I wish I was a bird.
Brunette: So you could fly far, far away?
Blonde: No, so I could sit on electrical fences and not get shocked.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Bay Jyington
