Old black hobo: Folks… Look inside your heart. I am hungry and I am homeless. Please help me with some food or something. Look inside your heart.
(young black teenager keeps waving a subway sandwich in his face while hobo continues to rant)
Old black hobo: Look inside your heart. I am so hungry. Just look inside your heart!
Young black teenager, real pissed off: Sucka, look inside this bag! There's a sandwich in here!
–1 Train
Pretty, straight girl: Ohmigod, this is delicious! Try it!
Gay guy at bar: Ohmigod, I hope I don't give you herpes!
Pretty, straight girl: I'll be so mad if you give me herpes.
–Alta Restaurant
Fashionista: Y'know, it was just one of those restaurants that served bone marrow, because, like, they should be serving bone marrow.
–Allen & Delancy
Overheard by: wba2101
Jersey mom in purple jumpsuit: Ah, I love this part of New York. In one block you have an Olive Garden and a TGI Friday's.
–Times Square
Girl: Johnny Rockets my ass! If I wanted to go to the 1960s I'd use a fucking time machine!
–8th St & Greene
Drunk guy, wisely: No, people who eat on trains can't afford Chipotle!
–Uptown A Train
20-something guy to sobbing 20-something girl: It's okay, there's a Burger King right around here.
–4th St & Ave B
Ghetto girl to group of friends: And I was just like "Oh my god! No, she didn't! Not with that nose!"
–C Train
Guy: You could fry an egg on her stomach.
–Union Square Green Market
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Indian cougar: I just like the feeling of a nice hard young male body.
–Bowery St
Overheard by: Dj bj
Woman showing pictures on camera: And this is da one where I'm givin' him da deaf eyes…
–West Village
Overheard by: Cass
Woman on cell: Never once have I opened my legs to anyone… besides you.
–Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Matt Martin
Teen to friend: They said it wouldn't be fair for me to fight her cause she ain't got no fingers.
–Outside Erasmus High School
Guy #1: Owwww! Fuck! Owwwwwwwww!
Guy #2: You won't get an ice cream headache if you drink it slower.
Guy #1: I'm trying, but it's too delicious!
–9th St. & 3rd Ave
Drunk guy #1: What the fuck's a “fillet of mig-non”? Like a dead fish or sumthin'?
Drunk guy #2: It's a dead cow, asshole, and cost more than you'll ever see in your life.
Drunk guy #1, under his breath: A fillet's a goddamn dead fish.
–Fort Green Park
Overheard by: Liliah
Drunk girl to hipster boyfriend: How come my hair always gets stuck in your mustache?!
Boy: I don't have a mustache.
Drunk girl: You know what I meant, boy! A beard! My hair always gets caught on it! Do you ever get food in there? Or coffee? Do you get a little sick if you sleep with a wet mustache? (pause) Oh, I'm just messing… (laughs at herself) but I hope you've been washing that thing with shampoo and conditioner every day!
–West Village
Girl #1, touching bamboo sculpture: Rose, how do you think they're gonna get this down?
Girl #2: I dunno, untie it?
Girl #1: But I mean… Are they gonna, like, move it to a warehouse or, like, incinerate it? That's super not ecologically sound.
Girl #2: Um…
Girl #1: Fuck! They should just put pandas up here. Like a shit-ton of pandas. One, pandas eat bamboo. B, it would get the job done fast and all that would be left is the rope. Three, the more pandas eat, the stronger they get; the stronger they get, the more they bone, and then they're less endangered. Four, it would be really cute on the news, and… Five? Dude, pandas!
Girl #2: Are you high?
Girl #1: I've just had a Riesen.
–Roof Garden, The Met
Nauseated Puerto Rican woman to sleepy Puerto Rican man: What if I was pregnant?
Sleepy Puerto Rican man: I am not prepared to answer that question. I'm focusing on what kind of muffin I'm going to get.
–R Train
Overheard by: The Best Answer I've Ever Heard!
20-something girl: Where do you want to go to dinner? How 'bout that Italian place on the Lower East Side? The one we went to when your parents were in town?
Tarty friend: Oh, no. We can't go there.
20-something girl: Why not?
Tarty friend: (stares at her intently)
20-something girl: Oh. Well, how bout that place we like in the West Village?
Tarty friend: Nope. Sorry.
20-something girl, exasperated: Hey, can you, like, stop sleeping with the waiters at all our favorite restaurants? I'd really like to be able to eat at these places again.
Tarty friend, sighing earnestly: I'll try.
–2 Train
Overheard by: doesn't know whether to be impressed or judgmental
