“Starving Children in Ethiopia Don't Even Have Wednesday One-Liners!”

NYU student to another: Spinach is like sex: if you were forced to have it as a child, you wouldn't enjoy it as an adult.

–University Place & 12th St

Hobo, pointing to deli sign: They want you to toss your own salad for $8.95.

–23rd and 3rd

Overheard by: Nicole Shipman

Suit shouting into cell: Eggplant! Eggplant! Jesus Christ, what is so fucking hard about eggplant?!

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Sunny

Subway preacher: I like vegetables! You gotta eat them so you can live. I like to put vegetables in my mouth. I like the way they taste!

–N Train

Guy to another: Take the pickle, because by god if someone else does and you don't get it, well, you'll be pickle-less and that's not ideal.

–125th St

Overheard by: Brian K.

Posted on October 13, 2010
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Education, Food, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Kids, Money & Class, On the Subway, Preachers, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Students, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Literally.

Bulimic girl #1: I heard of this cleansing diet with lemonade and cayenne pepper.
Bulimic girl #2: Yeah, it gets rid of all the shit in your body.

–Sushi Restaurant

Posted on October 9, 2010
Anorexic, Diet/Weight, Food, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Restaurants & Cafes

Just a Couple Of Dudes, Comparing Their Meat.

European: You guys are big on your breakfast.
American: Yeah, not really. Europeans really know how to do breakfast… We don't.
European: I guess. Like we have Polish sausage.

–Starbucks

Posted on October 1, 2010
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Food, Foreigners, Guys, Starbucks

Maybe He Doesn't Eat Carbs?

Old black hobo: Folks… Look inside your heart. I am hungry and I am homeless. Please help me with some food or something. Look inside your heart.
(young black teenager keeps waving a subway sandwich in his face while hobo continues to rant)
Old black hobo: Look inside your heart. I am so hungry. Just look inside your heart!
Young black teenager, real pissed off: Sucka, look inside this bag! There's a sandwich in here!

–1 Train

Posted on September 27, 2010
Anger Management, Black People, Food, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Old People, On the Subway, Panhandling, Teens

If Will & Grace Had Been a Cable Show.

Pretty, straight girl: Ohmigod, this is delicious! Try it!
Gay guy at bar: Ohmigod, I hope I don't give you herpes!
Pretty, straight girl: I'll be so mad if you give me herpes.

–Alta Restaurant

Posted on September 24, 2010
Fag Hags, Food, Girls, Queer guys, Restaurants & Cafes, STDs

Wednesday One-Diners

Fashionista: Y'know, it was just one of those restaurants that served bone marrow, because, like, they should be serving bone marrow.

–Allen & Delancy

Overheard by: wba2101

Jersey mom in purple jumpsuit: Ah, I love this part of New York. In one block you have an Olive Garden and a TGI Friday's.

–Times Square

Girl: Johnny Rockets my ass! If I wanted to go to the 1960s I'd use a fucking time machine!

–8th St & Greene

Drunk guy, wisely: No, people who eat on trains can't afford Chipotle!

–Uptown A Train

20-something guy to sobbing 20-something girl: It's okay, there's a Burger King right around here.

–4th St & Ave B

Posted on September 22, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, B & T, Crying, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Fashionistas, Food, Gadgets, Girls, Guys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lower East Side, Moms, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Street, Stupidity, Time, Times Square, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

You're No Body 'til Some Body Wednesday One-Liners You

Ghetto girl to group of friends: And I was just like "Oh my god! No, she didn't! Not with that nose!"

–C Train

Guy: You could fry an egg on her stomach.

–Union Square Green Market

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Indian cougar: I just like the feeling of a nice hard young male body.

–Bowery St

Overheard by: Dj bj

Woman showing pictures on camera: And this is da one where I'm givin' him da deaf eyes…

–West Village

Overheard by: Cass

Woman on cell: Never once have I opened my legs to anyone… besides you.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Matt Martin

Teen to friend: They said it wouldn't be fair for me to fight her cause she ain't got no fingers.

–Outside Erasmus High School

Posted on September 15, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Fast Times at New York High, Food, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, India Indians, Lower East Side, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pictures, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

God Has Played a Cold Joke on Us All.

Guy #1: Owwww! Fuck! Owwwwwwwww!
Guy #2: You won't get an ice cream headache if you drink it slower.
Guy #1: I'm trying, but it's too delicious!

–9th St. & 3rd Ave

Posted on August 30, 2010
Advice, Food, Guys, Health and Hygiene, The Village

Actually, It's at Least Twelve Different Things.

Drunk guy #1: What the fuck's a “fillet of mig-non”? Like a dead fish or sumthin'?
Drunk guy #2: It's a dead cow, asshole, and cost more than you'll ever see in your life.
Drunk guy #1, under his breath: A fillet's a goddamn dead fish.

–Fort Green Park

Overheard by: Liliah

Posted on August 22, 2010
Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Insults, Money & Class

You Never Complain About My Mustache When You're Riding It

Drunk girl to hipster boyfriend: How come my hair always gets stuck in your mustache?!
Boy: I don't have a mustache.
Drunk girl: You know what I meant, boy! A beard! My hair always gets caught on it! Do you ever get food in there? Or coffee? Do you get a little sick if you sleep with a wet mustache? (pause) Oh, I'm just messing… (laughs at herself) but I hope you've been washing that thing with shampoo and conditioner every day!

–West Village

Posted on August 21, 2010
Boyfriends, Cleanliness, Coffee, Drunks, Food, Girls, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Physical appearance, Questions, West Village, Wishes & desires

Food

Maybe He Doesn't Eat Carbs?

Actually, It's at Least Twelve Different Things.