Blind date boy: So how long was your ex on the job?
Blind date girl: Well, he’s been a cop for three years, but he still lives with his parents because of how little cops get paid.
Blind date boy: Cops get paid shit in the beginning.
Blind date girl: Well, he was making a lot more before, you know…
Blind date boy: Oh yeah, being a drug dealer.
–Austin St & 72nd Ave, Queens
Daughter: Dad, where are we getting off?
Father: Um…42nd Street…Times Square…Grand Central Parkway…something like that.
Daughter: 142nd street?
Father: Yeah, something like that.
(doors open for Penn Station)
Mother: I think we should get off here.
Father and daughter: Yeah.
–Uptown 2 Train
Chick #1: She yelled at me again!
Chick #2: What did you do?
Chick #1: Nothing. I swear, that woman has a vendetta against me. I must look like somebody her husband is sleeping with.
–Brooklyn Brewery
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Man, after bumping into girl: Sorry.
Girl: Sorry.
Man: Actually, I’m not sorry, that was fun!
–Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: sternie
Drunk NYU dude: You guys know that loose skin around your shaft or whatever? Push it over the tip of your dick. It feels like you have three balls. Three balls! Fucking sweet!
–NYU
Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual
Dude: I swear to god dude, I can feel my balls moving from side to side today!
–5th Ave
Hipster girl: Balls have no place in my mouth. Gum, chicken, or any other kind.
–F Train
Overheard by: Teabag
Loud fat black chick : I wanna kiss the balls of the person who made these cookies.
–Broadway
Overheard by: sounds yummy
Meathead on cell: I got some good shit for you for the gym. Shoot this shit in your ass three times a week and you'll look like The Incredible Hulk in no time… I can't believe you're doing all this stuff to impress your wife. We'll see how impressed she is when you don't have any balls anymore because you're on steroids. Who knows, maybe she'll start fucking me instead.
–48th & 8th
Overheard by: vicky
Guy on phone: I know classical music well enough to know that Vivaldi had no balls.
–42nd St & 10th Ave
Trendy girl #1: So, I’m fairly sure I was roofied this weekend.
Trendy girl #2: (mildly interested) Oh?
Trendy girl #1: Yeah, but he was tall, rich and handsome, so I guess it could be worse, right?
(trendy girl #2 nods and shrugs)
–Midtown Office Elevator
Tall 30-something: With my corporate job, I couldn't afford a studio at $1,850 per month, so then I became a dominatrix. But after a while, it takes over your life. You end up thinking "Well, I don't have anyone to beat up today, I'll just online shop." So I had to stop."
–54th St & 10th Ave, in Line for The Daily Show
Man on phone: Oh…but I thought you said to leave $500 for you to pick up. (pause) I'm sorry mistress…I'm sorry mistress.
–Broome b/w Mercer & Greene
Guy on cell in line for NJ transit bus: Call me daddy. Call me daddy! Now slap that ass. I can't hear that, slap that ass harder! Yeah, that's what I like.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Eric
Woman on cell: I'm going to spank you. Can I do that?
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: shelallie
Enthusiastic guy to friends: I probably could've whipped better today.
–Midtown
Overheard by: Eric
Six-year-old girl to little boys wrestling: Guys, why don't you to it to me? …cuz I don't care. My stomach hurts already. Guys, why don't you push me down? Because I like it!
–Central Park
Overheard by: nosey nafia
Girl: Can I have that one, please?
Donut Wagon Man: Sure, here you go. That’s the Michael Jackson.
Girl: No, I wanted this other one.
Donut Wagon Man: Oh, that’s the Janet.
–West Houston and Varick
Drunk hipster girl: If I was to drop dead in the middle of that party, all those frat boys would fuck my corpse.
Friend: Word.
–78th & Madison
Irritated girl, yelling at boy: No, no, no, no!
Old man, pointing at boy: No!
–78th St & West End
Overheard by: Husky Gregg
