Girls

Wednesday One-Liners Go Chasing Waterfalls

Guy in line for the bathroom: Man, it takes a lot of trust to let someone piss through your legs.

–Angelika Theater

Girl: If I had a barbecue on my stoop, three queens would pee on it on the first night. I mean, you'd think they wouldn't, since it's a historically gay street. But I've seen so many queens peeing on Christopher Street when it's nice out!

–28th & 5th

Overheard by: Donk

Really drunk girl: I have to pee so bad! I almost peed on the corner, but then I remembered I don't have a penis.

–14th St

NYU girl, immediately after taking shot of tequila: Guys, I have to pee, but I don't want to pee out the patron!

–NYU Dorm

NYU girl: I'm going to go see her! I sobered up for this! I drank tons of water! I could pee my ass out!

–8th & University

Short cop on his phone: Peed? You peed on the bed?

–21st St b/w 3rd & 2nd

What's Your Clitoris Like?

Teenage girl #1: Yeah, it's too small to be seen easily, but it still scatters light beams.
Teenage girl #2: Well, that's a relief!

–Union Square

Talk About Rebuilding Downtown

Punk boy: Which way is Delancey Street?
Stoop guy: That’s Delancey.
Punk girl: Well, they must have moved it then.

–Essex between Delancey & Rivington

That’s What They’re Calling Anal Now

Girl #1: I love a little ethnicity…in the penis!
Girl #2: Totally, I heart the foreigners. The best I’ve ever had was a Frenchie.
Drunk guy: What? Hold on. You fucked a scrunchie?

–Houston & A

These Wednesday One-Liners Have Wings

Queer, as someone is trying to push through the crowd: Throw menstrual blood at him! That’s the one thing girls can do to get back at guys! Throw menstrual blood at him!

–Roseland Ballroom

Dad to pre-teen daughter about mom: She is on the rag today. Don’t talk to her this moringing, she’s got an attitude.

–R Train

Girl: I have sexed my period away too!

–Bowery

Businesswoman: So yeah, it still really hurts. I guess it’s cause I got my period last night… [Sees a disgusted look on a male suit’s face.] Blood! Blood! Raaar!

–Wall Street

Overheard by: Withnail

As Close As Two New Yorkers Can Get, I Suppose

Girl #1: So you know how New York buses have two doors, a front and a back? Well, I was running to catch the bus this morning and I got up to the back door and the bus drove away.
Girl #2: Harsh.
Girl #1: I couldn't believe it. And it was the same driver I ride with every morning. I thought we were close.
Girl #2: Apparently not.

–Broadway & 44th

Overheard Editors: “We're Just the Messengers.”

Filipino queer: N'est pas moi!
Chick: Wait, what'd you say?
Filipino queer: “N'est pas moi,” it's French for “it's not me.” Want me to say it in Filipino? Click click click.

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Chuckles

Teabagging Will Be an Event in the 2008 Olympics

Guy looking like Steven Wozniak circa 1980s: Look at the size of this tea bag compared to the size of my cup.
Homely little house on the prairie girl: I swear my great aunt has the biggest tea bags known to man. You can soak those things for hours and they still won’t shrivel.

–Perch Diner

Overheard by: brandon the short texan tourist

Since You Treat Him Like Shit

Girl #1: On Facebook, there's this girl that Matt went to a concert with over the summer, and she keeps poking him.
Girl #2: Ew! Okay, I'd be worried about that if I were you.

–Elevator, Barnard College

Like Becoming Disenchanted with Both Sexes

Chick #1: Wait, you like pussy?
Chick #2: Well…
Chick #1, yelling: You like pussy! That’s amazing! This opens up so many options!

–Madison & Rutgers

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