Girls

It's Enough to Have an Albanian Boyfriend Who Beats Me

20-something girl #1, running into friend: Oh hey!! How are you?
20-something girl #2: Doing so well! It's nice to see you…
(they catch up, and five minutes later)
20-something girl #1, changing the subject without warning: Yeah, I know a lot of Johns.
20-something girl #2, shocked: Oh. Hah… damn, girl! It has been a while. What've you been up to that you know a bunch of Johns?
20-something girl #1, after confused pause: Oh… Oh! I mean I know a lot of people named John. I don't… Well… Yeah. I don't do that.
20-something girl #2, laughing: Oh, good! Girl, I was gonna say, “Well, she used to be kind of a slut, but straight-up prostitution is a little out of character.”
20-something girl #1, laughing: I know, right?

–6 Train

Overheard by: …Did you miss that she just called you a slut?

Well You're Flat-Chested, but Did I Point That Out??

Stranger to six-year-old girl who is one dollar short when paying: Hey there, sweetheart! I will pay that last dollar for you. Don't you worry.
Girl: No! You are fat!

–Dylan's Candy Bar

Overheard by: Acrown

The Modern-Day Equivalent Of the Bell Tolling

Girl #1: Michael Jackson is dead? Really?
Girl #2: Yeah, we read it on TMZ. They're usually pretty good about knowing when people are dead.

–The Mill

I Hear It’s a Great Place to Start a Relationship, Though

NYU girl #1: Oh my god, could you imagine living in that apartment building with no windows?
NYU girl #2: Honey, no.

–Outside Manhattan Detention Center, Centre St

Here Comes One Now

Girl: You left me for two hours!
Hot gay guy: You left me for one hour!
Girl: I had an errand to run! You did not!
Hot gay guy: My organism is an errand!
Girl: Do normal people do this? When I'm bored, I read or do something constructive.
Hot gay guy: When I'm bored, I have an orgasm.

–9th & Ave C

I'm Not Even in Heat

Man running by with dog to teenage girl: Woof!
Teenage girl to friend: He better have been talking to the dog.

–Central Park

Rock, Dude. He'd Fucking Rock.

New wave boy: You're like Lou Reed with a vagina.
New wave girl: Since when did he not have one?
Random stoner friend: Hey, do you want to get Indian food!?
New wave girl: What would Lou Reed do?

–2nd Ave &14th

Overheard by: Mischa

Think We Should Trade Pills?

Dramatic chick: You're crazy!
Calm guy: No. That's the problem. You're not crazy.

–4 Train

That’s Why She Got the Job As a DoD Intelligence Analyst

Girl #1: Why don’t you know these things?
Girl #2: Because I don’t read.

–123rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Fatty McFingers

Hugs, Not Wednesday One-Liners

20-something to friend: If I didn't do so many drugs, I could probably afford to go skiing and shit like that.

–Williamsburg

Art school student: If I can stop doing heroin, I can do anything!

–Outside School of Visual Arts

Tourist guy to tourist friends: Yeah, I remember when he went to school on shrooms, and then he went to the principal and told him that he was on shrooms.

–40th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Bones Jones

Father to daughter: Don't say "no" to drugs. Say "no, thank you."

–45th St & 5th Ave

Blonde Catholic schoolgirl: Maybe after we pop the E we'll roll over to 149th Street.

–Q88 Bus

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