The Real World: Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: That's why I moved to Brooklyn: I hate people!

–Carrol Gardens

Overheard by: Smegma

Man on cell: No, no, no! You go to Brooklyn and suck that sweet white dick for free!

–35th & 8th

Brooklyn guy to date: I would walk all over Brooklyn for you! I would even walk all over Queens for you, you're so sweet!

–Tonio's Restaurant, 7th & 8th, Park Slope

Overheard by: D-Law

Train conductor: Because of a sick passenger at Clark Street, some of us may not be making it to Brooklyn…I'll let you know.

–Downtown 3 Train

Overheard by: D-Law

Conductor: This is York Street, the first stop in beautiful Brooklyn…yay!

–F Train

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Dating, Directions, Free stuff!, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Love, Men, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Passengers, Penis, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Real

Girl sleeping in art class: Tony the Tiger, I wish you were real.

–LaGuardia Arts

Thug to friend: Yo, man, Tourette's is real! They've got it on MTV and everything!

–LIRR

Ditzy-sounding chick on cell: Should I buy some heart-shaped sunglasses? (pause) Why not? (pause) Should I buy some sunglasses that look like real glasses to make me look smart? (pause) Shut the hell up!

–St. Mark's Place

Guy at party: So then I said, "it takes a real man to take a nine inch cock in the ass!"

–13th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: kdub

Young woman, yelling at a bus stop ad for Bret Michael's New Rock of Love: Just stop it! You're not even a real person!

–42nd b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Couldn't agree more

Posted on February 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, College, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Height, Illness, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Nor Can You Smoke Underwater

Smoking girl: I dreamed I was a mermaid. Then I woke up, and I was a mermaid.
Girl's friend: But you can't swim!

–H&M, Penn Station

Posted on February 17, 2009
Dreams, Friends, Girls, Penn Station, Store, Weirdness

I Had Flashbacks to the Last Eight Years

Girl #1: And when that guy jumps out with the saw…that movie was so scary!
Girl #2: Yeah. It was politically scary.

–Columbia University

Posted on February 17, 2009
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Fears, Film, Girls, Politics

Watch Me Pull a Rabbit Out Of It!

Guy to friend: Hey, did you notice that after every time you got on this (points to self) you end up with a boyfriend?
Girl: What? Oh man, you're right! It's like you have a magic pee-pee!
Guy: Yeah.

–Penn Station

Posted on February 17, 2009
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Compliments, Friends, Girls, Guys, Magic, Penn Station, Relationships

We Blame Woody Allen for Popularizing the Chronic Misuse Of “Nauseous”

20-something artsy hipster girl #1: I am just nauseous trying to process the brilliance of his art. I can't even process it yet.
20-something artsy hipster girl #2: Oh, I totally know what you mean.

–James Jean Show, Chelsea

Posted on February 16, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Girls, Hipsters, Stupidity, Visual Art

And the One Written in Pictographs Took Up an Entire Subway Car

Girl on A train: Why are all the signs advertising English language courses written in English?
Brother in a white hat: So people can read it, stupid!

–A Train

Overheard by: Closely Watching on the A Train

Posted on February 13, 2009
Brothers, Girls, Insults, Language Barrier, Languages, On the Subway, Questions

As in “Puttin' On the Fritz”?

Hipster chick #1: Yeah, my cell phone was on the…uh…skitz?
Hipster chick #2: “Skitz”?
Hipster chick #1: Maybe not. “Skitz” is like the streaks left in the toilet after you take a shit.
Hipster chick #2: You meant “on the Fritz”

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: The Katie