Wednesday One-Liners Are One Baaaad Mother– Shut Yo' Mouth!

Cute JAP talking about all the stuff she gets: I don't need a man, I have my mom.

–Rare View Bar

Overheard by: white guy

Blonde girl to male friend: Listen, John. Fifteen minutes, your mom. Fifteen minutes, your mom.

–R Train

Annoying 40-something new mom: A good mom always has a diaper in her pocket!

–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th

Overheard by: I Am McLovey

Coworker: I got a bootleg mother.

–Midtown

Window-shopping tourist to wife: Look, honey! It's the dress your mother wore when they buried her!

–Union Square

Overheard by: CJ

Guy: I go over to the house for Mother's Day and she yells at me for not calling her for Mother's Day like my brother did. So I go outside and call her from my cell and say "happy Mother's Day!" and she yells at me for being an idiot.

–37th & 7th

Posted on May 31, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Bars & Clubs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Coworkers, Death, Girls, Guys, Insults, JAPs, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Parents, Store, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Name The Punchline

Girl: I’m, like, the token one. I’m the only lesbo there!

–West 4th and 6th Ave

Overheard by: Jamie

Posted on May 30, 2021
Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Lesbians, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

The Secret Is to Keep the Volume Down

Girl: What do you think he would do if I pushed his cart over?
Hobo: Bitch, I don’t care if you’re a girl, I’ll beat your ass.

–Carroll St & 7th Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on May 29, 2021
Brooklyn, Fighting and ass kicking, Girls, Hobos, Homeless

Panda Bears Go Through This on a Daily Basis

Girl #1: I can’t go out with him. He’s fat.
Girl #2: So are you.
Girl #1: Really? Oh… yeah.

–Applebee’s, Times Square

Overheard by: eee!

Posted on May 28, 2021
Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Default, Diet/Weight, Girls, Restaurants & Cafes, Times Square

Her Eggs Are Full of Cheese

Girl #1: There’s no way I could get that guy. He is absolutely gorgeous!
Girl #2: What do you think you are? An omelette?

–Office, Broadway & 52nd

Overheard by: theallegedother

Posted on May 25, 2021
Girls, Gripes, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

What Not to Wednesday One-Liner

Hipster girl: Look, just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean you have to dress like a fifth grader.

–Union Pool, Brooklyn

Vain fag, looking at pants: I really love these shorts, I hope they’re *in* this summer…

–LIRR

Guy wearing bright green leather clogs: No, I’d never wear crocs. They’re ugly.

–Forest Hills Gardens, Queens

Overheard by: Aloof Loner

Goth girl: Let’s buy fur coats and throw paint on ourselves.

–Bloomingdale’s

Disembodied voice: Yo, these are mom jeans. I hate that shit! The waist goes all the way up to your stomach and then it makes a little V-neck pouch for your vagina. I hate that shit!

–Fitting Rooms, Gap in Herald Square

Overheard by: Zarya

[Waiting in line for the washroom.]Lady, bawling her eyes out: Sorry, I ordered this jacket, and it’s two sizes too big!

–Macy’s

Overheard by: Tracy