Are Wednesday One-Liners Funny Ha-Ha, or Funny-Peculiar?

Guy eating pancakes: Everything's funny in retrospect, like the time I got that screwdriver stuck in my eye.

–IHOP, Brooklyn

Ancient Greek civilization professor: A sexual act, in some sense, for an observer is funny.

–Hunter College

Crazy lady: All the prostitutes need to be rounded up and stuck in churches! (teen girl laughs) You think that's funny? It's not gonna be funny when you are in a hospital addicted to crack!

–Water St & Broad St

Girl to her friend: Wouldn't it be funny if human beings could only walk forward and backwards?

–8th St & 2nd Ave

Lady sitting with girlfriends: It's funny because I'm pregnant, and he doesn't know.

–Starbucks

Drunken Jets fan to friends in Jets jerseys: That's not funny. You want to see something funny? (grabs wooden signpost, slams forehead into it) That's funny!

–W 4th & Barrow

Overheard by: jira monkey

Posted on July 19, 2021
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Church, Crazies, Drunks, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prostitution, Sex, Starbucks, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

“…because you’re always juggling mine.”

Chick: I think the angel is an appropriate icon for me.
Guy: I think ben-wa balls may have been more appropriate.

–1 train

Overheard by: djlindee

Posted on July 16, 2021
Advice, Christianity, Comebacks, Girls, Guys, On the Subway

It’s a Great Party Trick

Girl: Oh! Did I tell you? Karen* had an orgasm from anal!
Queer: You guys can can do that too?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Sean, not queer but not straight

Posted on July 14, 2021
Backdoor, Central Park, Default, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Orgasm, Queer guys, Questions

I Bet She Had Some ‘Splaining to Do

Columbia guy: So then Caroline* decided to take all of his valuables and hide them in the back room, to make it look like he’d been robbed. When he came home he, like, *freaked out* and called 911.
Columbia chick: That’s hilarious!

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ein Ladle

Headline by: Mikey G.

Runners-Up:
· “And After He Killed Her, He Pretended to Do CPR!” – JesusFreak
· “And She Didn’t Check the Psycho Box on Match.com” – digruntled internet dater
· “He Didn’t Like His Anal Rape-Themed Surprise Birthday Party Either…” – Beartram
· “I Bet the “Just Kidding Your Place Wasn’t Robbed Sex” Was Awesome, Too.” – anonmouse
· “Turns Out There’s No Spot For “Masculinity” on Insurance Claim Forms” – Jamie

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on July 7, 2021
Crime and Punishment, Default, Fakes, Girls, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, Relationships, Students, Weirdness

Perfect for “Arctic Hysteria: New Art from Finland”

Girl: If we don't get there soon, my uterus is going to fall out.
Boy: If it does, you could frame it and give it to PS1 at the MoMA.

–59th St & 3rd Ave

Posted on July 5, 2021
Arts & Letters, Body Parts, Boys, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Weirdness

…But I Know That an Apple a Day Brings the Doctor to You.

Girl #1: If Rome was built in a day, I can definitely build a website in one day also…
Girl #2: The saying is “Rome wasn't built in a day.”
Girl #1: Are you sure? That kinda ruins my logic.

–NYU

Posted on July 1, 2021
Girls, History & Geography, Internet, NYU, Philosophy, Stupidity, Time

I Forgot You Have to Chop the Person Up First

Chick: Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?
Dude: Yeah, you tried to pack me in a suitcase once.
Chick: Oh, yeah! And you wouldn’t get in!
Dude: Yeah.
Chick: Yeah…

Chick erupts with nervous laughter.

–Uptown 6 train

Overheard by: kelsey

Posted on June 27, 2021
Crime and Punishment, Girls, Guys, Kink, On the Subway

Wednesday One-Liners You Can Dance to

Dude: He’s the black, blind Motown equivalent of Kenny G.

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl, while leaving screening of "I am legend": Okay… I cannot believe the woman did not know Bob Marley! I mean, that had to be the most unrealistic thing in that entire film.

–Fresh Meadows, Queens

Overheard by: hmmm…

Curly-haired chick: Has New Order become an okay kinky sex background band? Am I *old*?

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Poogins

Guy, standing next to guy listening to Journey on his iPod: Get away from me! Just get the fuck away from me!

–2 Train

Dumb girl dressed like Scary Spice en route to the concert: Yeah, a lot of people think that the Spice Girls like, reinstated feminism.

–NJ Transit

Yale grad: Eminem has a wonderful sense of meter.

–Court St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: Justin Casement

Queer: We only stayed for 15 minutes, I’m not that into karaoke. And when a coven of lesbians start casting their spells to "My Sharona", I was outta there."

–Chambers & Greenwich

Overheard by: Grand Witch Muffy

Posted on June 23, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Disabilities, Ew, Jersey, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Insults, Kink, Movies, Music, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Philosophy, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Singing, Street, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

…In the 1800s

Girl: Oh my god, I just found out that my high school drama teacher has been sleeping with the kid who's the star in all of the shows.
Boy: Shit!
Girl: Yeah, I heard they're both in jail now or something.
Boy: That's like the time that family in my town had those slaves.

–Crowded Elevator, NYU

Overheard by: confused

Posted on June 20, 2021
Boys, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Education, Elevators, Girls, NYU, Prison, School and studying, Sex, Theater & Dance, Weirdness