Keep Your Wednesday One-Liner in Your Pants, Dude

Preppy guy: This may be the last thing I say with my penis attached, but…

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Hunter

Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his penis is really important here, if his is better I'll take him!

–26th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: your mom

Asian guy: Everyone else was on the floor. Everyone had a penis in their face.

–D Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: All I'm saying is: don't jump on the first penis that comes along!

–Broadway

Boss, about weightlifting: My genitals were so inverted I used to crap my penis.

–5th Ave

Teacher: There are about six euphemisms for "penis" in the first scene!

–Junior High School

Overheard by: gabygrillz

Posted on October 26, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Bosses, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Fitness, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Penis, Poop, Preppies, Private Parts, Promiscuity, S&M, School and studying, Street, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

“Don't Hate Me Because I'm Wednesday One-Liner”

Hobo to female passerby (singing): Pretty woman, walking down the street/Pretty woman, eating a hamburger…

–Wendy's, Union Square

Overheard by: Hungry Bystander

Salesgirl to another: You look pretty today…for a little Filipino girl.

–American Eagle, SoHo

Overheard by: Holly

Loud hobo walking through crowded train: Lots of beautiful ladies on this train. Beautiful white ladies. Beautiful black ladies. I like her hat. (turns to one shy-looking girl) Do you wear makeup? You shouldn't. You don't need it, you are so beautiful. If you have any makeup, just throw it away. Or send it to my girl, cuz she is ugly.

–Downtown 4 Train

50-something woman to pretty 20-something girl: I just wanted you to know that our husbands over there think you are one of the most beautiful girls they have ever seen. So now our husbands are going to have sex with my friend and I tonight. They may be thinking of you during, but thanks to you I am going to have an orgasm tonight, so thank you for being so gorgeous.

–Boat Basin Cafe

Overheard by: Megan W.

Guy on iPhone: You think because you're pretty you can get away with that shit. Well, you're wrong! You can get away with that shit because you're rich!

–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave

Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/

Posted on October 22, 2019
9 to 5-ers, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Coworkers, Duane Reade, Gender issues, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Makeup, Marriage, Money & Class, Music, On Cell, On the Subway, Orgasm, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Singing, Soho, Store, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

They’re Well Past Her at “Almost Pretty”

Almost pretty girl #1: Wow, I look just like Paris Hilton.
Almost pretty girl #2: You wish you looked like Paris Hilton.
Almost pretty girl #1: I do, actually.

–N train

Posted on October 18, 2019
About Celebrities, Beauty, Girls, On the Subway

Mom Warned Me About Lepers

Girl #1: So, I looked down and it was like two feet long.
Girl #2: Wow.
Girl #1: Ya. But then it fell off.
Girl #2: Oh. Sounds like you had a rough night.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Millie

Posted on October 15, 2019
Girls, Height, On the Subway, Penis

What Is Art? Are We Art? Are Wednesday One-Liners Art?

Older gay guy on cell: In the 60s, you didn't need to have passion or talent to be an artist; you just needed to have a van, because no one else was going to haul your shitty art around.

–7th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Miss C

Girl reading sign at Frank Lloyd Wright museum: Oh… He was an architect!

–Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: Antartic

Mom to little girl: If you look at too much art in one day, you'll turn into a statue.

–MoMA

Guy on phone: Yeah, she said she didn't think I would want to go, but why the fuck not? I'll go to a fucking museum if I fucking want to. I'll look at some paintings and shit.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mark McLaughlin

12-year-old boy, looking at Picasso paintings: This is totally my thing, man, it's like free porn.

–MoMA

Posted on October 13, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Free stuff!, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Magic, MoMA, Moms, More museums, Old People, On Cell, Parents, Porn, Queer guys, Threats, Tweens, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Don’t Even Try a Body Shot With Them

Girl one: I hate going to a bar with pregnant girls, it’s so boring.
Girl two: Yeah.
Gorl one: It’s even worse when you go with pregnant girls that drink.

–Rockefeller Center

Posted on October 8, 2019
Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Gripes, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Rockefeller Center

Wednesday One-Litters

Little girl to mother: I don't wanna be a lawyer anymore, when I grow up I wanna be a cat!

–Chelsea

Woman to friend: I mean, he's just so anti-social! He has like 19 cats!

–Lafayette & Prince

Girl to friend: My cat is a flaming homosexual.

–34th & 5th

Girl: And so she says, "let's follow the cat!" So we do, and the cat leads us to a pile of heroin!

–Cafeteria, Barnard College

Posted on October 5, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Heroin, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Soho, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Frases De Miercoles

Young guy on cell: You're lucky I'm Colombian. If I was Ecuadorian, I'd be slapping you!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Jobee

Angry man walking alone, to himself: I could have married a Dominican, but no, I decided not to!

–Mercer & Broome

Teen girl to friend: Your new Mexican is super creepy.

–On Line for the Colbert Report, Hell's Kitchen

Guy on cell: No, no, man, she's Puerto Rican. I'm just sayin' she's Dominican 'cause it sounds hotter.

–105 St & Lexington

Thug holding box of maxi pads: Yo, that motherfucker is like the gay Mexican Marlon Brando. Classic…

–CVS

Overheard by: Karen

Posted on October 3, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Manhattan, Marriage, Queens, Race, Soho, Store, Thugs

Tonight's Lesson: Making Long Island Iced Teas

Aunt: Do you know what you are being?
Child: Yeah.
Aunt: Does it start with a b?
Child: Maybe.
Aunt: Your father calls me that all the time, you can say it…I give you permission.
Child: No.
Aunt: Is it a female dog?
Child: Yeah.
Aunt: Come, tell me…is it “bitch?”
Child: Yeah, I'm a being a bitch.

–Isabella's, 81st St

Overheard by: Gerald T Reiner Jr.

Posted on September 29, 2019
Animals & Nature, Default, Family Ties, Gender issues, Girls, Insults, Kids, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women, Words

“I can’t talk about this anymore. My brain is shot.”

Guy: Well, William can be Bill, Robert can be Bob, and John can be Jack.
Girl: John can be Jack?
Guy: Yeah, you know, like sometimes John Kennedy was called Jack Kennedy.
Girl: Then why did they call him Robert?

–Diner, 22nd & 3rd

Posted on September 25, 2019
Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Idiots, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, Politics, Stupidity, Talking/Convos

Girls