Girls

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day.

–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn

Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.

–Henri Bendel

Overheard by: Stephan Dion

Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.

–Fashion Institute of Technology

Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: ednapontellier

Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.

–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place

Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?

–Broadway & 50th St

Overheard by: Peter

Unless Cocaine and Penises Count

Chubby girl: I need to lose some weight before I go on vacation. What did you eat when you went on your three-day diet?
Anorexic girl: Uh…I didn't.

–Union Square

…Molded to Look Like a Banana.

Guy drinking beer at 7 am, yelling: Hey! Is that a fried banana? Is that a fried banana?!
Girl, eating: No.
Guy: Oh, it's just a regular banana?
Girl: It's a cinnamon bun.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Samantha Chalek

Coincidentally, He Doesn’t Consider It Cheating When It’s with a Guy

Girl #1: Are you gonna tell him?
Girl #2: Well, I don’t consider it cheating when it’s with a girl… so no.

–23rd & 7th

Overheard by: vaduz

You're Going to Have to Be More Specific

Girl #1: Fergus's apartment is down there. Have you ever seen it?
Girl #2: I have. Actually, I did ecstasy in that apartment once. Wait, you were there! We ate ostrich. You rolled around on the carpet.

–Lexington & 51st St

Catholic Schoolgirls Certainly Are

Girl #1: I used to wear a cross, but then one time somebody was like, “you cant wear a cross–you drink!
Girl #2: Did you tell them that Jesus drank?
Girl #1: I should have! Jesus was so down to party!
Girl #2: Bitch, if you turn water into wine, you are the party.

–Fordham University

The Goy Scouts of America Could Not Be Reached for Comment

New Yorker guy: You know that summer camp I went to? My friend is now the head of it and I’m going to help him out next month.
Girl, laughing: Awww, you’re going to teach the kiddies how to canoe and tie slip knots?
New Yorker guy: No, I’m gonna teach them about the Holocaust.
Girl (laughs then pauses): Wow, that is not what we did at Girl Scout camp in Wisconsin.

–6th Ave & 19th St

Might Want to Ditch the “Westchester” Sweatshirts, Too

Girl #1: We're waiting for a friend and then we're going to take the train home.
Guy: Oh, where do you live?
Girl #1: Westchester.
Girl #2: Dammit *Britney*, stop telling people that!

–49th b/w 8th & 9th

Big Girls: Yeah, Hope You Enjoy Lunching on Your Own Spit

Skinny girl #1: Do you know bridal salons only carry dresses in small sizes, so bigger girls have to, I don’t know, close their eyes and imagine what the dress would look like if it could zip?
Skinny girl #2: Seriously?
Skinny girl #1: Some day somebody’s going to come out with a design line for fat girls, and they’re going to make a killing.
Skinny girl #2: Bridal Barn.

–Century 21, Financial District

But at Least I’m Not a Slave to the Mass Advertising Apparatus

Chick #1: I need to buy some makeup!
Chick #2: Why?
Chick #1: I looked at myself yesterday and realized I am ugly.

–Sephora, SoHo

Overheard by: p.lo

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