Wednesday One-Liners: More Than Just a Hippie Musical

Thug to friends: Yo, it’s not like I’m gay! Just… the kid had some nice hair!

–Ave M, Q train stop

Overheard by: LoRna

Teen boy: Yo, near the pubic hair, son… That shit is phat!

–Southern Blvd, Bronx

Overheard by: E.J.

Seven-year-old blonde to friend: … And if you get it in your hair, you lose all your points!

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: SELENA

Asian 30-something on cell: Well, he doesn’t have any hair, so he better be good-looking.

–13th & 6th

Chick on cell: Masochistic hair to go with a masochistic gal. Aw!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Subway performer, finishing barbershop-quartet style song: We’d like to wish you all a beautiful afternoon. If any of you happen to run into Condoleezza Rice, please tell her we’ve got a sista in Harlem waitin’ to do her hair.

–R train

Overheard by: Marisa

Posted on March 12, 2008
Asians, Body Parts, Boys, Columbia (& Barnard), Compliments, Default, Girls, Gripes, Hair, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Psychology, Sexuality, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, The Bronx, Thugs, Washington Square Park, West Village

Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”

Drunk woman: I won’t sleep with people when I’m drunk. I’m not like that. I get drunk and I punch people in the face… I’m totally against infidelity. I can’t deal with that. I mean, I’ve been caught cheating lots of times, and it totally sucks.

–44th & 8th

Overheard by: Caitlin

Guy: So, he’s pissed off because he’s dating this fucking hot stripper — she’s, like, West of freaky — and he can’t tell anybody because they’re all friends with his fiancé and would tell her.

–Brooklyn-bound D train, Atlantic Ave stop

Overheard by: just visiting

Girl on cell: Sorry, I’m on my way to the airport. It was either go to Michigan or cheat on my boyfriend… No, I’m going to Michigan.

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: Cat Darcy

German girl, after breaking kiss with another chick: Don’t worry about my husband too much…

–Frost St, Greenpoint

Overheard by: jayloo

Black man on cell: … So I put my hand between her legs… Nah, she wasn’t wearing any panties… She’s mad cool, but she’s married…

–Q46 bus

Overheard by: Izabela

Ghetto mama: … And I said to her, ‘No, I did not fuck yo’ husband. But I did let him eat my pussy!’

–Nostrand Ave

Overheard by: Kris S.

Posted on March 12, 2008
Advice, Black People, Brooklyn, Dating, Default, Drunks, Eating Out, Foreigners, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Infidelity, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, Punch, Strippers, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

He Works at the TBS Department of Humor Analysis

Guy #1: I wish I was back in Baltimore.
Guy #2: Pshhh… Maryland has crabs. Hahaha.
Old man passerby: Please! That’s the same joke everyone tells about Maryland. Get some creativity!

–Union Square

Posted on March 11, 2008
Default, Gripes, Guys, Strangers, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

That He Might Be Pregnant?

Woman: Well, I’ll tell you one thing — if you ever show up late again, I will have to refer to you as my late husband.
Man: Uh, you do know what that connotates?
Woman: Yep.

–Q train

Posted on March 11, 2008
Couples, Default, Gripes, On the Subway, Threats, Time, Words

Feedback: The Other Breakfast of Champions

Guy: Naw, you just stuck on stupid. I told you, you should’ve dropped down and sucked that nigga’s dick.
Girl, resigned: Yeah…

–1st & Union, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Nat

Posted on March 9, 2008
Advice, BJs, Default, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Williamsburg

Ultimately, Knowing What Kind of Head It Was Proved to Be of Little Comfort

Girl #1: Ewww! Boar’s Head!
Girl #2: That’s the brand.
Girl #1: Oh.

–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: thea

Posted on March 8, 2008
Default, Girls, Gripes, Store, Stupidity, Words

Ever Notice How Your Dad Listens to Barry Manilow?

Five-year-old girl: … And then he changed seats!
Nanny: Why are you obsessing?
Five-year-old girl: Because boys are weird.
Nanny: Boys will always be weird.

–29th & Park

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Posted on March 7, 2008
Default, Gender issues, Gripes, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Women

But First Can We Talk about How There Are No Batteries in This Park?

Tourist #1: This artist is just making crap up. He’s painting shit that isn’t even there.
Tourist #2: What?
Tourist #1: See that skyline he’s working on? He’s painted in two skyscrapers that aren’t even there!
Tourist #2: Fuck, he heard you — run!

–Battery Park

Overheard by: kiwibloke

Posted on March 6, 2008
Battery Park, Default, Gripes, Stupidity, Tourists, Violence, Visual Art

From Eye Fucking?

Chick #1: Can you hand me my eye drops? They’re in my bag.
Dude: What do you need them for?
Chick #1: My eye-ritis.
Dude: Wait… Eye-ritis? Like arthritis?
Chick #1: Yeah…
Chick #2: Guess how she got it? She slapped herself! [Laughs.]Chick #1: And now I probably have AIDS.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Noah Tizzle

Posted on March 6, 2008
Columbia University, Default, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Offers and requests, Stupidity

Hey, Wednesday One-Liners, Cold Enough for You?

Woman on Bluetooth: How’s the weather like in your New York?

–33rd & Broadway

Old lady: Geez! Man! It is really cold here! [Looks at other lady] This is why I live in Brooklyn!

–96th & Broadway

Brit tourist to another: Eeee, I knew it were gonna be cold, but I forgot we’d have to, like, go outside.

–Central Park

Overheard by: birdw0rks

Chick on cell: Why can’t you pick me up, Dad? … I don’t want to wait for the bus — it’s too cold out… Okay, thanks. See you later. [Hangs up phone.] Asshole.

–Bronx-bound 4 train

Overheard by: Sternie

Queer hipster: It’s gonna be cold this weekend. Like, negative four or negative zero.

–Essex Restaurant, LES

Pilot: Welcome aboard our plane this afternoon, with direct service to Atlanta. The current weather in Atlanta is actually colder than it is here, so it sucks to be you.

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: jaybrrd

Posted on March 5, 2008
At the Airport, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Default, Foreigners, Girls, Gripes, Hipsters, Insults, NYC Geography, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Pilots, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weather, Women

Gripes

From Eye Fucking?