Wednesday One-Liners Only a Mother Could Love

Woman to another: I mean, about the thing… he is ugly but at least he get it up!

–Abingdon Square Park

Man to friend: Ugly people aren't people!

–10th St & 5th Ave

Suit: Yeah, I couldn't deal with the paparazzi. I once saw a picture of Katie Holmes with a pimple, and now I think she's the ugliest person I ever saw.

–Governors Island

Overheard by: Natalie

Girl to guy friend: I cannot believe you volunteered me like that! I'm going to start volunteering you to people… unattractive people. Like Leroy*.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michael O'Connor

Bus driver on packed bus: Okay, everybody, we need to reorganize the bus. Can all the good-looking people move to the back of the bus, and all the ugly-looking people move to the front? Thank you.

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: Michael

Posted on October 7, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Bus, Bus Drivers, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hudson River, Men, Offers and requests, On the Bus, One-liners, Passengers, Physical appearance, Pictures, Public Transportation, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village, Women

Vanity, Thy Name Is Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: And I was like, "He bleaches his asshole, what does he know about anatomy?"

–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn

Seven-year-old girl to boy throwing mud at her: Watch it, Jakob! I wore eyeliner today!

–Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn

Very large woman on cell: It's called "Brazilian wax job." You only have to do it like every two weeks. Yep, it itches for a day or two, but it's worth every penny.

–PATH

Overheard by: Corey

Young lady with long curly hair to girlfriend: So, I started drying my hair with paper towels recently.

–Montague St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE!

Outraged feminine gay guy to another: He's having his lips redone… again!

–8th Ave & 20th St, Chelsea

Overheard by: Evan

Woman on cell: Girl, I don't understand why you gotta put on all that makeup just to go for a colonic!

–Washington Heights

Posted on October 7, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Fat People, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hair, Kids, Makeup, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, Science, Street, Surgery, Time, Trains Not Subway, Washington Heights and Inwood, Waxing, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

I Didn’t Ask for Facts, Either

Guy who just managed to squeeze onto the train: There no room here.
Girl trying to get on the train: I didn’t ask for no attitude.
Guy: You’re too fat.

–1 Train

Overheard by: DL

Posted on October 6, 2014
Comebacks, Default, Diet/Weight, Girls, Guys, Insults, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Public Transportation

Just Get Her a “Be Like Me” T-shirt with Your Picture

NYU student: So, I think I’m just going to tell my girlfriend, ‘You know, I’ve been going to the gym a lot, working out, watching what I eat, and I think you should, too.’
Friend, as all receptionists stare: Yeah, no — you really can’t say that.

–Palladium Gym, NYU

Posted on October 6, 2014
Advice, Guys, Gyms

Wednesday One-Liner Like an Egyptian

Guy on cell: I'm walking down St. Marks, and I'm having psychological issues. That's why I'm calling this NYU support number.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: A preponderance of hipsters can sort of do that to you…

Stylish guy on phone: No, I do not have time to check if anyone is gesticulating at me, I'm walking to Chipotle!

–Sock Man, St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Rachel Isadora

Thick-accented gentleman: You nevah saw that movie? Penguins walkin'?

–Smith & Wollensky's Steakhouse

Overheard by: kritta

Too-tan Columbia student: Oh my god! You should totally have picked up your phone the other night because I was totally ready to, like, walk by myself down 122nd Street to the d train, alone, at like, midnight! Even though I know it wouldn't have been very safe to do that, I was ready!

–Uptown 2 Train

Woman to another, holding the strings to 100 helium balloons: You never walk my balloons!

–Lafayette & Cumberland, Fort Greene

Overheard by: Brenda

Posted on October 6, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Brooklyn, Film, Food, Guys, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Psychology, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Drunk Girls + Car + Velocity = Humor

Guy: I think you might want to get a little closer to the curb.
Drunk girl #1: No, you know, I’m okay like this.
Drunk girl #2: Stop, don’t be a bitch, he’s being nice.
Drunk girl #1: Sorry!
Drunk girl #2: Thanks anyway, but we won’t get hit by a car, because it’s simple mathematics. It’s impossible!

–23rd & Park

Posted on October 6, 2014
Advice, Cars and Driving, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Stupidity

He Won his Brain in a Lottery too

Guy #1, waiting for the Wicked ticket lottery: What happens if we both win two sets of tickets?
Guy #2: Ummm. Then we resell them.
Guy #1: I thought you couldn’t do that.
Guy #2: Only if you sell them for more than they’re worth. So we could sell these for $25 each.
Guy #1: Or we could give them away.
Guy #2: You do realize we’re paying $25 each, don’t you?
Guy #1: Uh… we are?

–Outside the Gershwin Theatre

Overheard by: did not win tickets

Posted on October 5, 2014
Guys, Idiots, Money & Class, Sports, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Theater, Wishes & desires

Ad: The Snack You Can Snuggle With!

Girl: Edible what?
Guy: Edible panties!
Girl: Hooray!

–45th & 5th

Posted on October 5, 2014
Fashion, Food, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

Remember When I Ate That Mushroom And Didn't Get an Extra Life?

Guy #1, pantomiming a bowling motion: I scored a 263 on the Wii the other day.
Guy #2: You getting ready for Friday?!
Guy #1: Yeah!
Woman #1 to woman #2: I'm not sure it'll translate.

–Coffee Shop, Park Slope

Posted on October 5, 2014
Gadgets, Guys, Park Slope, Restaurants & Cafes, Sports, Stupidity, Women

Guys