Woman: So, my boyfriend has been listening to the Dreamgirls soundtrack all week. He loves that Jennifer Hudson song.
Guy friend: He's gay?
Woman: He is not gay.
Guy friend: Yeah, maybe he just thinks Jennifer Hudson is hot.
Woman: Oh god. He is gay!
–23rd & 6th
Black dude to friend: Well, check this out my nigga! Cracking your knuckles does not lead to arthritis… Mythbusters, my nigga!
–Park Slope
Black pimp on cell: That nigger ain't even give you a little nigga baby. All that nigga ever do is just fuck you and leave your ass, bitch. You got a child yoself, take care of your real nigga baby, because that's the nigga who keeps with you. That nigga won't fuck any other sluts. (notices everybody's staring at him) What the fuck y'all niggas lookin at?
–Social Security Office, East Village
Would-be feminist: Pussy don't have no power no more, because if it did, niggas wouldn't be doin' what they do.
–Jefferson Ave & Throop Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Jocasta Spell
Polish woman, walking up to group of ghetto fabs: Yo' wut up, my niggas? (pounds fist with ghetto fab guy)
–Delancy St
Overheard by: Kirkegaard
Crazy black man on phone: When you talk like that I'm gonna call you the N-word! (pause) Don't talk like that! (pause) I want to have sex with you.
–Murray Hill
Girl on cell: I'll adopt it, the state gives you money for retarded kids.
–48th & 6th
Guy to friend, disdainfully: And she's always like, "I work with Down syndrome kids," at… computer camp or some shit.
–4th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Shannon
Girl: I think he is sexually retarded.
–5th Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Abdul Marcos
Glitzed up Jersey girl to friends: I look so good right now, it's retarded.
–Ladies Room, Penn Station
Older man on cell: My dog has one of those retard vests, he can get into any restaurant in New York.
–W 23rd St & 6th Ave
Drunk thug, reflecting on his baby-mama's new man: I love motherfuckin' guns, and that's the bottom line, but I don't wanna go to jail.
–Bar, Cortelyou Road
Boy to limping blonde struggling to keep up: Oh my god, if you were a horse I would shoot you.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: The Game
Father to two small children, pulling them away from the register: C'mon, guys. Let's go before mommy shoots herself.
–Forbidden Planet, 13th & Broadway
Loud black girl: It's Manhattan, I don't have to worry about getting shot.
–NYU
Guy on cell: Hey man, aren't you tired of being shot?
–Queens Center Mall
Super gay dude to equally gay friend: You can tell she's mad when she starts using adjectives.
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: liat
Angry black man to white man standing too close: Fool, whatcha think you're doin? You tryin' to get all up on me? You don't know what I could do. I could bust a cap in yo ass. I'm an angry black man!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: Bex
Black man to Asian woman he's trying to hit on: Why won't you talk to me, baby? You still mad about the Korean war?
–145th & Broadway
Older woman on cell: Trixie, you have to stop kicking things when you get mad!
–40th & Broadway
Overheard by: Sean
Trampy Spanish girl to cranky Spanish guy: Why are you mad? It was just a blowjob, and he's your brother!
–West Village
Overheard by: Stifled A. Guffaw
Drunk guy #1, doing acrobatic moves on subway bars: I have the tears of a gay ballerina on me.
Drunk guy #2: Yeah, and it's kind of redundant.
–L Train
Tall blonde guy: Hey, do you have updog?
Blonde girl: What is that?
Tall blonde guy: Thanks for ruining it! You're supposed to say “what's updog?” and I'd be like “nothing much, man, you?”
Blonde girl: Alright, let's start over. Pretend we just ran into each other or something.
Tall blonde guy: Hey, do you have updog?
Blonde girl: What's “updog”?
Tall blonde guy: Nothing much man, you?
–F Train
Ghetto woman on cell: No, no… he ain't ghetto. He ghetto fabulous.
–28th & Lexington
Ditzy tourist: Did you know that, like, all the trains with numbers go to all the rich places and all the trains with letters, like, go to the ghetto areas.
–6 Train
Loud guy: Is that a 50 cent soda? You know you in the ghetto when you got a 50 cent soda.
–Jackson Heights
Woman on cell: That bitch is mad ghetto. She wore her wedding dress to work.
–Lenox & 118th St
Overheard by: K
Guy: Do I look like I ordered strawberries and cream? I have tattoos on my head and face!
–Starbucks
Being a full-time tranny is like having a tattoo on your forehead. Like, you can't work, like, what do you do?
–Brooklyn
Customer to another, about barber: Take him for example, he was in the special forces. He's got a big tattoo on his arm that says, "Kill 'em all, let god sort 'em out." Drop him off in Prospect Park today and tomorrow he'll be eating a sandwich.
–Park Slope Barber Shop
Overheard by: ian daywalker
Chatty young woman to bored-looking guy friend: You know, my shoes would really look a lot better if I had a foot tattoo.
–D Train
Man with tattoo that reads "don't go to hell" to friend: There's a funny story behind this tattoo. I was dating this bitch, and she would wake up every morning and suck my dick. Or fuck the shit out of me. And then tell me I was going to hell. You have no idea what this bitch put me through. I mean, sexually, she was great. We'd go out to bars and both of us would pick up chicks, so that by the end of the night we'd have two or three women hanging around us trying to go home with us.
–Chipotle
Overheard by: Jana
