Health and Hygiene

Take Me Out to the Wednesday One-Liner Game

Drunk NYU dude: You guys know that loose skin around your shaft or whatever? Push it over the tip of your dick. It feels like you have three balls. Three balls! Fucking sweet!

–NYU

Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual

Dude: I swear to god dude, I can feel my balls moving from side to side today!

–5th Ave

Hipster girl: Balls have no place in my mouth. Gum, chicken, or any other kind.

–F Train

Overheard by: Teabag

Loud fat black chick : I wanna kiss the balls of the person who made these cookies.

–Broadway

Overheard by: sounds yummy

Meathead on cell: I got some good shit for you for the gym. Shoot this shit in your ass three times a week and you'll look like The Incredible Hulk in no time… I can't believe you're doing all this stuff to impress your wife. We'll see how impressed she is when you don't have any balls anymore because you're on steroids. Who knows, maybe she'll start fucking me instead.

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: vicky

Guy on phone: I know classical music well enough to know that Vivaldi had no balls.

–42nd St & 10th Ave

Taco Bell Might Sue

Girl #1: I don’t normally carry a bag of vomit with me as a weapon.
Girl #2: We should market that.

–54th & 7th

Is It Our Anniversary Already?

Guy: I'll give you what I normally give you.
Girl #1: A toothbrush?
Girl #2: A penis in your face.

–113th & Amsterdam

Barkeep, Some Wednesday One-Liners, Please!

Scruffy guy: Maybe you’re allergic to kangaroo milk.

–St. Mark’s Pl

Overheard by: Elaina

Hipster dude on cell: Dude, what the fuck? Everywhere I go in your city there’s, like, no eggnog.

–Mercer St

Overheard by: omar

Street sock vendor to another: This country’s immigration problems could all be solved if they just stopped selling Corona.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Cameron Rose

Crazy guy: Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some fuckin’ water! Dumb bitch forgot the fuckin’ water. Go back up that hill, bitch, and get me my fuckin’ water!

–C train

Overheard by: Chrissy

Thug to wife: Yo, this nigga don’t trust nothin’ ‘less it has an umbrella stickin’ out of it. That’s gangsta!

–Atlantic Station Pathmark

Overheard by: Kosi

Or in Your Case, Like Buying Skincare Products

Metro male #1: I was gonna stop smoking…again… But when I take Adderall I smoke a lot more.
Metro male #2: What's it like?
Metro male #1: Adderall?
Metro male #2: Yeah.
Metro male #1: It's like being at a bar, drunk, hitting on girls.
Metro male #2: What?

–Spring & Broadway

Overheard by: David Last

Wednesday One-liners, One Leg at a Time

Woman on cell: Hey! Hey can you hear me? Listen, I have the extra pair of underwear from the colonoscopy and I forgot to take them out of my bag…

–12th Street & 7th Avenue

Overheard by: Caroline

“Oh…Then, want me to check your prostate?”

Guy #1: Do you have a light?
Guy #2: I don’t think you should smoke, this is a cancer walk.
Guy #1: Yes, but it’s not for lung cancer.

–South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-Liners Are Feeling Prickly

Girl: I shaved everything off down there, and I’ve never felt so accessible!

–A train

Blonde on cell: What’s aftershave? Is that the thing you put on after you shave?

–The Body Shop, 8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jack Rittymanee

Woman on cell: Yeah, all you do is wear cheap panties and don’t shave.

–Garfield & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Greasy man: Fuck, I have to go shave my balls now!

–23rd & 5th

NYU student to girlfriend: You know, it’s kind of like when you shave your butt.

–F train, between York St & E Broadway

Overheard by: j. asner

Ghetto lady to guy: I never shave my legs unless I’m tryin’ to make a statement or somethin’. I mean, that’s some serious shit.

–Broadway & LaSalle

Overheard by: nekko-chan

Punk rocker with crazy pink hair: And, I mean, she was good-looking and all, but I was like, ‘What the hell do you think I want a bunch of pictures of girls shaving their pussies for?! I don’t want that shit!’

–JMZ train, Myrtle stop

Overheard by: Don’t forward them to me!

As Real As NYU Gets, Nowadays.

Female NYU student: Like, my mom went to NYU. Like, when it was real.
Male student: Yeah, my dad went to NYU.
Female NYU student: Like, before Stern was called Stern, and it got shut down by the government because it was like, communist.
Female NYU student: I haven't showered in like, two days. I like, stink. I can smell myself.

–Cooper Square

Overheard by: saucy jade

On the Plus Side, It’s Gotten Her Active in the Charity Scene

Middle-aged actress #1: I just spent six thousand dollars on chemotherapy for my 13-year-old cat.
Middle-aged actress #2: Oh, I have a great homeopathic vet. What kind of cancer did she have?
Middle-aged actress #1: Breast cancer. She had a full mastectomy.

–Bank St & 8th Ave

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist