Customer: Do you think this shirt would match with these trousers?
Sales guy: Don’t ask me. I’m color blind.
–Urban Outfitters, Broadway
Overheard by: Gladys M
Customer: Do you think this shirt would match with these trousers?
Sales guy: Don’t ask me. I’m color blind.
–Urban Outfitters, Broadway
Overheard by: Gladys M
Teen girl #1: Yeah, so she said she was pregnant and I was just like, THAT SUCKS!
Teen girl #2: Ohh so that’s why she’s taking all that birth control.
Teen girl #1: Yup, I think she’s on like four.
—L train
Guy: I haven’t brushed my teeth in 48 hours.
Girl: Ew, that’s so gross.
Guy: Hey, you’re the one that’s kissing me. Want to see some plaque?
–1 train
Woman: *sneeze*
Man on street: God bless you.
Woman: You need to shave. You look fucking hideous.
–Grand St & Graham Ave, Williamsburg
Professor: So I told my grad students they could have an A if they earned it, or if they beat me in a 12-minute cage fight.
–Fordham Universityy
Israeli politics professor, after class: There's enough Tylenol out there to take care of your hangovers after Purim. So, all your sorry little asses better be in this class at three o'clock, Wednesday afternoon.
–Yeshiva University
English professor: Yeah, the end of the poem relates to the beginning. Every good poem has a return… just like a good walk.
–Hunter college
Professor: Of course there was marital harmony! As we all know, the family who cuts drugs together, stays together.
–Fordham Law School
Overheard by: EntertainedStudent
Professor: An example of synecdoche would be, "get your ass over here." You want all of them, not just their ass. But sometimes, you do just want their ass. And we all know how that goes. But that sort of thing doesn't happen in a classroom… usually.
–NYU
Overheard by: queenofscots
Dancer girl: I dunno, I mean, like, I wish they made a size like, triple zero, so I would have something to look forward to, y’know?
–Central Park
Man: Yeah, that’s how you gain weight: a backed-up colon. I cleaned mine out this weekend.
–B54 Bus
Overheard by: Alma Molato
Old woman, very loudly, in the middle of the movie: Boy, is she skinny!
–Movie theater, 86th Street b/w 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: The New York Crank
Girl on cell: If bitch can’t afford to buy her own groceries, she can just get skinny!
–Green Village Used Clothing, Bushwick
Anorexic fashionista: Any self-respecting anorexic knows that!
–Lincoln Center, 62nd & 9th
Man on cell: You went to a party last night? Well, that means you have to do three hours tomorrow. And I want you to drink lots of water, but none of that crystal light crap. That is seven calories that you do not need.
–Blockbuster, Broadway
Blonde #1: Her doctor's note literally says she cannot take the stairs. Like, her body physically can't do it.
Blonde #2: Well, then she needs to eat something!
–FIT Cafeteria
Queer #1: So where’s Jeff been?
Queer #2: Oh, he isn’t going here anymore. He said he can’t deal with the gay drama and being cruised all the time. He wants to work out around people who are more serious about working out and getting bigger. You know, people who are just more focused on bodybuilding and not chatting and gossiping. So he switched to Equinox.
Queer #1: What is he talking about? There’s no drama here; it’s not even that gay. It’s not 8th avenue!
Queer #2: I think he’s just really commited to his bodybuilding and wants to completely focus on it with no distractions.
Queer #1: I think he needs to lay off the creatine.
–14th Street NYSC
Woman: Do you like the perfume I’m wearing?
Man: It smells like a sanitary napkin…Before it’s used, of course.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Christina Rusnak
Thirtysomething mom on cell: That boy of your is too fat. [Pause] Well, you keep feeding him hamburgers. That’s why he has titties. He’s an A-cup.
–M15 bus
