Guy: Awww, man, did you hear? Billy's in the hospital!
Girl: Oh no! What happened?
Guy: He only ate bananas and pop for like two weeks straight.
Girl: Shit, that sucks. Poor Billy!
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Guy: Awww, man, did you hear? Billy's in the hospital!
Girl: Oh no! What happened?
Guy: He only ate bananas and pop for like two weeks straight.
Girl: Shit, that sucks. Poor Billy!
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Two-year-old, pointing to Citibank: That's my bank!
–7th Ave & President St, Park Slope
Overheard by: But who's your insurance carrier?
Nine-year old boy on cell: Well, you know what? Fuck you! I'm going home! (slams cell shut and begins strutting across parking lot)
–Parking Lot, Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: WTF????
Ten-year-old girl in bathing suit to seven-year-old girl: Stop touching my ass. Whore!
–Park, Astoria
Little girl to group of little girls: Raise your hand if you're allergic to penicillin!
–R Train
Overheard by: cole
Little girl to friends, pointing at platform: That's where hobos live!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Jesus Jon
Three-year-old boy, eating hamburger: Cock cock cock cock!
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Alexis from Texas
Kid in cart at end of dairy aisle as man he came in with goes down aisle: Ssomeone's gonna take me! Someone's take me!
–Stop & Shop, Kingsbridge, Bronx
Overheard by: Krisztina
Slavic guy to metro friend getting manicure: Hey, pay for mine too.
Metro friend: You want to get one?
Slavic guy, laughing and walking out: No!
–Fashion Nails, 13th & Ave A
Overheard by: erkala
Bimbette #1: I am so tired.
Bimbette #2: Ew, why?
Bimbette #1: I just, like, have not been able to sleep for the past week.
Bimbette #2: Oooh, that’s probably because of all the crack you’ve been taking.
Bimbette #1: And all the triple espressos! Right, right.
–F train
Gay guy #1: I’m not sure how big he was…?
Gay guy #2: All I know is that when a guy is that big, the next day I have such bad flatulence and diarrhea, it’s ridiculous…
–A Train
Overheard by: brainygirl
Girl on cell: So yeah, I was like, ‘That is a great costume,’ and then it set her hair on fire and I was like, ‘That’s gross.’
–CVS, 42nd & 3rd
Crazy hobo: That’s right! Arrest me! I’ll burn half y’all houses down… And set the other half on fire!
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Overheard by: Incitatus
Pseudo-intellectual: She called me and told me there was a bonfire in her ovaries.
–MacDougal Street Ale House
Overheard by: Ladle
Creepster: Come here… You don’t wanna know what I’m on right now. If you come home with me, I will light you on fire.
–Columbus Ave
Concerned NYU girl to boyfriend about California wildfires: Do you think Cher’s house burned?!
–Water St dorm, NYU
Overheard by: michael
Teenage girl to friend: I'm not even kidding, her asshole was *this* big! (connects her thumbs and pointer fingers making a large circle)
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: soccer mom
Female suit to friends: And the old-timers were just such assholes…
–Walker & W Broadway
Overheard by: j
Big squirming Latin kid: God! I got this burnin' in my asshole, man!
–Xavier High School
Overheard by: seriously?
Concerned friend to sobbing girl: All you did wrong was sleep with him before you knew he was an asshole!
–Coffeeshop, Park Slope
Overheard by: TheGreenCat
Girl: She is so fucking dirty. I swear, whenever she touches her hair she has to wash her hands.
Guy: Or make fried chicken.
–52nd & 10th
Man in floor-length green dress to passersby: How do you know if you're having a baby? It's by the way you lift your legs!
–8th & 34th
Guy to girlfriend: Just make sure you tell me if you're on antibiotics. I already got like three babies that way.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: It's how I got mine
Large black man: She was poppin' those babies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!
–Coney Island Broadwalk
Hobo woman yelling at random pregnant woman: I told you be careful with that belly! That baby's gonna die! It gonna die!
–Broadway & Liberty
Overheard by: CG
Man talking animatedly on cell: Yeah! Don't be surprised if the baby comes out with a hairy red ass!
–Spring Street, SoHo
Middle aged woman: Your baby wouldn't stop crying, so I put my tit in his mouth.
–W 12th & W 4th
Overheard by: michael diamond
Girl #1: You won't believe this. He was in the shower.
Girl #2: So?
Girl #1: He wasn't wearing a hat.
Girl #2: Oh my god!
–High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
