Health and Hygiene

Every One-Liner Has His Wednesday

Girl to friend: If it weren't for my sister's dog, I wouldn't have to drink during the day.

–Greenpoint

Overheard by: Kevin

Gay dude to another: It's so amazing how dogs get all up in there. Like, what if people had to introduce themselves that way? How great would it be if when I met you I had to sniff your ass?

–17th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: BT

Girl on cell: So wait, did Dr Siegel really charge you 150 dollars to chop a pimple off the dog's booty?

–Hart & Irving, Brooklyn

Girl to guy: Ever spend a lot of time with a Shih Tzu?

–MacDougal & 3rd St

Female voice outside my window: And I'm keeping the dog leg–I don't even care what you have to say!

–113th St b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Preferably During the Chicken Dance

Wedding guest #1, about open bar: Are we at least going to get sick?
Wedding guest #2, with resignation: Probably.

–Battery Gardens Restaurant

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Why Do We Teach Kids to Talk?

Mother, pointing out seat to four-year-old daughter: Sit down there, honey. Don't touch anything.
Daughter, indicating her seat: Did you see? I touched it and then I licked my hand.

–F Train

Overheard by: Southern Discomforts

That Advil Commercial That Never Made It to TV

Woman to man she just met: I live in Brooklyn, and I'm on my way to see my man in the Bronx. My mother said to me, “must be some kinda love if you travel all the way to the Bronx for a man!”
Man: Uh-huh! That's right! It's got to be good lovin', too!
Woman: You know what I'm saying? Don't talk to me 'bout no headache, 'cause I can't do this everyday!

–1 Train

Social Commentary, OINY Style

Ghetto-fabulous girl #1: Oh my god! I love this floor. It is so nice. And the people. They are so beautiful, every one of them!
Ghetto-fabulous girl #2: Mmm-hmm! And they dress so good–all professional.
Ghetto-fabulous girl #1: Damn! I bet they've got health insurance and shit!

–41st St & Madison

Turned Out I'd Just Eaten Too Many Cherry Popsicles

Hard hat #1: How'd you know something was wrong?
Hard hat #2: Weak. Tired. Bleedin' out of my fuckin' shit. I knew something was wrong.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: problems of my own

Anatomically-Correct Wednesday One-Liners

Serious guy to another: See these hands? These are my bread and butter!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Hi-D

Well-dressed 25-year-old on phone: Yes. (pause) Please spare me the placenta. (pause) Okay, well, as long as it's clean.

–Key Foods

Woman on cell: So, she doesn't think her body is going to be ready by then?

–32nd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Publius

Man on cell: I wish I could just take my legs off. That would be so much easier.

–45th St & Ave of the Americas

Loud chick: Yeah, I'm still taking French classes. Last week we did commands, and this week we're learning, like, body parts.

–Hudson St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

20-something girl on cell: But I have several heads…

–Metro-North Rail

Three-year-old boy to punk girl in black fishnets, as he pokes though holes: Um… why is your legs trapped?

–Thompkins Square Park

And Nothing Says “Sterile Environment” Like the Penn Station Restroom

Man, approaching sink: Ugh, there's never any paper towels.
Friend, walking by sinks: I mean, I know my dick's not dirty.

–Penn Station Bathroom

Overheard by: Luke Wallis

Mommy Drinks to Forget You.

Child, playing with friends: Shut up, goddam it! I said shut up!
Mother: Keep your voice down, mommy has a headache.

–6BC Community Garden

Overheard by: Sara

Clearly You've Never Made Condom Water Balloons.

NYU guy #1: If a girl asked me to go buy her some tampons, I wouldn't care.
NYU guy #2: Yeah. Actually, I'd rather buy tampons than condoms.
NYU guy #1: Yeah! Because like, with condoms it's like “yes, I am planning on having sex tonight”! But with tampons it's more like, “oh, what are you gonna use those for? A nose bleed?”

–Starbucks

Overheard by: fair point.

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