The Dishonorable Discharge Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: Okay, how do I put this delicately? (pause) Yeah, I don't think I can. Here's the difference between you and me: when I hear that a guy I like is riddled with STDs, I cut off all ties and stop thinking of him as a potential sexual conquest. (pause) Alright, dude, but don't come crying to me when you get your first outbreak.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: tatunit

20-something girl: I swear to god: if I get syphilis, I'm spreading it.

–Penn Station

Girl on cell phone: Yeah, and then the lady asked me to take off my pants because she wanted to do an examination. Well, I freaked because it's like a fucking jungle down there, and I wasn't expecting the exam. It was alright, though, the poster in front of me with disgusting images of vaginas with warts and cysts and stuff gave me comfort that the situation could be a lot more embarrassing.

–NYU Health Center

Girl on cell: I didn't say anything about your sister having herpes!

–Hunter College

Crazy health teacher: Now I am going to speak about sexually transmitted diseases. I know this is a subject which you enjoy. (students laugh) What? It is true. Everyone begins to grow excited when I speak of this subject.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crying, Education, Family Ties, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, Insults, Laughter, Medicine, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Queens, Sex, STDs, Street, Teachers/Professors, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners, Unfiltered

Social studies teacher: Sometimes this class just makes me want a cigarette and a stiff drink. To bad I don't smoke anymore. Well, cigarettes, at least.

–Hunter College High School

Girl to friend: What I really want right now is a whippit and two cigarettes.

–NYU Dorm

Subway girl: You know, he smokes a lot for being crippled.

–N Train

High school boy: You know Danny? He's been smoking since he was in second grade.

–Cold Stone Creamery

Overheard by: Kristina

Old lady to store owner: I just got out of the hospital. Can I have a lighter? A BIC one.

–Amsterdam & 88th St

Overheard by: Beez and Newb

Posted on February 10, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Elementary & Middle School, Friends, Girls, Handicaps, Health and Hygiene, Hunter, Medicine, NYU, Offers and requests, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Smoking, Store, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Wishes & desires

Like You Did About That Whole HIV Thing

Teen boy: No, I can't hide a bottle there. She makes me do it with the door open. She'll see.
Teen friend: She's going to watch you pee?
Teen boy: No, I have my back to her, but she'll notice a bottle. Maybe I can use a Visine bottle.
Teen friend: Just tell her that a positive result is good and negative is bad.

–B1 Bus

Posted on February 8, 2010
Bus, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Health and Hygiene, On the Bus, Pee, Questions, Teens

Let Us Pray

Orthodox Jewish man #1: We're sending her to Westchester for her eating disorder.
Orthodox Jewish man #2: Is that like a fat farm? Maybe she'll lose weight.

–Manhattan Beach Park

Overheard by: Vespertinas

Posted on February 8, 2010
Diet/Weight, Food, Health and Hygiene, Jews, Parks

The iTouch App We've All Been Waiting for

Blonde #1: I just got my boobs done!
Blonde #2: Oh, wow! They're so cute!
Blonde #1: They don't look too big or rock hard, do they? They hurt so much, I feel like a damn porn star!
Blonde #2: No, they look awesome!
Blonde #1: Wanna feel them?
Blonde #2: (squeezes friend's boobs)

–Apple Store, 14th St

Overheard by: Susie

Posted on February 7, 2010
Beauty, Boob Job, Compliments, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Height, Porn, Rack, Store, The Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

But the Paddle Looks Even Worse

Sikh #1: And then I broke my sacrum.
Sikh #2: What's a sacrum?
Sikh #1: My butt bone.

–23rd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: E.S.

Posted on February 5, 2010
Accidents, Ass, Body Parts, Health and Hygiene, India Indians, Murray Hill and Gramercy

George W. Bush: “Is Our Children Wednesday One-Linering?”

Ghetto mother, about daughter: She hard on herself when it comes to her grades. That comes from her father. I told him, "you better stop that, or else you're gonna bust her brain."

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: Raven

Truant girl on cell: I didn't! (pause) No, I didn't! (pause) I didn't skip! (pause) I didn't go! It's not the same thing! (pause) No, it isn't! (pause) I didn't go anyplace! I didn't go to somebody's house or nothing! (pause) It's not the same! I didn't skip! I just didn't go! (pause) No, it's not the same! It is not!

–8th Ave & 50th St

Overheard by: stephie

Proctor, seeing a student come into testing room: Hey, aren't you that kid who was smokin' yesterday? Oh, yeah, that's right, you're the one that flipped me the bird! Now I have yo' name and yo' ID numba, and I can call up yo' parents… Today is just my lucky day!

–Stuyvesant High School

Long Island guy: I can't wait to get back to college. The girls there are so hot. I can't wait to get my DNA on em, know what I'm sayin'?

–LIRR

Indian chick on cell: What's good? I'm not taking Hindi anymore, that's what's good! Hellll fuckin yeahhh! Whoooo!!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: me neither

Posted on February 3, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Education, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Health and Hygiene, India Indians, Insults, Languages, Lies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Names, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, School and studying, Science, Sex, Smoking, Students, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners

Scabies Can Be Cured; Winter Only Goes Into Remission

Short girl: I just don't like the winter, it's so depressing.
Suit #1: I know. And I have scratches all over my body.
Suit #2: How did that happen?
Suit #1: I'm not sure, but…
Short girl: Maybe you have scabies!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: The WC

Posted on January 31, 2010
Girls, Health and Hygiene, Penn Station, Psychology, STDs, Suits, Weather

Funding Healthcare Reform May Be Easier Than We Think

Bag lady to man eating veggie burger: Yo! You eat that shit, it gonna go through yo body an' come out yo asshole!
Man eating: Thank you, miss. I'll be careful.
Bag lady: Got a quarter?

–89th St & Amsterdam

Posted on January 28, 2010
Advice, Asshole, Bag ladies, Health and Hygiene, Men, Panhandling, Poop, Strangers, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vegetarian & Vegan

Health and Hygiene