Do They Make a Glade Plug-In for Wednesday One-Liners?

Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here!

–Grand Central

Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now.

–44th St & Broadway

Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, "what like, asshole?"

–59th St & Lexington

Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that?

–Brooklyn College

Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: christopher james

Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy.

–F Train

Posted on August 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Directions, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Parents, Passengers, Pee, Penis, Poop, Public Transportation, Questions, Rape, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Well, The Preppy Handbook is OOP

Bag lady: Girl, you be’s so rich you got diamonds on yo’ socks.
Chick: They’re not diamonds, they’re argyle.

–C train

Posted on August 7, 2015
Fashion, Hobos, Money & Class, On the Subway, People

The A-Train's Like a Hobo Petting Zoo

Hobo: Anyone got any gum? (silence) Pay me in candy!
Conductor: Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, 59th Street will be our final stop due to a power outage.
Hobo: Don't be sorry, feed us.

–A Train

Posted on August 7, 2015
Conductors, Directions, Food, Hobos, Homeless, On the Subway, Public Transportation

He Was This Close to Carrying a Goat

Girl #1: I don’t think I can walk anymore.
Guy #1: C’mon, I’ll carry you.
Girl #2: You’re carrying her all the way to 72nd?
Guy #2: Dude, you’re not gonna make it.
Girl #1: It’s okay, you don’t–
Guy #1: It’ll be fine.
Hobo: That place sure has great door prizes.

–Tavern on the Green, West 67th Street

Overheard by: gibberish

Posted on August 6, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Hobos

The Audacity Of Wednesday One-Liners

Black guy, cutting in front of line at movie theater: Excuse me, Barack Obama is President now. Thank you.

–AMC Movie Theater

Overheard by: Emmy

Man with hand stuck in bus door to bus driver: We got a black President and you actin' like this? You civil service!

–14D Bus

Sketching Jamaican hobo: Obama is some kinda skateboard.

–Shuttle to Times Square

Subway hobo: How come Obama don't have sex with his wife no more? Because every time she opens her legs, he sees bush!

–1 Train

Man to toddler in his arms: That's Obama. He's gonna save us all from doom! From doom!

–University & 12th St

Posted on August 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Bus Drivers, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Family Ties, Guys, Hair, Hobos, Kids, Men, Movie Theaters, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, President, Private Parts, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Companies Find Hobo Marketing Extremely Cost-Effective

Female suit #1: God! These people are so, so, annoying!
Female suit #2: Totally. There are too many persnickety people in this world.
Female suit #1: Persnickety people!
Passing hobo: Exceptional cheese!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Alicia Morris

Posted on August 5, 2015
Food, Gripes, Hobos, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Words

Does Mom Know You’re Out Here?

Homeless guy: Yo, yo. Can I get a donation to my broke-ass foundation?
Hipster guy: Sorry, dude.
Homeless guy: Aww, come on brother. Just pretend that you love me.

–5th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: some girl

Posted on August 4, 2015
Default, Guys, Hipsters, Hobos, Homeless, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Street, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

Hobo Humor Goes Right Over Their Heads

A hobo is holding a sign that reads, “Why lie? I need a beer.”

Hobo: Hey there, mister.
Cleveland guy: Is he serious?
Cleveland girl: I don’t know. What do we do?
Hobo: Smile, folks! It’s a joke! I need a whole six-pack!

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Gave him five dollars

Posted on August 4, 2015
Hobos, Homeless, Midwesterners, Yankee Stadium

Later, the Hobo Shared His Cock with Her

Hobo: Hey, does anyone have some spare chicken?
Girl: Ha, ha, “chicken”? Sorry, I only had room for one rotisserie in my bag…and this one’s for me.

–L train

Overheard by: diana

Posted on August 4, 2015
Food, Girls, Hobos, On the Subway

I Hate It When Mom and Dad Fight

Guy: Hey, if you’re gonna pee you could at least find someone to clean it up. Did you hear me? If you’re gonna urinate on the street, you could at least find someone to clean up after you!
Hobo: How about you go fuck yourself, motherfucker? How about that?

–Murray & West Broadway

Overheard by: Cait

Posted on August 4, 2015
Assholes, Etiquette, Hobos, Pee, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Hobos