Wednesday One-Liners Say “Piss on It!”

Man exiting subway: No, thanks, I've had enough urine in my nose today.

–14th St & 8th Ave

Guy, infatuated with female friend: If I had a pool I'd let you pee in it.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Chadwick

Sturdy guy to chubby girls: We're men! We pee in the park!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: mmhmmm

Mad boyfriend beside girlfriend: No! No! No! I know how you are! I know how they are! All you have to do is pee and…

–Steinway St.

Overheard by: Dustin

Loud girl: Ugh, I wish I had a penis so I could pee on all ya asses.

–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Amused Freshman

Little boy to brother: I have all the power! Do not make me pee-pee on you again!

–Throop & Pulaski

Overheard by: Melissa Kairuz

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Brothers, Cleanliness, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Gender issues, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Men, One-liners, Pee, Penis, Queens, The Village, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

100% Edible Wednesday One-Liners

Short girl: Yo, Friday? I'm getting done. Done! Getting saucy. Saucy! With two double Es. "Sau-cee!" Like pasta! Nigga, I get buns!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ben B.

Office drone to coworker: So yeah, they have this like big place in the city. But they have a patio and a garden and they cook every single night. They cook on their patio! But not like my cooking. Not cereal. They make braised lamb.

–32nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Marie Z.

Teen on cell: Mmm, that peppercorn brandy sauce was gangster.

–72nd & Colombus

Overheard by: Lauren

Random dude: Maybe they'll let you put a biscuit on lay-away.

–KFC, 106th & Broadway

Guy on cell: So, I just need to get some toilet paper, tomato soup, and chain myself in the room for a while.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Brigdh

Eight-year-old kid to mother, referring to generic cereal: Yo, they've got bootleg Froot Loops!

–Target, Atlantic & Flatbush

Overheard by: Ravi

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Food, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Moms, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, Shopping, Store, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

The Misunderestimated Phraseoids of Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde chick to dude: Isn't he, like, koreish?

–F Train

Dude on cell: It's not even like a relationship, it's all texting, it's a textationship.

–22nd & 1st

Overheard by: loves it

Girl on cell: She was all slippy and shit.

–SoHo

Student to another: The trouble with you is that you got the wrong misconception.

–Broadway & 116th

Overheard by: Cousin Al

Mom, upon examining young son's pruney toes: Jake! What's wrong with your toe? Look, the skin is coming off, it's like you're molding! Just like a little bird! Your foot is molding!

–Prep School Swimming Pool

Overheard by: I dream of Jean

Teen on payphone: Listen! Mah words isn't what I'm sayin!

–Fulton & Broadway

Overheard by: Mondo Man

Woman on cell: You thought he was gonna shit on you? Sit? Spit? You gonna need to step up your English game.

–Fulton Street Subway Station

Overheard by: Johnny Twisto

Posted on January 14, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Questions, Relationships, School, Smegma, Soho, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

The Five-Second Rule Does Not Apply to Buses

Disgusted mother to little girl who picked up a Swedish fish she dropped on the bus floor: Don't eat that.
Little girl, dusting it off: It's okay, I'll kiss it up to god.
Mother: Don't you dare put that in your mouth. You have no idea what was on the floor.
Little girl, putting it in her mouth and chewing it: It's okay! I kissed it up to god! (swallows it) What are you going to do about it?
Mother, angrily: I'm not going to do anything. You're just going to die.

–Q18 Bus

Posted on January 13, 2009
Body Parts, Death, Food, God, Kids, Moms, On the Bus, Should've Used a Condom

Fox Cancelled Lush Life After Four Episodes

Mom: Where do you want to eat honey?
Six-year-old daughter: Not a bar!

–West Village

Overheard by: Aidan

Posted on January 11, 2009
Food, Kids, Moms, Questions, West Village

Me, Too!

Three-year-old, greeting grandma in Starbucks: Grandma! Grandma! Hey grandma, are you wearing your special underpants? Are you wearing your special underpants, grandma?
Grandma (laughing): Yes, yes.

–Brooklyn Heights Starbucks

Posted on January 11, 2009
Brooklyn, Clothing, Families, Family Ties, Kids, Questions, Starbucks, Weirdness

Still Think Children Are Precious?

Four-year-old girl: You know, sometimes I fart from my pagina.
Seven-year-old boy: That's impossible, you cannot fart from your pagina.
Four-year-old girl: Yes, I really fart from my pagina, and I do it all the time.
Seven-year-old boy: How do you know it's from your pagina and not your butt?
Four-year-old girl: I know what comes from my butt and what comes from my pagina. My pagina feels like a button.
Seven-year-old boy: I don't care. You do not fart from your pagina.
Four-year-old girl: Yes, I do, and Cinderella does, too.
Seven-year-old boy: Just stop talking to me.

–Rosa Mexicana, 61st & Columbus

Overheard by: Ariella

Posted on January 11, 2009
Ass, Compare/Contrast, Disney, Farting & Burping, Kids, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Quick–To Google, Everyone!

Middle school-aged girl: I think the video of us dancing is on the internet!
Friend: Are you sure that's a good idea?
Middle school-aged girl: Whatever, no one will see it!

–19th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mikaela

Posted on January 11, 2009
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dancing, Friends, Internet, Kids, Questions

Sounds Like a Pyramid Scheme

Yuppie mom #1: It's very blocks focused.
Yuppie mom #2: Blocks?
Yuppie mom #1: Yes, it's a very progressive school. They do very perverse things with the blocks.
Yuppie mom #2: Um, I don't think I understand.
Yuppie mom #1: You know, they use the blocks in literature, in math…if they want to play kitchen, they have to build the kitchen first. It's very progressive.

–12th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Jenny

Posted on January 11, 2009
Education, Kids, Moms, School and studying, West Village, Yuppies

In a Big Red Suit?

Upset three-year-old: I wanna see the balloons go up in the sky!
Father: We'll see it all on tv in the morning and guess who will be at the end of the parade. He's a very very special guest.
Upset three-year-old (now sobbing): Barack Obama.

–81st & Columbus (Macy's Balloon Inflation Site)

Overheard by: Not having children for a long time

Posted on January 10, 2009
Celebrations/Parties, Dads, Kids, President, Questions, TV, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Kids

The Five-Second Rule Does Not Apply to Buses