What What (In the Wednesday One-Liners)

Drunk-looking girl on cell: … And I just received a postcard of butts! Things are looking up!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Ladle

Angry soccer mom: Whoever has his or her hand on my ass, you better be one of my kids.

–Staten Island Ferry

Chick on cell: Ew! Ass striations?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

College girl: I slept at Steve’s dorm. Needless to say, my ass cleared every surface he had in that room. Twice.

–Downtown B Train

Overheard by: Pola

Tall guy on cell: Listen, if you want a white woman to show you her ass all you gotta do is pull out a camera. They drop their panties in a second, at least that’s what I tell the committee.

–Starbucks, Columbus Circle

Conductor over loudspeaker: Aaaand next stop… Yo’ mama’s ass!

–F Train from Queens

Overheard by: Tina K

Posted on May 11, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Cleanliness, Drunks, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Kids, Moms, Nudity, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pictures, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Race, Sexuality, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, Staten Island Ferry, Subway conductors, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Say a Mouthful

Loud woman on cell: I suck your dick and we can't be Facebook friends?

–20th St & 6th Ave

Guy to buddies in the passing Skyfari car: Yo, that building over there… That's the building where I got that $5 blowjob.

–Skyfari, Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Stefan Yonker

Young man, dismissively: I could fucking suck cocks for a living, it doesn't matter!

–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave

Middle schooler, wrestling in Aids memorial: Ooops, I sucked your dick!

–Hudson River Park

Overheard by: Nina & Phil

Middle-school girl to mother: My e-mail password is "blowjob".

–L Train

Posted on April 17, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Facebook, Friendship, Guys, Hudson River, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, Nostalgia, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Prostitution, Questions, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Should’ve Kept a Lock on Those Adoption Records, Mommy

Lady pushing stroller, after Puerto Rican Day parade: No, you are not Puerto Rican.
Four-year-old daughter, with flag painted on her face: Yes, I am!

–71st & 2nd

Overheard by: Yann

Posted on April 14, 2018
Kids, Moms, Parades & Festitivites, Race, Upper East Side

And It Earned Me a Fear Factor T-Shirt

Little boy: Mommy, mommy! Can I get a hot dog please?
Mom: No.
Little boy: Please? Why not?
Mom: Remember that time you drank your pee pee juice?
Little boy: But that was yummy!

–Time Square

Posted on April 4, 2018
Boys, Default, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Pee, Questions, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Know How to Quit You

Young queer on cell, laughing: I mean, what is he going to blackmail me with?

–9th & 47th

Overheard by: wondering

Older queer to boyfriend: There's nothing like listening to Bach after having sex!

–W 72nd St, Record Store

Overheard by: I'll have to try that sometime…

(40-something gay guy is looking through a clearance rack of mismatched outerwear under sign that reads "Big and tall active bottoms")
60-something gay guy, yelling: Good luck, dahling, you're in the wrong section. Find where the big desperate bottoms are and try that!

–KMart, Penn Station

Overheard by: RoverUSA

Gay black man to whimpering toddler held by mother: Don't even start with me… Thank the Lord you ain't my kid.

–M15 Bus

Young, good looking gay guy to much older ugly boyfriend: My ex-boyfriend always bought me presents…

–86th St & Lexington

Posted on February 22, 2018
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Boyfriends, Bus, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Gays and Lesbians, Gifts, Harassment, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Penn Station, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Singing, Store, Street, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

And the Odds Are One in Four She’ll Have an STD by Fifteen

Mid-western mother to suit crossing against light: Excuse me, sir?
Suit, in mid-intersection: Yes?
Mother: You’re setting a bad example for my daughter -crossing against the light.
Suit, continuing on his way: Yes, I am.

–45th & 5th

Posted on February 4, 2018
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Apologies, Default, Education, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Midwesterners, Moms, Only in New York, Suits

A Woman Whose Rides Are All Open, Honey

Mom: We can go to Coney Island this summer. It's not closed, just some of the rides.
Kid: Mom, what's a trophy wife?

–1 Train

Posted on January 26, 2018
Kids, Marriage, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Questions

Just Back from a Tour as a Guantanamo Interrogator

Mom: You’re the mommy.
Little boy: I’m not the mommy.
Mom: You’re the mommy.
Little boy: I am not the mommy.
Mom: You’re the mommy.
Little boy, screaming: I am not the mommy!

–Little Italy grocery

Overheard by: should i be taking parenting notes?

Posted on January 2, 2018
Boys, Grocery Stores, Kids, Moms, Parents, Talking/Convos, Violence

Virgins Exist?

Mom, reading about unicorns to ten-year-old son: The unicorn was a symbol of Christ, its head in the virgin Mary’s lap…
Son: Wait, wait, wait! Mary was a virgin?!

–Museum of Natural History, Mythic Creatures Exhibit

Posted on January 1, 2018
Animals & Nature, Boys, Default, Jesus, Kids, Moms, Museum of Natural History, Questions, Upper East Side, Virginity

The Jury Will Disregard This Testimony

Woman #1: Yo, you need to come out tonight! We’re going to that strip club!
Woman #2: Yo! Not in front of my son!
Woman #1: Oh, sorry! But it’s that good one we were at that other time.
Woman #2: Damn, yeah! That was some crazy shit!

–Pizzeria, Graham Ave

Overheard by: Mr. Man

Posted on December 25, 2017
Getting Off, Ladies Who Lunch, Moms, Restaurants & Cafes

Moms