Wednesday One-Liners, Literally

Man on cell, authoritatively: Ejaculate!

–14th b/w 3rd & 4th

Mother to curious little girl reaching out to touch Wall Street bull's testicles: No! (yanks her away)

–Bowling Green

Woman shouting across a grassy field: Slutbots!

–McCarren Park, Brooklyn

(intercom beeps 10 times)
Train conductor, over intercom: Shit.
(intercom continues to beep)

–Hudson Line Train

Man on bike speeding along Brooklyn Bridge walkway: Pussyhoooollleeeeee!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Quiet, older gentleman sipping coffee, leafing through newspaper: Motherfuckers!

–Barnes & Noble Coffee Bar, Broadway

Overheard by: Suze V

Posted on January 22, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Balls, Brooklyn, Conductors, Cum, Insults, Kids, Men, Moms, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Passengers, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Visual Art, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Even Closer, M-O-M-G-O-L-O-I-D

Mom: “Cucumber”.
Boy: C-u-c-u-m-b-e-r.
Mom: Very good. Ah, ah, “barbershop”.
Boy: B-a-r-b-e-r-s–
Mom: No, no.
Boy: B-e-r–
Mom: No, you were right, b-a-r–
Boy: B-a-r-b-e–
Mom: It’s like a lady’s name, cause it’s a hair place.
Boy: B-a-r-b-a-r-a-s-h-o-p?
Mom: Close, it’s b-a-r-b-r-a-s-h-o-p.

–1 train

Overheard by: Daniel Drucker

Posted on January 18, 2016
Books & Writing, Elementary & Middle School, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Stupidity

Meet the Gallup Poll's Youngest Recruit

Little boy to dad: Do you like Obama?
Dad: Yes, son, I like Obama.
Boy: You like Obama, mom?
Mom: Yes, I like Obama.
Boy: You like Obama?
Sister: I like Obama.
Boy: Hey, people, you like Obama?
Random people: Yes, we do.

–116th St

Posted on January 17, 2016
Dads, Families, Kids, Moms, Parents, President, Sisters, Strangers, Street

The Word’s Out on The Bucket List

Woman #1: How are your girls?
Woman #2: They’re good. My four-year-old said something “sucked” the other day -that was fun.

–Crunch Gym, 38th St

Overheard by: Maggie

Posted on January 15, 2016
Compliments, Default, Family Ties, Gyms, Kids, Moms, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Women, Words

Even at Bed, Bath and Beyoobies?

Two-year-old boy, pointing at dinnerware: Boobies?
Mother, pushing him inside shopping cart: No.
Two-year-old boy, pointing at pots: Boobies?
Mother, pushing him inside shopping cart: No.
Two-year-old boy, pointing at woman: Boobies?
Mother, pushing him inside shopping cart: Yes, but that's rude.

–Bed Bath & Beyond

Posted on January 11, 2016
Gender issues, Kids, Moms, Questions, Rack, Should've Used a Condom, Store

Wednesday One-Liners Still Can’t Get Over Joey Picking Pacey (That Dumb Bitch)

Girl on cell: We got Chinese cable because it was cheaper than the cheap cable…Yeah, it’s all in Chinese…Whatever. As long as I watch things that I’ve already seen, I don’t need to actually know what they’re saying.

–N train, Astoria

Queer, on cell: Have you seen Victoria’s boyfriend lately? He looks great. She’s better than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

–Eckerd, Astoria

Mother, to kids: Sorry we just missed the fireworks, guys. It’s okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.

–79th St entrance, FDR

Tourist, after eagerly struggling for camera air-time: You know what, Ma, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to watch this — it only airs today.

–Taping of the Today Show, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Stephen and Allison

Girl: Well, today they had a woman who was born a man who married a man who was born a woman, so don’t shit on Maury Povich!

–New York Public Library

Overheard by: Actually READING at the Library

Guy: Sweet Sixteen? That show makes me understand terrorism.

–114th & Broadway

Posted on January 4, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Celebrities, D-List, Fashion, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Language Barrier, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, People, Places, Pop Culture, Queens, Queers, Terrorism, Topics, Tourists, Trannies, TV, Women

The Camus Prequel Falls Short of the Original

Boy: Mom? Mom? Can I get this?
Mom: No.
Boy: I see you as a stranger now.

–Burlington Coat Factory, Atlantic Center Mall

Overheard by: Sara Kleipe

Posted on December 30, 2015
Brooklyn, Buildings, Kids, Moms, Shopping

Someone’s Been to the Learning Annex

Mom: What?…What?
Tween boy: That woman–
Mom: Nah, boy. You need to learn how to crack on people. Gotta be quick on that shit. ou too late.
Tween boy: But–
Mom: Don’t even try. It ain’t gonna be funny. You too late.

–3 train

Posted on December 29, 2015
Insults, Moms, On the Subway, Tweens

Just a Little Bit Of Wednesday One-Liner Repeating

Mother to child in front of diorama of pilgrims and Native Americans: Well, that's because the Indians never met real people before.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Peter R.

Young girl, arriving through train tunnel at Grand Central Station: I wonder if Harriet Tubman is down here.

–Grand Central Station

Airhead: I think like… Colonialization is like… The umbrella theme of, like… Diplomacy.

–Pommes Frites

History teacher, about Andrew Jackson: He tight, he kill mad people, he buggin'.

–High School

Teacher, discussing Thomas Jefferson's mistress: You see, guys? History is exciting! It's full of sex!

–High School, Lower Manhattan

Overheard by: SzN31

Posted on December 27, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Grand Central, History & Geography, Idiots, Kids, Lower Manhattan, Moms, Murder, Museum of Natural History, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sex, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Moms