Small boy: Mom, I found a kitten!
Mother: Name him Cletus.
Small boy: Cletus, you my only nigga.
–Nokia Theatre
Small boy: Mom, I found a kitten!
Mother: Name him Cletus.
Small boy: Cletus, you my only nigga.
–Nokia Theatre
A lady and her family are standing up in the train. It’s very crowded and her little boy isn’t holding onto anything. He keeps falling against her with his face right in her crotch as the train swerves. She says: That’s right, I’m gonna push you back up in there. Four years of nothing but trouble!
–1 train
Truly urban son: Look, mom, an eagle!
Mom: No, Gabe, it's just a pigeon.
–The Bronx
Overheard by: Natasha
Headline by: Brian
Runners-Up:
· “But It’s a Bronx Pigeon, So It Acts Like an Eagle” – PeterG
· “Kudos to the Science Teachers at P.S. 51” – Los
· “The Cash-Strapped Bronx Zoo Wasn’t Fooling Anyone” – Coyoty
· “The True Symbol Of America” – BabakganoosH
· “This Is the Bronx, Let Him Dream…” – Lacey
Little girl: Mommy, I’m going to marry Daddy.
Mom: Sorry, honey, turns out Daddy doesn’t like girls. Daddy likes other daddies.
–A train
Man on cell, authoritatively: Ejaculate!
–14th b/w 3rd & 4th
Mother to curious little girl reaching out to touch Wall Street bull's testicles: No! (yanks her away)
–Bowling Green
Woman shouting across a grassy field: Slutbots!
–McCarren Park, Brooklyn
(intercom beeps 10 times)
Train conductor, over intercom: Shit.
(intercom continues to beep)
–Hudson Line Train
Man on bike speeding along Brooklyn Bridge walkway: Pussyhoooollleeeeee!
–Brooklyn Bridge
Quiet, older gentleman sipping coffee, leafing through newspaper: Motherfuckers!
–Barnes & Noble Coffee Bar, Broadway
Overheard by: Suze V
Mom: “Cucumber”.
Boy: C-u-c-u-m-b-e-r.
Mom: Very good. Ah, ah, “barbershop”.
Boy: B-a-r-b-e-r-s–
Mom: No, no.
Boy: B-e-r–
Mom: No, you were right, b-a-r–
Boy: B-a-r-b-e–
Mom: It’s like a lady’s name, cause it’s a hair place.
Boy: B-a-r-b-a-r-a-s-h-o-p?
Mom: Close, it’s b-a-r-b-r-a-s-h-o-p.
–1 train
Overheard by: Daniel Drucker
Little boy to dad: Do you like Obama?
Dad: Yes, son, I like Obama.
Boy: You like Obama, mom?
Mom: Yes, I like Obama.
Boy: You like Obama?
Sister: I like Obama.
Boy: Hey, people, you like Obama?
Random people: Yes, we do.
–116th St
Woman #1: How are your girls?
Woman #2: They’re good. My four-year-old said something “sucked” the other day -that was fun.
–Crunch Gym, 38th St
Overheard by: Maggie
Two-year-old boy, pointing at dinnerware: Boobies?
Mother, pushing him inside shopping cart: No.
Two-year-old boy, pointing at pots: Boobies?
Mother, pushing him inside shopping cart: No.
Two-year-old boy, pointing at woman: Boobies?
Mother, pushing him inside shopping cart: Yes, but that's rude.
–Bed Bath & Beyond
Girl on cell: We got Chinese cable because it was cheaper than the cheap cable…Yeah, it’s all in Chinese…Whatever. As long as I watch things that I’ve already seen, I don’t need to actually know what they’re saying.
–N train, Astoria
Queer, on cell: Have you seen Victoria’s boyfriend lately? He looks great. She’s better than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
–Eckerd, Astoria
Mother, to kids: Sorry we just missed the fireworks, guys. It’s okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.
–79th St entrance, FDR
Tourist, after eagerly struggling for camera air-time: You know what, Ma, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to watch this — it only airs today.
–Taping of the Today Show, Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Stephen and Allison
Girl: Well, today they had a woman who was born a man who married a man who was born a woman, so don’t shit on Maury Povich!
–New York Public Library
Overheard by: Actually READING at the Library
Guy: Sweet Sixteen? That show makes me understand terrorism.
–114th & Broadway
