Wednesday One-Liners Support a Woman's Right to Shoes

Dude looking at girl shoes: If I were a chick I'd wear the ugliest shoes, I swear.

–5th Ave

Woman on phone call with son's teacher: I know he's in the big boy group, but if you see he put his shoes on the wrong feet again, could you just let him know, please?

–57th St & Madison

Four-year-old girl: My toes are in my shoes!

–Bus

Overheard by: vcstr

Girl, with pride: I can't get laid in this town without these pointy fucking shoes. My feet are so black and blue, and so are you!

–F Train

Overheard by: Ofelia Hiney

Gay guy to friend: Oh, c'mon, at its best, The Wizard of Oz is just a story about two women fighting over a pair of shoes.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Paul N.

Posted on May 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Bus, Colors, Education, Elementary & Middle School, Friends, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Movies, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Queer guys, Sex, Shoes, Street, Teachers/Professors, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Prove That Nowhere Is Safe from Our Spies

Exasperated mother to child in toilet stall: Hurry up and poop!

–Ladies’ Restroom, Penn Station

Overheard by: Betsy

[Girl is taking a piss in bathroom, friend shuts off lights.]Girl: Biiitch! You know my pussy don’t glow in the dark!

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Lady in bathroom stall: [Grunts, groans grunts again.] [Pause.] Oh my god, I peed on the floor!

–Sheraton Hotel

Overheard by: Morgan

Hungover senior, chanting loudly over sound of own urination in bathroom: Allllllllll riiighty thennnnnnn! Ahhhhhhhh!

–SVA Animation Department

Overheard by: Laughing

Man farting at urinal, to friend at urinal next to him: Hey, man, what do you think about piss farts?

–Kimmel Center, NYU

Overheard by: JO in Bobst

Girl: I’m not looking. I don’t want to see your vagina. Even if we are family.

–AMC Theater Restroom, Times Square

Overheard by: wondering what’s going on in the next stall

[Horrific sounds heard in adjacent stall for 3 minutes.]Co-worker, yelling: "I’m sorry, I had milk!"

–Office bathroom, 31st Street

Posted on May 1, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Cleanliness, Coworkers, Family Ties, Farting & Burping, Girls, Hotels, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, NYU, Offers and requests, Parents, Pee, Penn Station, Poop, Questions, Stall Spies, Students, Theater, Times Square, Vagina, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

More Bad News for the Sixth Borough

Little boy: I loved Philadelphia! Mommy, why don’t we move there? I wish we lived there!
Yuppie mom: No you don’t, sweetie. Philadelphia is kind of the ghetto.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: daile

Posted on April 30, 2015
Insults, Kids, Moms, Port Authority, U.S. Geography

And I Put a Blanket Over the Gin-Filled Kiddie Pool

Mother: I swear, the next time you're late coming to see me… I mean, I'll give you five minutes and then I'm gone.
Daughter: I couldn't help it. They were doing room inspections and I had to stick around.
Mother: Room inspections?
Daughter: Yeah, they come around and check your rooms, make sure there's like no lights or no alcohol.
Mother: What about the alcohol I gave you?
Daughter: They don't open drawers.

–Pizza Place near Columbia University

Posted on April 30, 2015
Apologies, Columbia University, Drinking & Drunk People, Families, Family Ties, Moms, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Time

What About Grandma?

Mom: Don’t ever disrespect your mother! You can always disrespect your father. All what your father did was to shoot the sperm. Your mother is the one who brought you out to this world. No matter what happens, don’t ever disrespect your mother!

–D Train

Posted on April 30, 2015
Moms, On the Subway, Parents

Step Two: Repeat

Little boy: …and sometimes, my penis, gets stuck on my shirt!
Mom: It does, huh?
Little boy: Yeah, but I just pull it back off!

–Barnes & Noble ladies’ room, Union Square

Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram

Posted on April 29, 2015
Clothing, Kids, Moms, Penis, Stall Spies

I Hear She Shops at a Tiny, Tiny Version Of Wet Seal

Little girl, sadly: But she got the new Barbie…
Mom: Yeah, but hers is super janky… Yours is the good one, it was all customized for you. You don't want hers.
Little girl: Oh.

–N Train

Overheard by: Brittany M

Posted on April 28, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Parents, Pop Culture, Wishes & desires

Too Soon for a Heath Ledger Headline?

Six-year-old boy: Mom, did you know that Elvis Presley died of a drug overdose?
Mom: Well, that won't ever happen to you.
Six-year-old boy, angrily: How do you know?

–Atlantic Ave Station

Overheard by: Jon Good

Posted on April 28, 2015
About Celebrities, Anger Management, Death, Hard Drugs, Kids, Moms, Parents, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

I'm Pretty Sure I've Seen Bono in Ripped Jeans. Just Saying.

Mom to daughter, taking out ripped jeans: Rosemary, the people in Ireland will be thinking, “what is she doing wearing ripped jeans?”
Daughter: Mom, I'm sure that people in Ireland wear ripped jeans.
Mom: Yeah, poor people.

–Laundry Room, W 116th St

Posted on April 27, 2015
Clothing, Global Geography, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Moms, Money & Class

Moms