Hippie girl, about friend cheating: So now she won't answer anyone's calls. And her boyfriend said she hasn't come home in a week.
Friend, completely serious: Maybe he killed her for cheating on him and is calling everyone, acting worried.
Hippie girl: Are you serious right now?! She is probably staying with the guy she's been cheating with.
Friend, looking ashamed: Sorry, I've been watching way too much SVU.
Hippie girl: You need to make friends when you go back to Boston!
–Washington Square
Guy: Matt is making me watch Schindler's List.
Girl: I like the part where they kill the Jews.
Guy: Yes, that's a very well-executed scene.
–91st & 3rd
African-American preacher: Everybody singing about Obama. Obaaaaammma. Obaaaaaaama. Obama ain't black, learn the truth, Obama is Al-Qaeda. Obama is Muslim. You know how Obama got them black man lips from smoking them Marlboro cigarettes.
Traditionally-dressed African-American man: You don't know what you're talking about, motherfucker. You were brainwashed by the white man.
African-American preacher: That's racist! The bible doesn't see in black and white. Obama's a homo! Obama's a baby killer!
–2 Train
Peter Greene (Zed from Pulp Fiction): What happens in your life if you don't have your gallbladder?
–The Library, East Village
Girl on cell: My life is cursed, Cordelia!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Charlotte
Hobo carrying tall bamboo pole: What a life. Who wants to shoot me in the back?
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Overheard by: Publius
Girl to friend: So they, like, told me I should come up to the school for two days and, like, go to some dinner on the first night and then do campus activities the next day. But I don't know. That's, like, two days of my life.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Bystanding Citizen
Little girl to mom: It's okay, mom. I'll just go on and have a good life and never learn how to whistle.
–80th St & Amsterdam Ave
Teen skater #1: Dude, I wanted to chill on Easter but my mom said I had to go to church.
Teen skater #2: You should've said “mom, fuck church!”
Teen skater #1: Dude, if I had said “fuck,” I wouldn't be alive. I would've been under the couch. My mama would've stuffed me in a bag… Put some incense on that shit so it wouldn't smell.
–6 Train
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
Vegan on elevator to friend: Honey… that's not vegan.
Friend: It's not? But it don't kill no bees?
Vegan: But it comes from an animal, remember: anything that has a mommy. Honey is kind of gross anyway, it's bee spit.
Friend: Damn! That's some tasty-ass spit, though, isn't it? I would tongue a bee. In a heartbeat!
Vegan, ignoring last phrase: What else? Marshmallows, they have horse bones in them…
–31st St
Tall Mexican woman: Hey, whatever happened to that little boy?
Nonchalant short Asian woman: Well, they found his head but not his body.
Tall Mexican woman, rolling eyes: Figures.
–C Train
Man in bar, with the air of explaining a very simple concept: We need to shoot every fucking robber in the head, right? Then there would be no robbers.
–Midtown
Mom to son picking leaves off a potted plant: You better stop doing that or else they'll shoot you.
–Roosevelt Island Golf Center
Overheard by: erak
40-something female suit: I'm looking for a particular kind of venom for my blow-gun darts.
–The High Line
60-something woman to two admiring 30-something women: My body no longer produces estrogen and I carry a gun in my purse… Who's going to mess with me?
–Prince & Sullivan
Extremely tall black woman watching video excerpt of porn star Marilyn Chambers "self pleasuring": Huh, looks like she's cleaning out a chicken.
–Museum of Sex, 5th Ave
Very round and fat short woman on cell: Next time ya come down to Astoria bring me some ribs! (girlishly) Bring me some chicken or some ribs. (pause) Wellll, bring some tomorra! (pause) I'll be lickin' my fingas at 4:30 in the mornin'!
–N Train
Overheard by: I want some ribs too
Suit on cell: So, the chicken comes out of its cage, and then it picks your fortune!
–Baxter St & Walker St
Overheard by: Kristin
High school girl: I'm sorry, but I was really high, and the chicken was just sitting there in the fridge. I mean, would you think someone's a bad person who kills someone when they're drunk? (pause) Let's pretend I didn't say that.
–86 St
Lady on cell: They eat the same thing all the time. Every single day it's curried chicken, white rice, curried chicken, white rice. I just want a damn sushi burger!
–Downtown F Train
Gay guy dressed in black with painted red hair: So fuck it. I'm gonna make a fetish costume for a chicken!
–11st St & 3rd Ave
Black lady to family in obama t-shirts: You know how all those irish people have pictures of kennedy hanging up in their living rooms? Now we can do that too!
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Definitely has a JFK picture in her apartment
Guy selling obama-themed condoms: Remember the election with every erection!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Mary Button
Black woman with a child in her stroller braiding her hair: There's gona be a lot of braidin in the white house.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Subway surfer
Woman on cell phone: Girl, if I can get to the front of the line at the vma's I can get to the front of the line at the damn inauguration. Shiiiit it's barack obama, girl!
–manhattan dental waiting room
Overheard by: Catherine
Stoned kid to a group of his friends discussing politics: You know what's scary bro? If obama gets assassinated, george bush is gonna be president again.
–1 Train @ 2AM going Downtown
Black man handing out metro: "get your obama metro! Get your obama metro! See, anyone can be president… I'm next!"
–59th Street, Lexington Ave
Overheard by: Yes we can!
