Does a Wednesday One-Liner Shit in the Woods?

Puzzled guy on cell: What kind of girl calls you a "cuddly wuddly bear" and doesn't go out with you?

–The Village

Overheard by: Greene

Hobo: Hey there, folks! I'm Yogi Bear! Have you seen Ranger Rick?

–Gray's Papaya

Overheard by: Zach

Woman on cell: I'm glad the evil bear didn't kill you in your sleep!

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk girl to sober companion: Oh my god, I saw this dog the other day. It was a bear!

–Tick-Tock Diner

Outraged girl on cell: She's anti-polar bear?

–NYU Campus

Overheard by: nina

Posted on April 29, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Hot dog stands, Man's Best Friend, Murder, Nicknames & name calling, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Stupidity, The Village, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

In His Little Electric Highchair

20-something: He said he murdered someone.
Friend: He's so cute!
20-something: I know!

–N Train

Posted on April 25, 2009
Beauty, Friends, Idiots, Murder, On the Subway, Stupidity

And Lots Cheaper Than Tennis Lessons

Six-year-old girl, with mace in hand: Look, mommy! A mace! Now I can hit unicorns and make them bleed. Death to unicorns!
Mom: That's great, honey.

–8th Ave & Carroll St

Posted on April 21, 2009
Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Death, Kids, Moms, Murder, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, Weirdness

Plus, Don't You Have to Be Fat?

Hip Asian girl: I'm getting really interested in Buddhism.
Sassy gay friend: I like killing bugs too much.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: michelle

Posted on April 10, 2009
Asians, Buddha, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Friends, Girls, Insects, Murder, Queer guys

A Vegan Camp Ghost Story

Girl #1: And there was a live poultry-slaughtering place across the street.
Girl #2: No way!

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Headline by: Matthew

Runners-Up:
· “Boneless-Skinless Breasts Don’t Just Grow That Way?” – EddieA
· “Coin Operated, Which Made It Kind Of Cruel” – Nick Pollotta
· “I Think It’s Called a Strip Bar” – Sandy Paws
· “I’m Telling You, It Was the Best Club I’ve Ever Been to” – PeterG
· “It Was Called Panda Express” – Chuck G
· “It’s the New Starbucks – Soon There’ll Be One on Every Corner” – Brent
· “Rachel’s Stories About the World Outside NYC Always Gave Becky Nightmares” – Siobhan
· “That’s Why the Wedding Was So Cheap” – treibs
· “They Also Perform Circumcisions” – mark

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on April 9, 2009
Birds, Food, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Murder, Park Slope

Just Like I Did.

Japanese toddler: Do they have jail in Japan?
Japanese dad: Yes, they have jail everywhere.
Japanese toddler: I want to go to jail!
Japanese dad: No, you don't. You get killed in jail.

–Grand Central Terminal

Posted on April 6, 2009
Dads, Grand Central, Japanese, Kids, Murder, Prison, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Where “Hurrying While a Northerner” Carries a Death Sentence, at Minimum.

Businessman behind group of tourists: These slow-moving tourists are fuckin' killing me.
Tourist: We'd better not catch your fast-moving New York ass in Beaumont, Texas!

–37th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: DodgersWill

Posted on March 17, 2009
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Ass, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Comebacks, Murder, Threats, Tourism, Tourists

You Do Have to Wonder When All the Nurses Are Carrying Scythes

Older woman: I don't trust New York hospitals. They killed my mother.
Younger woman: Really?
Older woman: They killed my friend's mother. It was horrible.

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn Station

Posted on March 12, 2009
Medicine, Murder, Old People, Parents, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Women

All You Need Is Wednesday One-Liner

Announcer guy: Hey girl, I love your face. And Charmin loves the other end!

–Charmin NYC Restrooms, Times Square

Overheard by: Nathan

Drunk boyfriend: Thanksgiving is over, and so is our love!

–Grand & Leonard, Williamsburg

Overheard by: fanny

Subway busker, about next song: This is not a love song. The reason that this is not a love song is because I don't like her anymore.

–Time Square

Philosophy professor on last day of class: If you love something, set it free. And if it flies away, run after it and kill it.

–City College

Overheard by: Dan Lurie

20-something guy to friend sharing iPod with him: I would do anything to live there…I would pretend to be in love.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: dallas

Woman on cell: I will skin and tar you. (pause) Oh, I love you!

–W Broadway & W 3rd St

Posted on March 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Celebrations/Parties, City College, Drunks, Friends, Guys, Lies, Love, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, Poop, Singing, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Threats, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Women

Killing Me Softly with His Wednesday One-Liner

Excited man on cell: Hey! Did you hear who died? Amanda's pretend husband died!

–N Train

Overheard by: Tophs

20-something woman to friend: Well, I wanna kill her and she wants to kill me, 'cause I took her husband.

–R Train

Overheard by: Tara

20-something hipster girl: I am a nihilist! Watch me die.

–Waverly & Mercer

Asian guy to white girl: All children are born evil. If they had the strength of an adult during childhood, they would kill someone just to get a lollipop.

–Queens College

Woman on cell: Okay! I get it. She's not a good person. Just kill her.

–Canal St & Laffaette St

Overheard by: Kay

Conductor: You're all gonna die! I'm your worst nightmare! Ahahahaha!

–C Train

Overheard by: P-Diddy

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Conductors, Death, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Infidelity, Kids, Marriage, Men, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Queens, Queens College, Soho, Stupidity, Threats, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Murder