Wednesday One-Liners and the People Who Love Them

Marketing girl: Would you like to try a new perfume? It's for you and your pet!

–Bryant Park, Outside Fashion Week Tents

Overheard by: jycho

Girl: I told my mom that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life. Yesterday she sent me an e-mail with a link to petfinder.com.

–Student Center, Barnard

Overheard by: Kristine

Man trying to sell comedy club tickets: Cheaper than an abortion! More entertaining than the crucifixion! More fun than euthanizing your pets!

–50th Ave & Broadway

Overheard by: Colleen

Queer on cell: Well, women are just pets for straight men.

–E 10th St

Woman on cell: So are you going to tell your daughter that you ate her pet?

–20th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Jesse S G

Posted on July 18, 2015
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bryant Park, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Gender issues, Girls, Internet, Jesus, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Parents, Parks, Queer guys, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, The Village, Vendors & Street Performers, We Love Our Pets, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

To a Number of Prior False Arrests

Thug #1: Oh, shit! It’s the po-po! Let’s get outta here, man! Come on, let’s go!
Thug #2: Yo, chill, we ain’t done nothing wrong!
Thug #1: Yeah, you’re right, dog… just a reaction.

–21st & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: SUSAN

Posted on July 18, 2015
Cops, Crime and Punishment, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Thugs

They Were Talking About Salads, You Lech!

Chick #1: Yeah…I put all kinds of really weird stuff in it.
Chick #2: What, like carrots?

–27th & 3rd

Posted on July 17, 2015
Food, Friends, Murray Hill and Gramercy

Wednesday How Many Liners?

Cute guy to German flight attendant on layover: So, do you have cars in Germany?

–Barracuda

Overheard by: barkeeper

Girl: So, my mom is Jewish and my dad is Christian. Does that make me, like, bi-racial?

–Eugene Lang College

Overheard by: Still ashamed I go to school here

Hispanic high school girl: Is the Fourth of July always on a Friday?

–N Train

Overheard by: D-Law

Guy to friend: Well, that's nice, they have these machines set up for the visually impaired, but what about the deaf people?

–ATM, 38th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: jennyooooo

Student: Is Swedish even a language?

–Columbia University

Trucker: What are you, stupid, or both?

–M86 Crosstown Bus

Posted on July 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Bus, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Columbia, Columbia University, Conductors, Family Ties, Flight Attendants, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Guys, Handicaps, Insults, Languages, Latinos, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Bus, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Race, Religion, Students, Stupidity, Time, Wednesday One-Liners

Don’t You Even Want to Work?

Old woman: You should really go to the men’s homeless shelter.
Hobo: I’m a woman.

–25th & 3rd

Overheard by: Marcus

Posted on July 17, 2015
Advice, Gender issues, Hobos, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Old People, Women

He’s Just Not That Into You…

Hip woman: …then I slit my wrists–
Hip guy: Um?
Hip woman: –and he sucked my blood.

–5th Ave. & 19th St.

Posted on July 17, 2015
Kink, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Places, Sex, Topics

Wednesday Will Go Nazarene on Your One-Liners

Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Emily B.

40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there?

–Starbucks

Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior.

–Queens College

Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along.

–22nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Rachel Peters

Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow!

–B44 Bus

Overheard by: Micah

Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Smudge

Posted on July 16, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Black People, Books & Writing, Bus, Christianity, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Jesus, Medicine, Money & Class, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Bus, Queens, Queens College, Questions, School and studying, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, Store, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Hey, John the Baptist Enjoyed Blowing Lines as Much as the Next Guy

Guy in monk costume: I mean, it would be so easy to hide in this outfit.
Friend: Yeah, really.
Guy in monk costume: I'll just shoot it under the robe. I mean, after all, it is Halloween!

–26th & 5th

Posted on July 15, 2015
Drugs, Fakes, Friends, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Weirdness

They’ve Got to Be Listening to You First

Dude #1: …so she like told me all penises were ugly. That they were just ugly organs, so I was like, “Yeah? Well, then from now on you can’t get any of mine!”
Dude #2: Ha, ha.
Dude #1: So she all took her clothes off and then we did it.
Dude #2: Ha, ha.
Dude #1: The best way to get a chick is to act like you don’t care and you get laid immediately.

–19th & Broadway

Posted on July 15, 2015
Advice, Friends, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penis, Sex

…From a Donkey.

Woman, looking at two obese ladies flirting with a construction worker: This scene makes me want to puke.
Man with her: (laughs)
Woman: But all I've got in my stomach is cum.

–Gramercy Park

Overheard by: Me Too?

Posted on July 13, 2015
Body Parts, Cum, Diet/Weight, Laughter, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Physical appearance, Vomit, Weirdness, Women

Murray Hill and Gramercy