Shady guy rolling an oriental rug on a hand truck: New rug! Good price I give you!
Couple standing outside: Nah, that's okay.
Shady guy: It's brand new! You can make love on it!
–Madison Ave & 28th St
Overheard by: Marie Z.
Shady guy rolling an oriental rug on a hand truck: New rug! Good price I give you!
Couple standing outside: Nah, that's okay.
Shady guy: It's brand new! You can make love on it!
–Madison Ave & 28th St
Overheard by: Marie Z.
30-something guy to another: She works for Sesame Street so she gets a lot of free underwear.
–Brooklyn Label, Greenpoint
Girl: Yeah, dude. She wasn't wearing any underwear so everyone was trying to pull down her skirt!
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Mollie
Tourist mom in matching pink jumpsuit, struggling with too many children: Oh my Jesus, I wore the wrong thong today!
–42nd St
Overheard by: Emily
Puzzled hipster on cell: Wait…how did wearing a thong fuck up her eye?
–7th St & Ave A
Hipster girl on cell: Did you get your underwear? Lindsey! Goddamn it! "Eat" sounds nothing like "get!" Fuck! What? Fuck you, bitch! Taste of my own medicine, bullshit! I heard nothing about gnawing on my own underwear!
–Baskin-Robbins, Mulberry
Overheard by: Hana
Very blond mother pushing baby carriage, on cell: I don't care, we've talked about this! Don't fucking touch my underwear!
–20th St & 7th Ave
Girl yelling at guy wearing ridiculously oversized shorts: Eat my shit out the toilet! Stew my shit and eat it!
–109th & Manhattan
Random girl: The only thing is, you have to flush your own toilet paper.
–Brooklyn Botanic Garden
Overheard by: the old fashioned way
Teenager: So then I pooped my pants, and my belt buckle exploded!
–Fulton Street
Overheard by: The Lane Train
10-year-old boy walking with his mom and sister: I'm a good guy. I don't pee on the floor. Or doo doo.
–Broadway, Astoria
Teen on cell: Alright, I'm gonna go home. I gotta clean up some poop.
–49th & 3rd
Girl: He called me last night and said he wanted to see me! When the maid knocked on the door I thought it was him and I thought, "I think I have to poop!"
–Milford Hotel Lobby
Old lady crossing the street waiting for cars to pass: C'mon people, shake a leg. (cars pass) Thank you very much.
–80th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Peg
Woman leading tour group across 8th Ave: Okay people, walk quickly and walk with purpose. When the red hand stops the light changes and you will be hit by a car.
–54th & 8th
Overheard by: James
Female tourist to her friend: Why is everyone crossing the street when the light is red?
–Times Square
Girl Scout in uniform: No, it's okay. You can jaywalk here!
–34th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Marie
Woman running into middle of road waving arms: Stop, stop, I don't want to get hit. Stoppppp! (cars slow down or slam on brakes) Hahahaha…just kidding.
–Union Turnpike & Utopia Parkway, Queens
(cab turns in front of guy crossing) Guy: Hey, I'm walking here! (turns to his friend) I always wanted to say that.
–42nd St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Alex
Hootchie, about subway smell: It smells like gooood chicken in here. Like McDonald's.
–86th St Subway Platform
Overheard by: EthanK
Barnard girl, indignantly: Chickens don't have thighs!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: The Thighless Wonder
Kid to friends: Oh, shit! I forgot there's a chicken in my backpack!
–Canal St Subway Station
Overheard by: Mel
Cracked out lady on one crutch to cashier: Do you guys still carry like, hamburgers and chicken sandwiches and stuff?
–McDonald's
Overheard by: Ben
Perspiring panhandler on definitely non-organic substances holding a can and singing: I love chickennn…chicken breastsss and thighhhs…chicken heads…mmmmmmm…I love them goooood (keeps going) Thank you. (extends his can for donations)
–7 Train
Overheard by: OG Bergenfield
Woman on phone with friend: I mean he wouldn't even cut my chicken in half for me at dinner. I was all givin' him shit for it. We got in this fight and I told him, "That's what people do to show each other that they care! They cut each other's chicken in half or make them a can of soup or whateva'!" You know what I'm sayin'?
–88th St & Broadway
Guy: Okay, we can invite him too, but you have to remind him that pants are a requirement, not a mild suggestion.
–Uptown 2 Train
Middle aged man at the end of police show (exhausted from dancing around the suite all night): Wow, I can't believe I kept my pants on!
–MSG Skybox
Overheard by: Russ Beef
Man to friend: And like, man I wasn't gonna drink anything, but I smoked like one hundred blunts and was so high and I was like taking my pants off and shit.
–1 Train
Overheard by: batou187
Ghetto guy to ghetto friends: I remember the day I got my Reeboks like I remember the day that I peed my pants…when I was too old to pee my pants.
–A train
Overheard by: Hannah
Guy on phone: I think that may be slightly humiliating though, if the pants actually come off. And someone feels the chicken cutlets inserted in your underpants for some added power.
–19th & 8th
Overheard by: Joey
Waitress #1: Do you have any tampons?
Waitress #2: Yeah, I have regular and super.
Waitress #1: Are they the plastic kind? The cardboard snags my vagina.
–Restaurant, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Unappetized
Man collecting money: One penny, one penny! No one should be hungry!
Little child: You're wrong! Stop saying that!
–Waverly & University Place
Overheard by: Obviously a Republican
Wannabe rap superstar: Yo, wanna buy this CD?
Middle aged white guy: What are the beats like?
Wannabe rap superstar: (silence)
Middle aged white guy: Are they like (starts beat-boxing)?
Wannabe rap superstar: No. (leaves)
–96th St & Amsterdam
Overheard by: sure they weren't
Customer: Hi, can I have one tall mocha frappuccino light, one venti skim decaf latte with an extra shot, and one tall iced chai?
Surly barista (under his breath): Oh, that's just great for me.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Lexcar
