Offers and requests

Ghetto mother to obnoxiously loud child: Stop it! Stop it! I said stop it! Oooh, girl I am gonna sell yo ass for a Lexus and a mansion if you don't stop!

–L Train

Mother to small child lagging behind: Do you want to go home with another family?

–South St Seaport

Overheard by: shopgirl

Grandmother to small grandson: You went potty, Nietzsche? That's very good. Nana is coming over later, Nietzsche.

–Carl Schurz Park

Mother, to kid peeing on street: Michael, we don't pee on other people's doors!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Nikki

Mother, to kid looking at toys: It's not a toilet, it's to make cupcakes.

–Toys "R" US, Times Square

Overheard by: Howie

Father, to five-year-old son: I had no idea you liked AC/DC!

–Penn Station

Mother, to son in stroller watching two shady characters: Oh, a drug deal! Sam*, your first drug deal encounter.

–81st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: andrew daly

Haggard-looking middle-aged woman: Hi, yes, I need a refill. I need my Xanax. (short pause) My life is hell.

–CVS Pharmacy, 42nd & 10th Ave

Suit on cell: No mom, I'm not going to just start popping antidepressants without seeing a professional first! Why would you even say that?!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: I'd have prescribed some ritalin for him

MTA conductor over loudspeaker: Hey Bobby! Lay off the steroids, they're making your voice sound funny!

–MTA Harlem Line Train

Overheard by: Nina

Loud suit on cell: Hello? Yes, hi, I'd like to order a Viagra pill. Only one, sir. No, no, just one. Sir, I want only one pill of Viagra, can you do that for me? Can I pick it up tomorrow? Great, thank you. I look forward to seeing you. Take care now, bye bye.

–44th St & 3rd Ave

20-something girl: Whenever I have a bad day, I think "How did Hillary Clinton feel?" and then I don't feel so bad. I mean they must have put her on sedatives to make it through that.

–C Train

Cute girl on cell: Well, tell her if she takes all those pills I'm going to kill her!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: arctinus

Tourist: Huh, I could have sworn he'd be here!
Cop, looking around: Can I help you, miss?
Tourist: Yeah, I'm looking for a guy.
Cop: Okay?
Tourist: Should be wearing tighty whities…cowboy hat.
(cop sighs, pointing to his left)
Tourist: Thanks!

–Times Square

Cop: You can't go this way.
Driver: Shut the fuck up, asshole.
Cop: Tell it to your wife, buddy.

–17th & 2nd

Country gent with thick drawl: I need tickets for two seniors and two adults, please.
MTA booth worker: Okay, where you goin?
Country gent with thick drawl: My son's house.
MTA booth worker: What train station?
Country gent with thick drawl: I dunno, does “Hartford” sound about right?

–Harlem 125th Street Metro North Station

Loud girl: I'm not gonna move in with him until he gets rid of that damn dog! I'm not gonna let him pull a fast one on me. I'm not commuting two hours to work while that dog lies around the house all day. Hell no! He better get that damn dog euthanized.
Tired-looking, quiet older woman: Sounds like you got him all figured out.

–6 Train

Man in cast: Nah man, I can't I don't have health insurance.
Creepy man: You don't have health insurance?! I can get it for you! Just give me your social security number!
Man in cast: Oh yeah?

–East Village

Overheard by: Gina

Little girl: Mommy, you can bite my ear.
Ghetto mama: Huh?
Little girl: You want to bite my ear?
Ghetto mama: No!
Little girl: Come on mommy, bite my ear!
Ghetto mama: Goddamn it child, no!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Barnard girl

Panhandler: Are there any Christians here who could help me out? Any Christians who can spare just one penny? (no one gives him any money, so he goes to next car)
Panhandler (muttering) I can't believe there's not one Christian who'll help me out.
Man standing nearby (yelling): Amateur!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Iris K

Shady guy rolling an oriental rug on a hand truck: New rug! Good price I give you!
Couple standing outside: Nah, that's okay.
Shady guy: It's brand new! You can make love on it!

–Madison Ave & 28th St

Overheard by: Marie Z.