Old People

Old lady tourist: Excuse me sir, do you know where the Chinatown is?
Flaming gay Asian guy: Yeah. It's downtown. Just follow the smell, girl… Follow that smell!

–Canal St

Overheard by: InShock

Old guy moving away from lady on cell, who follows him: Lady, would you shut the hell up already?! I moved from back there just to get away from you!

–M20 bus, 23rd St stop

Conductor: This is 72nd St. Stand clear of the closing doors. B train. B for "brighten up your day" train. (at the next stop) Folks, this is 59th Street, and just like magic we are now an express train. B express train. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–B Train

Overheard by: ryder

Train conductor: You can transfer to the M as in "money," the N as in "Nick," and the R as in "Romeoooooo!"

–D Train

Guy on cell, giving directions: So you take the D line… No, D as in "David." D! D! A, b, c, d! (pause) No, D. Okay…then you walk down to Hoffman Street… Hoffman Street, as in "Dustin Hoffman." He's that actor, with a big nose, that you really like, the one that's in that movie about your life…yeah…yeah! He's a cross-dresser! Tootsie! That's you, bro!

–Arthur Ave

Overheard by: eternal student

Creepy old man to creepy friend: We should be on the V. V for "vagina". We're on the F. F for "fuck."

–Downtown F Train

Overheard by: CL

Conductor: There is no C train like "Charlie" all weekend. The D train like "Dick" is helping us out. I probably shouldn't have said that. It's okay, you'll overlook that when I tell you that this A train will keep its express status.

–A Train

Overheard by: Nay

Old gentleman: What is venison?
Waiter: You know the movie Bambi?

–Falai Restaurant, Clinton St

Overheard by: trying to keep the wine from squirting out

Elderly security guard #1: You got plans this weekend?
Elderly security guard #2: Nah, man.
Elderly security guard #1: Oh, I know what you got planned!
Elderly security guard #2: Nothin', man. I'm gonna be sleepin'.
Elderly security guard #1: Sleepin' like a pervert!

–7th Ave b/w 37th & 38th

Overheard by: Julia H.

Chef, checking to make sure everyone has washed their hands: Are you sterile?
Older man: In more ways than one.

–Rustico Cooking Studio

Overheard by: Lobster

Girl: Like, my grandmother got stabbed with an ice pick by her brother. And then they were estranged for years.

–Bobst Library, Washington Square South

Old black man: Does anyone want to give this old black man a seat?
(white guy gives him his seat)
Old black man: Thank you, sir. You're gonna be the next president after Obama… Wait, first it's gonna be Fidel Castro, then you.

–2 Train

Dude: Hey, watch it! Hey!
Old guy: What?
Dude: That’s very rude.
Old guy: I said “excuse me”.
Dude: Well I didn’t hear it.
Old guy: Well maybe you should listen next time.
Dude: Well maybe you should kiss my ass, fag.
Old guy: Fuck off and die.

–Borders men’s room, 32nd & 2nd

Santa: Merry Christmas, young lady.
60-something woman: I’m old…
Santa: Well, I’m older… Look at my beard!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: IS and JC