Charmer #1: I took part in my first bukkake last night.
Charmer #2: Was it great?
Charmer #1: No, I missed her eye.
–D train
Charmer #1: I took part in my first bukkake last night.
Charmer #2: Was it great?
Charmer #1: No, I missed her eye.
–D train
Woman #1, fanning herself on crowded train: It is hot.
Woman #2, also fanning herself: If this were the Underground Railroad, damn, I would have been a slave forever.
–A Train
Toddler, screaming: Eeeeeeaaaaaeeeeeeaaaaeeeeeeee.
Tranny woman: Oh my gawd, you so need to win American Idol!
Toddler: …
–F Train
Overheard by: Faye
Man: Hey, are you guys from Germany?
Tourists: Ja?
Man: I’ll tell you one good thing about Germany — the beer, the food, and the women.
Tourist: Ja.
–N train
Overheard by: Don Willmott
Guy: Did you hear that the dude who shot the Pope got let go from jail?
Girl: Yeah, and the Pope forgave him and everything.
Guy: Wow, I totally want to shoot the Pope now!
Girl: Yeah, he’d probably be cool with it.
–E train
Overheard by: Gradie Smith
Woman, 40s: …so I was like, no man can get away with that! I won’t let him get away with that! So I decided to leave him. I took my clothes, my jewelry, and my money, I didn’t need no more than that…are you listening to me? So I packed my bags, took my jewelry, his jewelry, my money, his money, and left $5 on the dresser–leave him broke, right? And then before I left, he was sleeping? And you know, the muscle still works even when he’s sleeping (there’s kids around but y’all know what muscle I’m talking about). So I did what I had to do, right, and then I took the superglue and stuck it right to his stomach. I glued that shit down. I rubbed it all over his hair down there, too. Got him good. Neighbors told me he had to go to the hospital, get that shit surgically removed.
–4 train
Overheard by: Anna
Hobo: I’ll bet you think I spent all my money on crack and alcohol.
Guy: Probably.
Hobo: Well, you’re right. But I’ve learned my lesson. Now I want to spend your money on crack and alcohol.
–E train
Guy #1: Sam better on his way to this meeting too.
Guy #2: Let me call the office and check if he’s left yet…Sam, what’s up, man? Where are you?
–E train
Ghetto guy #1: Man, that dude’s hair is always fucked up.
Ghetto guy #2: Yo, he don’t got no hair!
Ghetto guy #1: No, I mean his head is fucked up.
–Chambers Street station
Overheard by: mexican on wheels
Little boy: I know three things about aliens. One, they don’t have hair. Two, they don’t have mouths. Three, they don’t have privates.
20-something: Then how do you know if it’s a boy or a girl alien?
Little boy: Um, they’re not boys or girls. They’re its… Or she-males.
20-something: Where did you learn ‘she-males’ from?!
Little boy: Third Avenue.
–N train
