Wanna Buy a Bridge, Wednesday One-Liners?

10-year-old tourist kid: Mom, is Brooklyn famous for its graffiti?

–Coney Island-bound D train

Overheard by: BB

White guy, pointing: Over there in Brooklyn three-year-olds just, like, walk around!

–Delancey & Essex

Overheard by: Red Hair

Guy walking through bar: What’s with Brooklyn and beards?

–Union Hall, Park Slope

Overheard by: jasonjason

Guy: Brooklyn is the middle borough in terms of goodness.

–Kosher Delight

Thugette to double decker tour bus: Brooklyn! Brooklyn! You’re taking a tour of Brooklyn! I just got out of jail!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Staying on the bus….

Posted on May 22, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Guys, Hair, Hudson River, Kids, Lower East Side, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Overheard Overheard, Park Slope, Philosophy, Prison, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Thugs, Tourists, Weirdness, White People

What, You Mean Now?

Cashier: Can you spell your name, please?
Man: … Ummm… yes.
Cashier: I meant, can you spell it for me?

–Beacon’s Closet, Park Slope

Overheard by: meyers of keswick

Posted on May 17, 2015
Cashiers, Idiots, Men, Names, Offers and requests, Park Slope, Stupidity, Words

The Wednesday One-liners K-Hole

Woman: Hey, so have you ever tried crack?

–78th & Madison

Overheard by: Andrew C

Posted on May 3, 2015
Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drugs, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, People, Suits, Teens, The Village, Upper East Side

Read These Wednesday One-Liners to Induce Vomiting

Guy: Once I told my friend Ivan that I like to eat my scabs, and he said he did too, so we ate each other scabs.

–Park Slope

Ugly drunk girl: Sometimes I pick people's noses. (pause) Usually nothing comes out!

–LIRR, Huntington Line

Overheard by: I <3 Commuters Black guy on cell: Then I put KY all over her pussy, yo, and she wanted to spoon that shit up and eat it!

–Lafayette St

Man to family: Well, I've got to assume he's getting sick anyway, judging by the snot I just saw.

–Grand Central Station

Male law student: That's the good thing. You can scratch all day and it won't spread.

–Fordham Law School

20-something receptionist: Urp! I think I just coughed up a fetus. I better Lysol the phone.

–5th Ave

Overheard by: BrooklynBorn

Posted on May 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Cleanliness, Clerks, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Excretions, Families, Food, Fordham, Friendship, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Sex, Store, Students, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Oh, Blow Pop! Sorry About Your Reputation, Savannah

Teen girl #1: Guess what? Savannah gave Zach a blow job!
Teen girl #2: Huh?
Teen girl #1: I don’t know what it is either, but that’s what people are saying.

–Tea Lounge, Park Slope

Overheard by: Charly

Posted on April 28, 2015
BJs, Park Slope, Rumor Has It, Teens

That Makes Judah Benjamin the First Neocon

Girl: Independence Day? I don’t believe people are celebrating it this year, what with the war and everything!
Guy: Yeah…
Girl: I mean people want to celebrate like everything is fine, while we have the worst President ever in office fucking everything up!
Guy: I wouldn’t say that…
Girl: What? How can you say that? Name another President who has done more to fuck up this country?
Guy: Well, we will always have Jefferson Davis.

–Park Slope

Posted on April 21, 2015
Democrats, Holidays, Nicknames & name calling, Park Slope, Politics, President, War

When You Wednesday Upon a One-Liner, It Makes No Difference Who You Are

Guy walking by himself: I wish everybody who is not mentally ill would just drop dead!

–9th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Rear Admiral Butts

Guy (admiringly, to attractive girl passing by): Damn, girl, I wish you were a guy!

–14th St & 1st Ave

Ditzy girl to another, about her boyfriend: He's teaching himself philosophy right now. He bought a philosophy dictionary. He can do that, you know, because he's so smart. I wish I could do that!

–Astoria

Overheard by: squarehand

Young guy to girl: Dude, I wish Dali was still around so he could do my album.

–Museum of Modern Art

Overheard by: Gino

Serious girl: I wish I had gotten the ovaries!

–Korean Baptist Church, Astoria

Overheard by: Evan

Posted on April 20, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Death, Girls, Guys, Idiots, MoMA, One-liners, Park Slope, Philosophy, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, Visual Art, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Author of Ten Surefire Tips for Handling Girth

Young child: Mommy, how do black people have sex?
Mom: Ask your father.

–9th & 8th, Park Slope

Posted on April 19, 2015
Kids, Moms, Park Slope, Questions

Ocean’s Two

Girl: My girlfriend used to date George Clooney and he would have her shave his balls all the time.
Drunk guy: Really? I shave down there, what do you think about that?
Girl: I kinda wanna stop talking to you now.

–Loki Lounge, Park Slope

Posted on April 19, 2015
About Celebrities, Body Parts, Drunks, Hair, Park Slope