Guy #1: Are you gonna go see Saw 3?
Guy #2: Nah, I’m not into movies like that.
Guy #1: Why not?
Guy #2: I’m more into dramas — you know, movies where you can actually believe that what’s happening is real. Like Superman.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Don Willmott
Flea: I eat four boxes of blueberries a day; it makes my cock big.
–Randall’s Island
Overheard by: AJIN
Tween: Hello, sir.
Hot dog vendor: Hello.
Tween: How much are hot dogs?
Vendor: Two dollars.
Tween: How much is Gatorade?
Vendor: Two dollars.
Tween: Are you high?
–Washington Square Park
Chick on cell: The well of his fuckwaddery springs eternal.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Columbia student: Fuck. Fucking titties! What the fuck? Fucking titties, this is some goddamn bullshit! I really want a snack.
–110th & Broadway
Guy to girl: Are you serious? I'm not fucking creepy, okay? I'm not fucking creepy.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: NYU girl
Man on bicycle, yelling at car: Fuck you! Yeah, use your fucking blinkers, you fuckstick!
–10th & Broadway
Overheard by: Helene and Alice
Guy on cell, in monotone with no pauses: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I need you, I need you, I need you, bitch. (hangs up)
–M4 Bus
Bicycle taxi guy: Hey, you want a ride through Central Park?
Tourist: No thanks.
Bicycle taxi guy: How about a foot massage? How about some dance lessons?
–Central Park
Girl student #1: God, this rain. I look like a drowned rat.
Girl student #2: Yeah, but you can pull it off.
Girl student #1: Yeah, I guess drowned rat is like the new dry mouse.
–Washington Square Park
Ghetto dude on phone: Do you know what I could do with that money? I could get a new pair of pants… or maybe get my hair done.
–Broadway & 86th St
Girl to another: I had this teacher in high school who wore the tightest pants. Camel toe all the time.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Giancarlo
Annoying sober 20-something, returning from bathroom: God! I'm so sweaty, it made it really hard to pull my pants down.
–Diner, 3rd Ave
Teenage girl to another: He came here to do a concert. He probably doesn't want to hear you scream, "Take your pants off!"
–Battery Park
Woman: But I can't make it, because I have a laser hair-removal appointment at one o'clock.
Man: Uh, where are you getting the hair removed?
Woman: My legs, parts of my crotch, and my armpits.
Man: Aweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesome!
–Washington Square
Nine-year-old to friend: Yo, how many white people we got here?
Friend: One, two, too many.
–Fort Greene Park
Magyar lady #1: See that woman over there? Why does a woman that big come out of the house?
Magyar lady #2: And that floral dress? She looks like an elephant!
Magyar lady #1: Oh look, the elephant is walking past again.
Magyar lady #2: Why don’t any of the elephant’s friends tell her how bad she looks?
Guy on next bench: If you ladies will excuse me, I’m off to go join my wife, the elephant.
Translated from the Hungarian.
–Fort Tryon Park
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
