Girl #1: I'm gonna pee on you.
Girl #2: I peed on someone before.
Girl #3: Golden showers bring May flowers.
–34th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Robert Wood
Girl #1: I'm gonna pee on you.
Girl #2: I peed on someone before.
Girl #3: Golden showers bring May flowers.
–34th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Robert Wood
Man in stall, struggling: Damn you, Taco Bell!
–Bathroom, John Jay College
Girl on cell in stall: I liked him better when he was homeless.
–Bathroom, Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Sydney
Drunk hipster in stall: Don’t get the kielbasa sandwich.
–Club Warsaw, Williamsburg
Overheard by: nickporjr
Man on cell in stall: Hold on a second, honey. [Biological sounds] Okay, I’m back. Look, there’s no way to say this other than right out. This week together made me think things over. Will you marry me?
–Office bathroom, 44th & Lex
Overheard by: Tony
Drunk girl in stall, to herself: Okay, this time let’s try not to pee all over my jeans.
–Cabana, Maritime Hotel
Girl in stall: Uggghhh! Fuck… [Panting] Fuck!
–Bathroom, Fordham Law School
Overheard by: Seriously concerned
Guy at urinal: Oh yeah, son! Yeah, I am dominating this shit!
–Library Bathroom, Fordham University
Catholic girl #1: It’s a little more natural to have jizz in your mouth instead of pee.
Catholic girl #2: But the jizz has shit in it!
–Bryant Park
Guy to date: Well, when it’s like when I’m on a roadtrip, even if I need to pee, I don’t, I force myself to keep it in, it’s like a control thing. Totally about power. [Date gets up to go to the bathroom.] Hurry back! I want to tell you more!
Date: Yeah, it’s really… Powerful.
–Soup’N’Burger, Broadway & Astor
Overheard by: rpk
Big old lady yelling at MTA employee: Of course they're not coming! They're too busy fucking! Masturbating! Eating donuts!
–53rd & Lexington Subway Station
Girl to friend: Oh my god, he does things to me that make masturbation seem like bland oatmeal!
–14th & 3rd
Overheard by: TheOneThatGotAway
Teen to friend: Seriously, if I was a guy for a day, all I'd do is piss standing up and masturbate.
–Queens Center Food Court
Guy on cell: Dude, if I didn't jerk off a couple times a day I'm pretty sure I'd be a serial rapist.
–Penn Station
Short nerdy businessman to another: I didn't know I was going out with her when I beat off.
–15th St & 9th St
Overheard by: Spicoli
Blond scruffy short man on headset: Do you really think girls would go for that? You think a girl would, for a chance to win $500, watch me masturbate?
–R Train
Mother: Just a few more blocks, honey.
Six-year-old girl: Oh… Okay.
(a few seconds later)
Six-year-old girl: Mommy, I really need to go now.
Mother: Just a few more blocks, Angie. A few more blocks.
Six-year-old girl: But mom, I can't wait.
Mother: You're doing good, Angie. Just a few more blocks. Calm down.
(long pause)
Six-year-old girl: Mommy!
Mother, annoyed: What?
Girl: It's… coming out of my vagina!
–E 86th St
Overheard by: Dylan Sparrow
Girl #1: Do you think we will get arrested if we go into the boys’ bathroom?
Girl #2: No. I don’t think so. I think the boys will actually like it.
Girl #1: Wait. But the boys pee on the floor. Let’s not go in.
–South St Seaport
Overheard by: Kevo
Exasperated mother to child in toilet stall: Hurry up and poop!
–Ladies’ Restroom, Penn Station
Overheard by: Betsy
[Girl is taking a piss in bathroom, friend shuts off lights.]Girl: Biiitch! You know my pussy don’t glow in the dark!
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Lady in bathroom stall: [Grunts, groans grunts again.] [Pause.] Oh my god, I peed on the floor!
–Sheraton Hotel
Overheard by: Morgan
Hungover senior, chanting loudly over sound of own urination in bathroom: Allllllllll riiighty thennnnnnn! Ahhhhhhhh!
–SVA Animation Department
Overheard by: Laughing
Man farting at urinal, to friend at urinal next to him: Hey, man, what do you think about piss farts?
–Kimmel Center, NYU
Overheard by: JO in Bobst
Girl: I’m not looking. I don’t want to see your vagina. Even if we are family.
–AMC Theater Restroom, Times Square
Overheard by: wondering what’s going on in the next stall
[Horrific sounds heard in adjacent stall for 3 minutes.]Co-worker, yelling: "I’m sorry, I had milk!"
–Office bathroom, 31st Street
White guy #1: You know they fine you for smoking on a train platform even when it’s outdoors?
White guy #2: That’s crazy man.
White guy #1: They even fine you for peeing and jumping the turnstile.
White guy #2: Well, I understand jumping the turnstile…but peeing?
–A train
