Teenage girl #1, during class discussion about physical appearances: Like, if you saw a really hot guy, but then it turned out he was a jerk, would you still like him?
Teenage girl #2: Probably.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Teenage girl #1, during class discussion about physical appearances: Like, if you saw a really hot guy, but then it turned out he was a jerk, would you still like him?
Teenage girl #2: Probably.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Girl #1: I need to get my nails done because I'm going to be a panda for Halloween.
Girl #2, completely serious: Oh my god, you would make a great panda!
Girl #1, also completely serious: Thank you!
–NYU
Woman: Well, I still remember that 5,820 feet is a mile, 36 feet is a yard…
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: People are wrong.
Girl, looking at guy: If I give you five dollars, will you grow a foot long?
–6 Train
Overheard by: Jeggy
5th-grader to table full of friends: Attention everyone. I have finally reached five feet!
–Cafeteria, Private School
Overheard by: Maddy
Guy on cell: Holy shit! Hello Kitty is taller than me!
–Times Square
Chubby 20-something guy, feeding chips to chubby 20-something girlfriend while making airplane and spaceship noises: The exhaust port is only two meters wide!
–1 Train
Guidette: She is like that typical “no-tits, no-ass” girl.
Guido boy: Yeah, but she still gets more than you.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Heidegger Kid
Guy reading Post over someone's shoulder: David Letterman cheated on his wife with that? Dear god, I thought he'd have better taste.
Women reading paper: That is his wife!
–5 Train
Overheard by: Jesus Jon
Bimbette: So my cat jumps into my bed last night, like he always does, and he snuggles up next to me and all that, and as I'm petting him, I think, “I know he loves me 'cause I take care of him and everything… but does he also think I'm pretty?” You know?
Friend: (silence)
Bimbette: I really hope he thinks I'm pretty. I mean, like, compared to the other humans he's met. Right?
Friend: You are a) a total narcissist; b) totally creepy; or c) both. I'm leaning towards c).
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Unfortunately, he's just using you for food.
Thug to smiling girl: It's so nice to see a pretty girl smiling!
Smiling girl: Everybody's been so nice to me today… I don't know what's going on!
Thug, pointing at her breasts: Did you just grow those last night, girl?
Smiling girl: Oh my god! I'm wearing a push up bra today! (pause) Well, I'll have to buy more of these! (walks away, jutting her chest out)
–48th & 2nd
Theater geek: So I was looking at auditions for this post-apocalyptic drama, and the ad said, "we're looking for men, all shapes and sizes. Actually no, you have to be ridiculously skinny, totally emaciated, on the verge of death. And… oh yeah, you have to have stringy hair. And be really bony. And my dad said, "you definitely need to try out for this!"
–TKTS Booth, Times Square
Overheard by: Not Emaciated
Guy: No, I didn't do the graphics–I mean, the play's about Adam and Eve, but do they put naked people on the postcard to sell tickets? No, they have a cartoon of an apple. I don't understand.
–Minetta Lane Theater
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Bathroom attendant at West Side Story: C'mon, people! Short line, long intermission! (toilet flushes) Hear that? That's music to somebody's bladder!
–Palace Theatre
Overheard by: Maggie
Audience member, at interval of Aida: Hey, this is better than Grease!
–Metropolitan Opera
Disgruntled usher: I swear by every god of Jupiter that these are your seats.
–The Ambassador Theatre, 49th & Broadway
Overheard by: The Moons of Jupiter Were Already Spoken For
Woman to stylish man walking past: You look like a designer!
Man: Thanks.
Woman: Are you a designer?
Man, about five feet past: Kind of.
–Houston & Ludlow
Man on cell: I need attractive girls with low self-esteem so I can tell them that I understand and then do horrible things to them. This is basic science.
–40th & 8th
Overheard by: 13Atlantic
Irate Wall Street guy standing in deli: Everything! Everything! I said "everything bagel," you fucking waste of life. (to other customers in line) He always does that!
–Beaver & William
Boy, watching Hannah Montana on screen: unless she's hanging from a rope, I can't be bothered.
–AMC 7, East Village
Overheard by: agreed
Female in red coat: It's, like, the Holocaust–get over it! I didn't even care about it when it first happened.
–Bobst Lobby, NYU
Overheard by: wow.
