What America Thinks New Yorkers Do All Day

Hipster #1: You should spring that question on him one night and see what he says. I bet he’d be like, ‘What the fuck? Are you kidding me?’
Hipster #2: You mean ask him to stick his thing in my butt? Would he be down?
Hipster #1: I don’t think so. One time I was like, ‘Man, I need to fuck some girl in the ass pronto-tonto!’ He was like, ‘Dude, that’s gross!’
Hipster #2: I thought most dudes wanted to do that.
Hipster #1: Well, that was a while ago. He has been living in Thailand and those lady-boys have got to be pretty convincing.
Hipster #2: I’m sure.
Hipster #1: He could be ‘warmed-up’ to the occasion. Just get him shit-faced off his rocker.
Hipster #2: I don’t want to stick anything up my butt unless someone really wants it badly, and I certainly don’t want it to be messy — that shit can hurt if it’s not inserted properly.

–In front of Gagosian Gallery, Chelsea

Overheard by: Chelius

Posted on November 24, 2006
Backdoor, Hipsters, Queers

Wednesday One-Liners Hallah Back

Chick complaining about looking for roommates: The problem with today is that everybody’s Jewish.

–Dobbin & Norman

Overheard by: Sam Tresler

Young quasi-gangster to friends: Even if you’re not Jewish, you’re, like… Jewish.

–Post-Yankees game on B train

Overheard by: Indiana

Tourist chick: How, how, how can there be no Jewish deli? All I want is a tongue sandwich and a fucking piece of pizza!

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: X-tal

Lady suit: Are you saying you’d rather be with a Jewish person than a wife-beater?

–18th & 6th

Overheard by: emily

JAP: Shiksas are totally not allowed on Jdate!

–71st & Columbus

Overheard by: DebDan

Chick in stall to friend: It must be a Jewish thing, but whenever there’s food around I have to eat it — even if I’m not hungry.

–Restroom, Loews Cinema, 11th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Em

Queer: No, like, of course you’re not Jewish. I just wanted to check before I dissed the Jews.

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: hilla

Posted on November 22, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Dating, Ethnic Food, Food, Grand Central, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Internet, JAPs, Jews, Manhattan, Men, Movie Theaters, On the Subway, People, Places, Pop Culture, Queers, Real Estate, Sex & Relationships, Shiksas (& other Gentiles), Stall Spies, Suits, Topics, Tourists, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Venues, Women

Funny how ‘Bitch’ Is Worse than Mother Sex

Hobo: Fuck you, you shits, you fucking assholes. I’m going to fucking kill you! Fuck you! Fuck you bitches! Fuck you and your mothers!
Queer #1: Oh no. No you did not just call me a bitch. You crazy homeless fuck.
Queer # 2: Mhm, get sassy on this bitch. Bitch deserves to be homeless. He should just shut his mouth and keep it movin’.

–Sheridan Square

Posted on November 7, 2006
Anger Management, Hobos, Manhattan, Moms, Murder, Names, Parents, People, Places, Queers, Sex, The Village, Topics, Violence

Any Alley Will Do

Drunk queer #1: Hey, let’s get some food!
Drunk queer #2: I don’t have any money!
Drunk queer #1: That’s alright. Papi will pay…if you nibble his foreskin!
Drunk queer #2: Alright. Where do you wanna go?

–17th & 5th

Posted on October 17, 2006
BJs, Drunks, Food, Manhattan, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penis, Private Parts, Queer guys, Queers, Sex

…And Jimmy’s a Girl

Queer #1: You are so gay.
Queer #2: I am not gay! Why do people keep saying that?
Queer #1: Well, you made out with Robert, and you slept with Jimmy.
Queer #2: Robert kissed me, I didn’t kiss him.

–Greenpoint

Posted on October 16, 2006
Gays and Lesbians, Hook Ups, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, People, Places, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Topics, Williamsburg

This Was at the Heart of the Dispute Between Edison and Tesla

Queer #1: Ann and Leslie are here.
Queer #2: Shit, are they lesbians?
Queer #1: Yeah.
Queer #2: Uh, I’m a D.C. gay. I don’t hang out with lesbians.

–3rd & B

Posted on October 7, 2006
Alphabet City, Gays and Lesbians, History & Geography, Lesbians, Manhattan, People, Places, Queer guys, Queers, Topics, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village

Now Let’s Kiss and Make Up

Tween #1: You called me gay? I’ll sue you!
Tween #2: You’re gay for even saying that.

–Elizabeth & Mott

Overheard by: stephin’ out

Posted on September 28, 2006
Fag Hags, Insults, Lower East Side, Queers, Street, Tweens

Cheech & Chong’s Wednesday One-Liners, Man

Queer: When I get stoned, my grundle itches.

–6 train

Overheard by: sheerah

Street vendor, gesturing to enormous bong: No, no…this one is for tobacco.

–St. Mark’s

Elderly man: People are stupid! They don’t do pot!

–R train

Stoned guy: Man, why do chip manufacturers always put the crumbs at the bottom of the bag?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: bernard black

Teenage gangsta: Yo, when I was in the shower, it totally tasted like weed. For real.

–Lafayette & Houston

Passenger: If you see a suspicious package or activity on the platform or train, don’t keep it to yourself. Tell a cop or an MTA employee or me. There might be some money or some weed in there.

–4 train

Overheard by: Mike

Long-haired dude, picking up a cigarette butt: Man, that’s not what I wanted to smoke.

–72nd & Columbus

Overheard by: clarence rosario

Posted on September 27, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia, Druggies, Drugs, Food, Gangstas, Gays and Lesbians, Manhattan, Men, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Queers, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weed

Let Me Know When You’re Considering Women – Then I’ll Be Impressed

Queer: Dude, I’m so horny, I’m thinking about considering Asians.

–Lil’ Frankies, 1st St

Posted on September 17, 2006
Asians, Gays and Lesbians, Horny, Manhattan, One-liners, Queers, Sex

Wednesday One-Liners Always Thought Slim Goodbody Was Hot

Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!

–Brooklyn bound F train

Overheard by: PoisonIvy

Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!

–1 train

Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…

–1 train

Overheard by: sara n.

Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!

–18th & Park

Overheard by: edward

Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!

–Wooster & Broome

Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry.

–23rd & 6th

Posted on September 13, 2006
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Celebrities, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Classroom, College, Druggies, Drugs, Fordham, Girls, Hard Drugs, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, People, Places, Pop Culture, Private Parts, Psychic, Queers, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Topics, Vagina, Vendors & Street Performers, Venues, Women

Queers